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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH’s employer doesn’t get to dictate my career?

168 replies

ClearMountain · 09/03/2021 11:21

DH works in web design which doesn’t necessarily require formal qualifications as long as you have good skills. I’ve previously worked in min wage hospitality and as we all know that’s gone down the toilet. So DH had the bright idea that he could teach me some of his skills and I could start freelancing from home. It seemed like a good idea because we can’t afford for me to do a degree like DH did.

For most of the past year, when I haven’t been homeschooling I’ve been studying. DH has been directing me to good tutorials and books, checking my work, and teaching me personally on a weekend. I’m nowhere near his level but I’m ready for some simple freelance projects. I’m currently attending a small business accounting course online and working with a business adviser that’s funded by a local council scheme. Great stuff, feeling positive about my future.

DH’s employer sometimes gets asked to do bits of work that are too small for them to bother with, so they redirect the client to a trusted freelancer. I asked could I be on that list? DH said he’d ask his employer but he thought it would be ok because his colleague’s Ian’s wife is on the freelance list.

DH’s employer said no. Ian’s wife is on the freelance list, but Ian works in accounting so he’s not doing the same work as his wife does, therefore there’s no conflict of interest. But DH works in web design so there’s a conflict of interest between his job and my small business. Fair enough, I guess I can’t be on the list.

This morning the employer has pulled DH into the office and said not only am I not allowed to be on the freelance list, I’m also not allowed to run my own small business at all. He feels that there’s no way DH will have absolutely nothing to do with my business - he’s bound to help me out a bit on a weekend if I’m busy, or advise me on an evening if I get stuck on a bit of coding, or take a day’s holiday and help me with a big project. Which means that instead of DH giving his employer 110% as he currently does, he’ll end up only giving 100% and giving me the other 10%. And that’s not good enough. And god forbid if I was successful and got loads of projects, DH might actually quit his job to work with me and expand my business, and that is unacceptable.

DH said I don’t think you can dictate what I do outside of work hours and you certainly can’t dictate what my wife does? The employer said if your wife goes ahead with starting this business I’ll sack you!

So we are in a shitty position now because we need DH’s salary and can’t afford for him to get sacked. But I’ve put a huge amount of work into starting a small business for myself and I’m absolutely devastated because someone I’ve never even met has just said Nope, you’re not allowed. Surely this can’t be legal?

OP posts:
stablefeet · 09/03/2021 11:23

How long has your DH been employed at that company?

Comefromaway · 09/03/2021 11:23

How long has he worked there? If it's more than two year then it could be unfair dismissal if you can prove that you havn't been poaching clients.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/03/2021 11:24

How long has your DH been employed there?

LunaHeather · 09/03/2021 11:26

You'd be better asking MN to transfer this to Employment or Legal.

But I am quite sure your DH employer can't tell you what to do!

Thehawki · 09/03/2021 11:26

I think it m get be time for your husband to try and find another employer. I’m not sure that what they’re doing is even legal though, how can they tell him that his wife can’t work in the same industry, that’s insane?! I’m not sure what action you can take other than find another job really, but I do sympathise and I know it’s not that easy especially with COVID and the job market being the way it is.

MyLittleOrangutan · 09/03/2021 11:27

How would his boss know if you continued without involving his company?

More importantly, as others have said, it would be unfair dismissal if he's worked there more than 2yrs.

And what's the market like for his job?

zzzebra · 09/03/2021 11:27

Depending on your husbands contract, he might not be allowed to do additional work outside of his job.

But it's none of their business what you do.

How long has he worked there?

Megan2018 · 09/03/2021 11:28

This is ridiculous- legally no, they can’t do this.

I know a couple who have the same sort of job and work for 2 rival companies! They met at the one firm, one left for a competitor. It’s known by everyone but there’s nothing that can be done about it.

But if he’s got less than 2 years service they can get rid of him for any reason unfortunately. If he has 2 years plus you may find yourselves in a tribunal.

I would try and get it in writing from his boss then go to HR with it.

Boulshired · 09/03/2021 11:28

This is quite common in this world in that a business forms in a family members name that begins to compete whilst the other family member of the company has a steady wage and a growing lists of contacts just waiting for the right time to leave with contacts.

ArosGartref · 09/03/2021 11:29

I do see their point. They sound concerned that he's trying to use you as a proxy to poach clients.

zzzebra · 09/03/2021 11:30

On a second note, if you've registered as a limited company you may need to not involve your OH. For example by listing him as a secretary.

If you do this the employer may be able to say the 'no extra work outside of this work' has been broken (if he has that clause in his contract, that most designer do).

