DH working in bed

[cripez]

DH has a very large bespoke office at the end of our garden, very comfortable, with a sofa, cushions, rugs, heating etc.

He has a creative job that he could do anywhere with WiFi and a plug, but we spent a lot of money on the office building as it was to be his space away from the distractions of the main house.

So why the hell is he working from our bed every single day? He hasn't worked in his office since Xmas, has maybe popped up there for zoom meetings away from the kids then always home and back to bed.

I have the house to myself two days a week (one dc at school and the other in childcare) and I would like to have a bit of downtime, and maybe even a nap, after over a year or lockdowns and disruptions.

But I can't because he's up there farting into our duvet and leaving coffee cups all over the place.

AIBU to kick him out? Maybe I should turn his office into a bedroom for me and sod off up there all day.

@jwilf

This thread is quite amusing but also ridiculous, almost nobody here is considering things from the husband's point of view. As a man let me say it's obvious why he doesn't use the garden office, it's because the house is more comfortable.

Yes the garden office may have cost £30k and have heating etc but it's still basically a glorified garden shed. It obviously doesn't have 2 things that anyone needs when WFH all day, namely a supply of running water and a toilet. Which means traipsing back and forth to the house all day, and who wants to do that? Much better to stay in the house and save money on heating the garden office.

I agree with the one poster who said they can't imagine anything worse than being stuck in a building at the bottom of the garden all day. Personally I'd be so bored that I probably wouldn't get anything done. It's nice to hear the sounds of other people in the house, humans are social creatures after all. Who wants to be relegated to an outbuilding like a dog? It might have cost £30k but I bet the house cost a hell of a lot more than that, and it has a toilet.

I really don't think deciding working from your bed is nicer after spending 30k on a dedicated work space cuts the mustard. He should have blooming well thought of that before.

There must be a reason he’s suddenly stopped going out there. You need to get to the bottom of that.

@someonelockthefridgealready how many times would he need to fill the kettle or go to the loo? I'm sure he can manage a little walk up the path a couple of times a day to stretch his legs.

Farting into your duvet..

While he has a perfectly good office space elsewhere?
I’d either LTB or move a bed into his office and use that as my own den😂

So why the hell is he working from our bed every single day?

I assume because he wants to. Can you not nap on the sofa or the one in the garden office.

@jwilf

This thread is quite amusing but also ridiculous, almost nobody here is considering things from the husband's point of view. As a man let me say it's obvious why he doesn't use the garden office, it's because the house is more comfortable.

Yes the garden office may have cost £30k and have heating etc but it's still basically a glorified garden shed. It obviously doesn't have 2 things that anyone needs when WFH all day, namely a supply of running water and a toilet. Which means traipsing back and forth to the house all day, and who wants to do that? Much better to stay in the house and save money on heating the garden office.

I agree with the one poster who said they can't imagine anything worse than being stuck in a building at the bottom of the garden all day. Personally I'd be so bored that I probably wouldn't get anything done. It's nice to hear the sounds of other people in the house, humans are social creatures after all. Who wants to be relegated to an outbuilding like a dog? It might have cost £30k but I bet the house cost a hell of a lot more than that, and it has a toilet.

Do you not think he thought about this before spending 30K?? I find this response quite ridiculous actually.

@jwilf but not even getting showered and dressed and sitting in bed to work.
That's gross.
He's not John Lennon ffs!

As a man let me say it's obvious why he doesn't use the garden office, it's because the house is more comfortable.

Well thank you Mr Man for explaining the obvious. We already know bed is more comfortable for him, if it wasn't then he'd be in the garden office, he's not making sacrifices is he? But the garden office has been made comfortable enough to work in even if his bed is even more comfortable. And what matters is that his wife would be much more comfortable if he used that office twice a week.

Personally I'd be so bored that I probably wouldn't get anything done.

And, since you are a man, did you also demand an expensive workspace "away fron the distractions of the main house"?

Mum bought a house that a news anchor lived in.. it has a lovely garden office from 1920’s
Heating, log burner, Uber fast WiFi but no loo or running water or kitchen.
But a nice garden room is quite expensive to heat .maybe that’s why he is bed hogging?

Unless there is some SN or mental health reasons, I'd find the waste of money revolting but mainly I'd find the teenage boy-ness of staying in bed all day, farting, no thought for anyone else in the house awful and I couldn't be married to a man like that.

Or one like @jwilf for that matter who feels they need to spell out the obvious to the silly ladies who don't understand man behaviour 🙄

It says a lot about the type of person they are.

I haven't been back because I've had my hands full with children and chores. I've been reading as much as I can.

I'm going to completely ignore the mansplainer.

