AIBU to say ‘no vaccine, no seeing grandchildren’ to my anti vaccine in laws?

[Hfjshdhs]

Name changed because I’m sure that IABU and I’m a bit scared of the fallout!

My PIL are anti vaccine, conspiracy theorists (don’t think Covid exists). They are refusing to get the vaccine.

I have a 3 year old and 5 month old. The 3 year old goes to nursery, but other than that we are incredibly careful and follow all rules. My 5 month old hasn’t met anyone because we are staying safe. None of us are CEV, but equally we have friends who are healthy, have had covid, and had a really awful time of it. So we really don’t want Covid in the house.

AIBU to say to my in laws that if they don’t have the vaccine, I won’t see them, and they won’t be seeing the grandchildren? Or is that a really shitty thing to do?

For context, I have never got on with them. They are extremely controlling. My husband has a very poor relationship with them. But our daughter loves her grandparents so we make sure they have a good relationship. My PIL are both still working, in offices, so exposed every day. If I see my PIL I don’t think I could see my own parents in the following two weeks because they are vulnerable (though have been vaccinated).

And I’m saying that despite having had a bad reaction to the AstraZeneka, which I had yesterday.

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

I don't see how this is any different than insisting they get a flu shot before they hold your child, something that is perfectly common.

Is it never ever once heard of anyone refusing to let someone hold their child unless they've had a flu jab. Is this one of those 'only on MN' things?

Nope! Actually happens all the time. I should clarify that I'm living in States at the moment, so my view is coloured by social norms here, but it's absolutely recommended.

It got a big uptick when the flu was bad a few years ago, to the point that magazines like Real Simple, which is a kind of middle-class women's monthly mag started writing articles about it: www.realsimple.com/health/family-flu-shot-baby

My friends with newborns have asked me if I've had the vaccine before they'll bring the baby over to my house, e.g. They're getting the guidance from their pediatricians, who are getting it from the CDC: www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pregnancy/family-caregivers.html

@Coyoacan

I am not against vaccines per se, but gosh the pro-vaccine crowd on here are something else, makes me want to be a covid-denier just to be able to keep away from you lot.

An easier way would be not to click on the thread, surely, rather than become a covid denier?

just for being covid deniers i wouldnt see them

idiots

We all take risks all the time and the covid related risk posed by those grandparents really seem minimal to me. The real reason the OP doesn't want to see them isn't the vaccine, come on

That's your opinion, doesn't mean I have to agree with you. Anti-vaxxer, covier denier, conspiracy theorists post a huge risk to society and family members in my opinion. I would probably just cut them loose to be honest. They're not that close to the OP anyway.

I’d be much more concerned about the conspiracy theories than them not having had the vaccine. I know that the risk from Covid is very small from children.

Very small TO children, not FROM. Sorry.

@Reinventinganna

What if they say, ‘okay our grandchildren are really important. We will get the vaccination’?

You don’t need an excuse to not have a relationship with them.

Your comment proves that you know nothing about this vaccine. Why don't you read up on HOW they were able to come up with a vaccine quickly. Read up on the funding of vaccines and the difference with this one or how much of a head start they had with this because of SARS and MERS.

Reinventinganna

Ooopss sorry, I replied to the wrong quote. I'll try again.

LockdownIsDrivingMeMad

The covid vaccine program is a trial vaccine

It takes years of testing and trials to come up with a safe tested vaccine

The in laws have their heads screwed on right

Your in laws probably don't want to be Guinea pigs in this vaccine trial

Your comment proves that you know nothing about this vaccine. Why don't you read up on HOW they were able to come up with a vaccine quickly. Read up on the funding of vaccines and the difference with this one or how much of a head start they had with this because of SARS and MERS.

Sweettea1
The benefits off the vacancie are to protect the person who has it! Maybe its you that needs todo research grandparents can still catch it and spread.
And yes it does sound like blackmail do as I say or your not seeing children. The children who are still going to nursery so are at a big risk anyway

You clearly have no idea what you're talking about. "The grandparents can still catch it and spread it"...Exactly right...OP hasn't had the vaccine yet...has she just to put herself and her husband at risk to satisfy the in laws? Why should she double her risk? The only risk just now is nursery(which benefits her child), why add more risk? We're still being told not to mix households just now anyway so OP is following guidelines.

