AIBU to say ‘no vaccine, no seeing grandchildren’ to my anti vaccine in laws?

[Hfjshdhs]

Name changed because I’m sure that IABU and I’m a bit scared of the fallout!

My PIL are anti vaccine, conspiracy theorists (don’t think Covid exists). They are refusing to get the vaccine.

I have a 3 year old and 5 month old. The 3 year old goes to nursery, but other than that we are incredibly careful and follow all rules. My 5 month old hasn’t met anyone because we are staying safe. None of us are CEV, but equally we have friends who are healthy, have had covid, and had a really awful time of it. So we really don’t want Covid in the house.

AIBU to say to my in laws that if they don’t have the vaccine, I won’t see them, and they won’t be seeing the grandchildren? Or is that a really shitty thing to do?

For context, I have never got on with them. They are extremely controlling. My husband has a very poor relationship with them. But our daughter loves her grandparents so we make sure they have a good relationship. My PIL are both still working, in offices, so exposed every day. If I see my PIL I don’t think I could see my own parents in the following two weeks because they are vulnerable (though have been vaccinated).

It’s their right to do whatever they want with their bodies. If they don’t want an mRNA that’s their choice. It’s also your right to decide who does or doesn’t come into your house. They’ve explained to you how they are exercising their rights (but not participating in a medical programme) and you can now explain to them how you are exercising your rights over who comes into your house. It’s not difficult.

‘The NHS have already said it doesn't stop the spread it just lessons symptoms.’

No they haven’t. They have said we didn’t know what the effect was on spread, because we didn’t.
Now evidence is coming in that it lessens spread considerably but doesn’t stop it 100%. So if you have been vaccinated you can still give someone covid but you are much less likely to.

@GrannyRose15

I don't agree with those who say this isn't bullying. It is. Bullying is defined as seeking to harm, intimidate, or coerce. The grandparents will feel pressured into having a vaccine they don't want by the OP's attitude.

This. My dad is making noises about refusing to let me visit if I don't have the vaccine. He has had it himself but the bonkers thing is I have been seeing him throughout the pandemic anyway so he is trying to emotionally blackmail me. If any friends wont see me because I wont consent to a medical procedure then off they can fuck too.

@FakingMemories

It’s their right to do whatever they want with their bodies. If they don’t want an mRNA that’s their choice. It’s also your right to decide who does or doesn’t come into your house. They’ve explained to you how they are exercising their rights (but not participating in a medical programme) and you can now explain to them how you are exercising your rights over who comes into your house. It’s not difficult.

“an mRNA”

Mega lols.

@Sometimeswinning uptake in doctors is approaching 92% and that's not accounting for the doctors who are not able to have the vaccine.

Nurses generally are less well educated than doctors and clearly (as a demographic) not as good at critical thinking.

I'm with you OP, vaccination is a choice and you can't force people into it, but I'm also not going to enable people who make bad choices.

OP, I wouldn't let them near your kids for fear they'd transmit their utter fucking stupidity.

@littlepattilou

Accusing the OP of 'using the vaccine as an excuse because she hates her in-laws,' is just such a dumb thing to say.

The in-laws refusing the vaccine is not an 'excuse,' it's a very good reason!

Not really given that she clearly isn't the least bit concerned about COVID since she is sending her kids to nursery where staff and other children will be vaccinated.

I bet my bottom dollar if her own parents refused to get the vaccine she'd still be seeing them

I don't see how this is any different than insisting they get a flu shot before they hold your child, something that is perfectly common.

Is it never ever once heard of anyone refusing to let someone hold their child unless they've had a flu jab. Is this one of those 'only on MN' things?

@CatOnAHotTinHoof

OP, I wouldn't let them near your kids for fear they'd transmit their utter fucking stupidity.

Yes, that would be my worry too.

The main danger is to them and not to you. Honestly, if your kid goes to nursery then you are basically accepting that you are happy to take the risk. Rates of covid will go up once lockdown measures are lifted. Lockdown was never about controlling covid but about controlling hospital admissions/death. So from the point of view of safety - if they are happy to take the risk then I would say it's up to them (once official guidance changes). This doesnt take away the fact that they are anti-vaxxers etc

What @CatOnAHotTinHoof said!

@oblada

To all those stating that people MUST get the covid vaccine otherwise they are mad/stupid etc - I hope you won't be holidaying in France anytime soon. The uptake over there is pretty poor.

Personally I haven't made up my mind but I'm enough of an adult to realise we all need to make individual choices, ideally informed choices, on the matter and respect the choices made by others.

This.