Also I cannot bear passive aggression myself so definitely would not be up for using those methods to try and encourage office use.

I actually haven't been that unkind about my DH, I've been asking for advice not to hurt his feelings. I don't want to banish him. I just would like a bit of time to myself in my own bedroom when the house is quiet.

@cripez I wouldn't try and frame it as 'you want a bit of peace'. This is about your husband getting out of bed each morning, washing, dressing, using the expensive office he built
and generally functioning like a grown up. Making it about 'your peace' is a bit of an understatement to me.

And what matters is that his wife would be much more comfortable if he used that office twice a week.

Why should he have to be turfed out for her to be more comfortable? It's his home as well. Can he not use any bits of it he pleases?

My view is that I go where I please in my own house, when I please. I work where I please, I exercise where I please. It doesn't really matter which bits of the house cost more to do up. If you splash out on a new kitchen are you unreasonable to go to restaurants twice a week? And if this inconveniences my DP he's free to ask nicely if I can go elsewhere but this idea that wives just get to kick their husbands out of their own homes is bizarre. And you'd never stand for it the other way round.

I actually haven't been that unkind about my DH, I've been asking for advice not to hurt his feelings. I don't want to banish him. I just would like a bit of time to myself in my own bedroom when the house is quiet.

It's a reasonable request on your part. Just ask nicely. Say you want to have downtime/a nap in your bedroom, say what days you want, ask if he can be elsewhere on those days.

I really don't understand why asking him to use his office would hurt his feelings?

OP i completely understand how you feel. i'm very introverted and love my alone time. i don't have a partner buy my adult daughter has been living with me for a few years now. we have been doing surprisingly well because she was either working or going to school/studying so i didn't see much of her. but now that she has graduated and job hunting she's here ALL the time. Even on weekends and i feel my nerves fraying little by little every day. i just want her to be gone a few hours a day so i can have some alone time. So i get you.

the outside shed sounds awesome except there's no loo and i use the loo a lot so that would annoy me. but maybe go out there for just a few hours a day or can you hang out in a living area while he's in the bedroom?

Bed is super comfy

He's not John Lennon ffs!

I would say he is. Waiting for the maid to make the bed. Inconveniencing somebody else so he can do his important work.

Why should he have to be turfed out for her to be more comfortable? It's his home as well. Can he not use any bits of it he pleases?

Because he spent 30k on an office.

DH is wfh using a room we've converted into study - I'd be pretty mad if he were choosing to work elsewhere after we've spent so much money on a work space for him, even more so if he were inconveniencing other members of the household.

Just say 'can I borrow your drill?' And let him see you walk in the direction of his office. The panic will be real and he'll want to get out there and guard it!

What kind of work does he do? If it involves a laptop he is going to get physical problems if he carries on working in a bed instead of at a desk with a proper chair.

@sillysmiles

I really don't understand why asking him to use his office would hurt his feelings?

Completely agree!

This thread is so bizarre.

It would perhaps be different if OP's DH was using the kitchen table.

But he's working in their bed?? I don't know any grown adults who would do this?!

It's not about OP getting peace & quiet.

It's about OP's husband not needing physio for his back injury in 6 months!

I find it a bit strange OP feels like she can't point out the basic fact that a bed is a completely inappropriate place to work...there must be a huge back story

@jwilf

This thread is quite amusing but also ridiculous, almost nobody here is considering things from the husband's point of view. As a man let me say it's obvious why he doesn't use the garden office, it's because the house is more comfortable.

Yes the garden office may have cost £30k and have heating etc but it's still basically a glorified garden shed. It obviously doesn't have 2 things that anyone needs when WFH all day, namely a supply of running water and a toilet. Which means traipsing back and forth to the house all day, and who wants to do that? Much better to stay in the house and save money on heating the garden office.

I agree with the one poster who said they can't imagine anything worse than being stuck in a building at the bottom of the garden all day. Personally I'd be so bored that I probably wouldn't get anything done. It's nice to hear the sounds of other people in the house, humans are social creatures after all. Who wants to be relegated to an outbuilding like a dog? It might have cost £30k but I bet the house cost a hell of a lot more than that, and it has a toilet.

Ladies, panic over, MAN is here to tell us silly creatures why his fellow MAN doesn’t want to use the extortionate white elephant at the bottom of the garden.

Let us all sit quietly and listen attentively, for MAN has spoken.

Also OP, I don’t know how you cope living with a man who’s so sensitive, asking him to go and work on his purpose-built office (which cost £30k flat could have been spent on the family) would hurt his feelings.

@amusedbush - Loving "soft office". (And your username is cool, too.)