To think my DH’s employer doesn’t get to dictate my career?

[ClearMountain]

DH works in web design which doesn’t necessarily require formal qualifications as long as you have good skills. I’ve previously worked in min wage hospitality and as we all know that’s gone down the toilet. So DH had the bright idea that he could teach me some of his skills and I could start freelancing from home. It seemed like a good idea because we can’t afford for me to do a degree like DH did.

For most of the past year, when I haven’t been homeschooling I’ve been studying. DH has been directing me to good tutorials and books, checking my work, and teaching me personally on a weekend. I’m nowhere near his level but I’m ready for some simple freelance projects. I’m currently attending a small business accounting course online and working with a business adviser that’s funded by a local council scheme. Great stuff, feeling positive about my future.

DH’s employer sometimes gets asked to do bits of work that are too small for them to bother with, so they redirect the client to a trusted freelancer. I asked could I be on that list? DH said he’d ask his employer but he thought it would be ok because his colleague’s Ian’s wife is on the freelance list.

DH’s employer said no. Ian’s wife is on the freelance list, but Ian works in accounting so he’s not doing the same work as his wife does, therefore there’s no conflict of interest. But DH works in web design so there’s a conflict of interest between his job and my small business. Fair enough, I guess I can’t be on the list.

This morning the employer has pulled DH into the office and said not only am I not allowed to be on the freelance list, I’m also not allowed to run my own small business at all. He feels that there’s no way DH will have absolutely nothing to do with my business - he’s bound to help me out a bit on a weekend if I’m busy, or advise me on an evening if I get stuck on a bit of coding, or take a day’s holiday and help me with a big project. Which means that instead of DH giving his employer 110% as he currently does, he’ll end up only giving 100% and giving me the other 10%. And that’s not good enough. And god forbid if I was successful and got loads of projects, DH might actually quit his job to work with me and expand my business, and that is unacceptable.

DH said I don’t think you can dictate what I do outside of work hours and you certainly can’t dictate what my wife does? The employer said if your wife goes ahead with starting this business I’ll sack you!

So we are in a shitty position now because we need DH’s salary and can’t afford for him to get sacked. But I’ve put a huge amount of work into starting a small business for myself and I’m absolutely devastated because someone I’ve never even met has just said Nope, you’re not allowed. Surely this can’t be legal?

When I first read your post I thought your DHs company was being very unfair. But reading posts from others I can see where they are coming from. In theory your DH could help you poach customers from his employer, which would be unacceptable.

Do you share a surname with your DH? I would set up the company using my maiden name with a PO Box address or use a parent/rented office address and they’ll never know.

I'm a little staggered at the idea that you can't be in a relationship with someone in the same line of work as you. How on earth does that work? Surely loads of people meet their partners at university and might go into the same field, or at work or something. Are all those couples meant to apply for jobs as a couple? Or is the expectation that this is another area where women accept that "DH's career is just more important" and stick to part time admin work or something?

Wesead, if you worked for a company that outsourced some work and you found out a colleague was putting work the way of their partner or family member, who wasn't even qualified or experienced in that area, what would you think exactly? I'd be surprised if you felt that was ok. I've seen that kind of thing in places I've worked and it hasn't been well received. Working in the same profession isn't really the issue.

There's probably something in your dh's contract that prevents him freelancing or working for others. If he's helping you with the business or involved with it, he might be going against that. Lots of designers have dp's who also work in the field though. Maybe you should set up as self employed and ensure your dh isn't involved.

@Doyoumind - I was replying to the comment made (which several people have agreed with) that was "your only way out of it is to pick a different career in IT or get a job at same level as your DH but under a different line manager with his company".

That seems exceedingly radical. Yeah, the H shouldn't be passing work directly to the OP but the employer is saying the H will be sacked if the OP stays working IT at all and some seem to think that's ok.

Have you got any skills, experience, or your own clients, OP? I don't mean skills as in technically you can do it, I mean whatever it is that makes a really good web designer.

So your husband is being discriminated against for being married to you?

Tell your DH to get that in writing and take legal advice.

Not in your country but in a related field to web design (ad operations) & this sounds utterly ridiculous!

He has been there 15 years, it sounds like they are overstepping boundaries by demanding such a thing.

I would advise if his work threatens to sack him over this to log a formal complaint with HR / relevant media union

This employer sounds like a cowboy

I would recommend your husband quit & go somewhere else, if possible. It's not the year for job hopping but in his line of work perhaps has been less affected by Covid?

They aren't a good employer if they are threatening this.

I assumed that, as the OP has no qualifications or experience in the field, her DH’s employer has assumed that it’s actually him doing the work, taking jobs that the company he works for were offered. I’d be especially wary if he has any authority over which work the company turns down and which freelancers get the job.

My husband is a programmer, I run a digital agency and know some very basic code that can improve my work - but I'm a media/comms agency so we're talking HTML here, there is a huge difference to the .NET / SQL / JAVA that he uses at work. And that is, I believe, different to C# and Python.

I can see how a decent employer might be worried about competition but if you've learned in a year you clearly have aptitude, and will be nowhere near the skills your DH has, even if he is training you in the same language. I don't think it was daft to ask to join the freelance bank and it seems short sighted of the business owner (who incidentally sounds like an arse!)

FWIW DH was made redundant in Feb, he is incredibly niche and expert in his field, but we're in the shires, not the city, He's the wrong side of 50 to not be panicked by this. He hasn't walked right into a job but found the contract market is incredibly strong, much better paid than he anticipated and he's now confidently weighing up next steps and will probably take on a 12-month contract to work remotely.

I have a couple of ideas for you so do PM me if you like.

I can see their point of view, even if you aren't in the official freelance list, he could divert work to you and undercut them.

Legally they could be sued for unfair dismissal if they let him go on these grounds but they have wiggle room because he did assume it was ok to divert small jobs so a tribunal might have sympathy. Saying you shouldn't be in the industry is overstepping but they are concerned about the two of you completing for contracts then leaving.

Would they know if you went ahead?

They presumably have a list of trusted, experienced freelancers who produce quality work for them for clients. I can see why they wouldn’t want to risk their good name by recommending X’s wife who has no qualifications and taught herself.

Coding is easy to learn but hard to master. A lot of beginners give up because a) there’s just too much material and they don’t know where to start and b) no help when they invariably get stuck. But even people fresh from university/boot camps would be a couple years away from freelancing (without the help of a senior developer).

*sorry my point was what OP has made quick progress because she has the benefit of a personal tutor and a decent amount of free time. Nobody can tell your skill level unless you’ve produced independent work

@WhoStoleMyCheese

*sorry my point was what OP has made quick progress because she has the benefit of a personal tutor and a decent amount of free time. Nobody can tell your skill level unless you’ve produced independent work

Indeed, so it is easy to see why her husbands employer doesn’t want to be the one who recommends her untested work to their clients. This company has no responsibility for sending anything her way-they clearly don’t want to.

Coding and building websites is the easier part

It’s understanding design that’s important

It’s the small design features - not the crisp elements - that make a website

I’m an ict teacher and could build a website easily but that doesn’t make me a designer

It’s entirely different

You need to be creative and have flair - it’s more art than ict

I'm in a slightly different line in IT but I'm getting inundated on linkedIn from recruiters and ex colleagues at the moment. You do usually get recruiter spam anyway, but it's much much busier than usual. It might be worth your DH starting to look about him despite the pandemic.