Original poster
ClearMountain · 09/03/2021 11:31

How long has your DH been employed at that company?
15 years. He’s a manager, he’s been there forever so he knows literally everything about their product and clients - and his skills are amazing, he’s their superstar and they’d be in a massive hole if they lost him. He works ridiculous hours and he puts way more into his job than his contract requires. They’re shitting themselves thinking he might dare to do something other than give every ounce of his soul to them.

OP posts:
LunaHeather · 09/03/2021 11:31

@Megan2018

This is ridiculous- legally no, they can’t do this.

I know a couple who have the same sort of job and work for 2 rival companies! They met at the one firm, one left for a competitor. It’s known by everyone but there’s nothing that can be done about it.

But if he’s got less than 2 years service they can get rid of him for any reason unfortunately. If he has 2 years plus you may find yourselves in a tribunal.

I would try and get it in writing from his boss then go to HR with it.

I wouldn't speak of it again

Just check the contract and legalities, then set your business up.

It's true they can get rid of him for any reason under two years but he can easily just drop it, surely.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/03/2021 11:31

I very much doubt your DHs employer has a leg to stand on, but you probably don't want the stress of an unfair dismissal claim while he tries to assert his rights if they do go through with their threat to sack him. Is there anything in DHs contract about conflicts of interest? However, even if there is, it's unlikely to be enforceable due to being unfair and the fact that another employee already has his wife doing what you want to do.

However, they're also being unreasonable about their assumptions that your DH won't meet their expectations if you start your own business. After all, he's spent a year helping you and presumably they've had no problems with his work or commitment in this time? But now they know about your work, they're making an issue about it?

Hoppinggreen · 09/03/2021 11:32

While it might not be legal I can kind of see their point.
You could in theory poach clients
If he has been there less than 2 years he has no rights (other than around discrimination)

Rainbowshine · 09/03/2021 11:32

We’d need to see the clauses in his contract of employment about intellectual property, competition, conflict of interest and other employment. You would be better off contacting ACAS as you don’t want to post a contract onto a web forum.

AtLeastPretendToCare · 09/03/2021 11:33

He should check his contract on outside work and also whether he has restrictive covenants in his contract.

They can’t restrict what YOU do but they can restrict him helping you and if he ends up leaving if he has restrictive covenants he may be restricted in what he can do for a period.

LunaHeather · 09/03/2021 11:33

@ClearMountain

How long has your DH been employed at that company? 15 years. He’s a manager, he’s been there forever so he knows literally everything about their product and clients - and his skills are amazing, he’s their superstar and they’d be in a massive hole if they lost him. He works ridiculous hours and he puts way more into his job than his contract requires. They’re shitting themselves thinking he might dare to do something other than give every ounce of his soul to them.
Oh 15 years should be fine but read his contract

Even if it says "family can't do same work" that's not enforceable in a court.

Original poster
ClearMountain · 09/03/2021 11:33

how can they tell him that his wife can’t work in the same industry, that’s insane?!
That’s what I thought. He actually said that’s ridiculous, what if I’d married someone who was already a web designer? And his boss said it wouldn’t have got that far because as soon as I realised your girlfriend was a conflict of interest I’d have told you to dump her or be sacked.

OP posts:
Prettyconfused · 09/03/2021 11:33

Maybe he should start trying to get freelance work with you and tell his employer to mind his own (dwindling) business.

I’ve been married 10 years to another developer and nobody has ever mentioned that being a problem. At most they ask me if he’d be able to help on projects. And the other way around. A good employer would see your situation as an asset, really.

gamerchick · 09/03/2021 11:34

Seems he holds more cards than them tbh. Maybe it's time he looked for another company if that's the shit they're chatting.

Hoppinggreen · 09/03/2021 11:34

I see he has been there for 15 years, take proper qualified advice but I don’t see how they can sack him unless they can prove he works for other clients

PlanDeRaccordement · 09/03/2021 11:35

I know it sounds unreasonable, but that is a basic noncompete conflict of interest common to most companies ethics policies that you and your DH have violated there. And it can make him ineligible to continue in his position as he will be married to a direct competitor in their business. That breaks the noncompete rules. They also can’t add you to the freelance list because your DH is in the same function and could “steer” work to you or assist you, which is also a ethical violation. The important thing with ethics is there only need be an appearance of or opportunity for unethical behaviour, not the actual occurrence. So even if you would never compete against that company for work, and your DH would never steer freelance work to you or assist, it doesn’t matter. The opportunity is there and it looks fishy to the outside ethics evaluators.

Your only way out of it is to pick a different career in IT or get a job at same level as your DH but under a different line manager with his company.

Devlesko · 09/03/2021 11:35

I think you need to find your own clients.

AHobbyaweek · 09/03/2021 11:36

Make sure he confirms the conversation in writing as soon as possible as you may need evidence of it later down the road. It is ridiculous

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