@LockdownIsDrivingMeMad

The covid vaccine program is a trial vaccine.

It takes years of testing and trials to come up with a safe tested vaccine.

The in laws have their heads screwed on right.

Your in laws probably don't want to be Guinea pigs in this vaccine trial.

You are talking through your backside. Posting stuff like that on social media is irresponsible.

@oblada

The risk of someone gullible being indoctrinated into a dangerous sect isn't necessarily that different to someone with no risk factor, vaccinated themselves for instance, getting v ill with covid because of the unvaccinated grandparents.

Fuck me, you're reaching there....... You must be getting desperate to win your 'argument!'

@Druidlookingidiot Agree! @LockdownIsDrivingMeMad has a very apt name. Lockdown is making them chat a special kind of shit!

@cocoyan

I am not against vaccines per se, but gosh the pro-vaccine crowd on here are something else, makes me want to be a covid-denier just to be able to keep away from you lot.

PMSL the batshit crowd are in force tonight!

Enjoy your life, unable to participate in ANYTHING if yo don't have the vaccine!

yanbu but could they lie and say they got the vaccine?

Enjoy your life, unable to participate in ANYTHING if yo don't have the vaccine!

Has the government just announced that? I must have missed it.

I suspect that your opinion has clouded your judgement. Think really honestly and decide if your parents had made the same decision would you also make them stay away?

@Alsohuman

Enjoy your life, unable to participate in ANYTHING if yo don't have the vaccine!

Has the government just announced that? I must have missed it.

You'll see..... Don't say you weren't warned.

@ChloeCrocodile

That is an unbelievably controlling thing to do. You and your children are very low risk. If your parents have been vaccinated they are low risk. If you don’t want to see them then don’t see them. But trying to bully people into medical treatment that they don’t want makes you a dick.

👏🏼

People (generally anti-vaxxers) often remind everyone that refusing the vaccine is a 'personal choice'. This is true. But it's also a very selfish personal choice. We all have a duty to the people around us. The more people are vaccinated, the lower the transmission rate (as the emerging evidence suggests), the better the chances of suppressing the virus, and the lower the likelihood of new, vaccine-resistant variants emerging. Besides this, being vaccinated doesn't offer complete protection to the most vulnerable, so people around them should be doing their bit to reduce risk of transmission too. Finally, some people are vulnerable but can't get the vaccine for medical reasons (allergies, pregnancy etc). The rest of society needs to be vaccinated in order to protect those people.

So in conclusion, YANBU. Their choice to refuse the vaccine, but your choice to respond in a way you feel is appropriate. They get to make the decision to risk themselves; they don't get to make the decision to risk other people.

[quote littlepattilou]@cocoyan

I am not against vaccines per se, but gosh the pro-vaccine crowd on here are something else, makes me want to be a covid-denier just to be able to keep away from you lot.

PMSL the batshit crowd are in force tonight!

Enjoy your life, unable to participate in ANYTHING if yo don't have the vaccine![/quote]
Right..... You are bonkers.

If having contact with your PIL means you have to forego contact with your vaccinated but vulnerable parents, then of course YANBU.

Anti-vaxxers get so defensive over their choice.

You make your choice.

Others then need, or want, to make their choice, as a result of yours.

Everyone’s free to do what they want, so live with it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@peardrops1

People (generally anti-vaxxers) often remind everyone that refusing the vaccine is a 'personal choice'. This is true. But it's also a very selfish personal choice. We all have a duty to the people around us. The more people are vaccinated, the lower the transmission rate (as the emerging evidence suggests), the better the chances of suppressing the virus, and the lower the likelihood of new, vaccine-resistant variants emerging. Besides this, being vaccinated doesn't offer complete protection to the most vulnerable, so people around them should be doing their bit to reduce risk of transmission too. Finally, some people are vulnerable but can't get the vaccine for medical reasons (allergies, pregnancy etc). The rest of society needs to be vaccinated in order to protect those people.

So in conclusion, YANBU. Their choice to refuse the vaccine, but your choice to respond in a way you feel is appropriate. They get to make the decision to risk themselves; they don't get to make the decision to risk other people.

You're making some good points however it is a very 'socialist' view of the world - do you apply it to other areas other than vaccines? What about sharing your income? Your house? I see some collective benefits of course to the vaccine however I will still research it based on my personal situation and make the choice I feel is right for me based on the data and my own risk factors.