DH working in bed

[cripez]

DH has a very large bespoke office at the end of our garden, very comfortable, with a sofa, cushions, rugs, heating etc.

He has a creative job that he could do anywhere with WiFi and a plug, but we spent a lot of money on the office building as it was to be his space away from the distractions of the main house.

So why the hell is he working from our bed every single day? He hasn't worked in his office since Xmas, has maybe popped up there for zoom meetings away from the kids then always home and back to bed.

I have the house to myself two days a week (one dc at school and the other in childcare) and I would like to have a bit of downtime, and maybe even a nap, after over a year or lockdowns and disruptions.

But I can't because he's up there farting into our duvet and leaving coffee cups all over the place.

AIBU to kick him out? Maybe I should turn his office into a bedroom for me and sod off up there all day.

Who paid for the extension? Who's name is on the mortgage? If it's split between the two of you then I'd say YABVVVVU. If you paid and it's your home, then make as many remarks as you please

As not reading the whole thread at first, see you have an autistic child at specialist school and a 2 year old - you neeeeeed your downtime and peace. So, along with the humour, I see now is the real struggle also.

Honestly, I think your DH should get washed and dressed and out of bed and go to his mini-office.

Are you pregnant or ill?

If not, you don't need a midday nap. Chill on the sofa. He's the one working. I'm sure he'd love a few days a week to chill.

Found DH in our bedroom working and said get out this room is for sleeping and sex. That’s is.
Then the next week he was taking a call do I very loudely shouted get out get out.
He hasn’t been in there to work since.
He did point out that anyone senior could have been on the call with him and I said I didn’t care as this is our home and his work doesn’t belong in our bedroom

Sereneschite has it.

RTFT Messages.

Go have a nap in the outdoor study?

cripez........

........"farting into our duvet"........
Sorry, I know you're annoyed, but that phrase is hilarious!!!
Love it 🤣🤣🤣

@NuclearDH

I'd get in the bed with him with a cuppa and a book. Make it uncomfortable for him

Then maybe pretend to fall asleep and snore really loudly? 😂

I'd strip the bed as soon as you get up in the morning.

Or, take over the garden office as your place of rest and move his stuff into bin bags outside.

Is there a reason why you don't like the office-space as a refuge?
It sounds much better than the bedroom.

My ex used to sit around in bed, working on his laptop. If he needed to print anything, he'd set it all up on the kitchen table & complain I was disturbing him by doing normal kitchen stuff like cooking his bloody dinner

He had a nice big office upstairs in one of the bedrooms, but it was so cluttered & the desk so covered in his crap it was unusable.

I made a little office space for myself, using a tiny antique bureau we'd had on the landing for years. I caught him sitting at it doing something once & could have bloody murdered him. Fortunately it really was too small so he only tried that the once.

Dont tell him what he is doing wrong, just tell him what you need.

"DH this lockdown has been hard on me caring for our two children and I need a bit of space to myself for a few hours each day to unwind. Would you mind if I turn your office into a chill out space for me seeing as you don't seem to be using it".

I took @MrsTerryPratchett s advice a few years ago and still use it now.
It works.
I was using it on my kids though, not my husband, he'd be told to sling his hook in the direction of the shed pronto.

Dunkindonuts excellent approach. What could possibly go wrong, and I mean that without a touch of sarcasm.

Do you really eat those doughnuts tho'? Is your name, though, sarcastic?

See what happens if you take that approach?

Has OP disappeared? Wouldn't be surprised. These threads always attract unpleasant accusatory posts.

@EmbarrassingAdmissions

Obviously, I'd happily make an exception for the tree house. That would involve merrily skipping back and forth.

@cripez

There's a thread on here on reasons why Mumsnetters would like to bury their partners under the patio;I think we've found yours

*Disclaimer;said thread is very much tongue in cheek.

Just keep it really simple, 'Just wanted to check with you which days you'll be working form your office this week?', don't give a reason/explanation, but if he asks for one say 'I need to work the household chores around your work so you won't be disturbed. The bedroom needs a spring clean/hoover/bed changed and I know you will be working so no need to disturb you if you're in your office. Which days will that be?

I completely agree @gannett
Really unacceptable behaviour by the OP.
The levels of passive aggression suggested by PP and lack of basic communication on here are quite outstanding.

Either send the cat in to annoy him out of there or tell him you've been pricing up how much you can make renting out the office. Extra money coming in and it's just lying there empty so what problem could he have with it? Might get him to see sense.

Many people work from their Boffice now

We have an end of the garden office. Lovely thing, and fortunately DH has got in the habit of using it after a false start. He basically gets up every morning, at a normal hour, has a shower and breakfast, then heads out to work in his office. He comes in for short breaks and lunch. I think your DH has to change his mindset but he also needs to be made aware that it’s stressing you out that he’s always inside and not using this very expensive space.

Oh I totally get the never being alone part. I just want to be alone, not for long and not for ever but a few hours on a regular basis would be fantastic!

I would be very firm with him and Chuck him out. In fact I wish my DH had an office at the bottom of the garden because he gets right on my wick being in the house all day so I get where you're coming from.

I could have written this post OP! We have a shed office but it's a bit cold over the winter so my husband took to working from bed, under the covers and unwashed most days. Foul!
After numerous discussions he at least sits on top of the covers and showers now.
I feel you pain, I miss being in the house alone 😔😬

This thread is quite amusing but also ridiculous, almost nobody here is considering things from the husband's point of view. As a man let me say it's obvious why he doesn't use the garden office, it's because the house is more comfortable.

Yes the garden office may have cost £30k and have heating etc but it's still basically a glorified garden shed. It obviously doesn't have 2 things that anyone needs when WFH all day, namely a supply of running water and a toilet. Which means traipsing back and forth to the house all day, and who wants to do that? Much better to stay in the house and save money on heating the garden office.

I agree with the one poster who said they can't imagine anything worse than being stuck in a building at the bottom of the garden all day. Personally I'd be so bored that I probably wouldn't get anything done. It's nice to hear the sounds of other people in the house, humans are social creatures after all. Who wants to be relegated to an outbuilding like a dog? It might have cost £30k but I bet the house cost a hell of a lot more than that, and it has a toilet.