The whole ridiculous catastrophising in place of a real argument is SO boring too. "Their personal opinion could KILL YOU". Wow some people have REALLY had too much time in lockdown haven't they. How do people like this leave the house and not have a nervous breakdown over it?!

Covidiots. Anti-vaxxers. Selfish. HOUSE!

Are you going to ask for proof if they say they'll have it done?

Absolutely bonkers thread.

@CatOnAHotTinHoof

OP, I wouldn't let them near your kids for fear they'd transmit their utter fucking stupidity.

Regardless of the vaccine argument, do people really only let their parents around their children if they have the same life views as they do?

My exMIL thinks that minstrels aren't racist, that travellers are all thieves, that all women should be a SAHM until the kids are in school. I couldn't disagree with her more. She's still a fantastic grandma and manages not to have these adult discussion with my small children. My kids adore her, and to me if I prevented them having a relationship with her - one of the most important relationships a child can have, IMO - and said at 18 "oh you don't know your granny because we disagreed on political views/women's rights/gender politics so I thought I'd better keep her away from you even though you adored her" I would rightly expect my children to think I was a shitty horrible mother.

I’m sure we had this thread a while ago.

Didn’t we all conclude that the best thing was to get some leaflets which explain the vaccine and give them to the PiL and have a chat with them.

Also it could help to have some other people they know and respect from their community talk to them about it.

There is more vaccine hesitancy if not outright anti-vaccine feeling out there than people realise. People need some time given to them and some sensitivity and explanation and also to be listened to. These are more likely to result in these PiL, who however annoying are surely loved.

Personally I wouldn’t t be talking about issues about seeing the grandchildren until lots and lots of steps had been taken to help them understand the issues. I feel it is the children’s responsibility to take this on board....and that’s not just berating them or preaching, but listening and finding information in a form that might help them.

At the current time, there’s no chance to see people indoors anyway, so there is still time to work on this.

People are just too simplistic in labelling all those who are hesitant as idiots.

And think carefully about making threats about seeing grandchildren. Consider if you will follow through because there is no point saying it unless you’ve thought about the short and long term implications. It’s a big step, and taking such an extreme one probably can be avoided.

Sounds like you want to do just to spite or punish them. You also don't say if there's a time limit, will they never see the grandchildren again or will they just have to wait until all restrictions are lifted.

Its their choice to have the vaccine or not, you can choose not to put yourselves or them at increased risk by socialising earlier but you can't use it as a stick to beat them with.

You are being reasonable. You have the people you work with and your children to think about.. and also you in laws themselves to think about... I totally support you here.

YANBU as if they are absolute deniers it means they won't be taking any precautions which makes them higher than average risk. And more likely that they are spending time with people with similar beliefs taking similar risks increases the risk further. If you want to maintain contact, then contact by video calls might be the way to go.

Be careful with your dc and attachments if you think PILs are capable of manipulating and being abusive, as being attached means your dc will be vulnerable to any sort of abuse in the future.

Yanbu, op

You already have risk in your life, so why tolerate more when it's unnecessary.

YANBU to be concerned. I would be looking at outdoor contact or video calls only until everyone in your household is fully vaccinated (I include the children in that, and know that a vaccination for children is some time away) or levels are literally zero in your area (also some time away the way things are going). It's some time until indoor contacts will be allowed anyway so that buys you a bit of time, just say you are sticking to the rules.

I am not against vaccines per se, but gosh the pro-vaccine crowd on here are something else, makes me want to be a covid-denier just to be able to keep away from you lot.

@Cuppachino

So you are going to blackmail them? Tell me how them not having the vacancie effects you or your children?

Oh behave. Why are the in-laws allowed to make their 'own decisions' but the OP is accused of 'blackmail' for making her own decisions?

If you don't even know about the basics of this vaccine, I suggest you do some reading up on it. Your comment of "Tell me how them not having the vacancie effects you or your children?" is ridiculous. Do you seriously not know the benefits of vaccines? Really?

The benefits off the vacancie are to protect the person who has it! Maybe its you that needs todo research grandparents can still catch it and spread. And yes it does sound like blackmail do as I say or your not seeing children. The children who are still going to nursery so are at a big risk anyway.

The conspiracy theory alone would make me go NC let alone not wanting to protect family and others.

^This with bells on.

@Coyoacan

I am not against vaccines per se, but gosh the pro-vaccine crowd on here are something else, makes me want to be a covid-denier just to be able to keep away from you lot.

Haha I have similar feelings tbh. I'm not against the vaccine but this blind obsession with it here is something else. It's a vaccine not a miracle cure. It will have side effects, pros and cons, risks and benefits. It's not going to be perfect first time round and I for one will review the risks and benefits applicable to me before signing up for it.