AIBU to say ‘no vaccine, no seeing grandchildren’ to my anti vaccine in laws?

[Hfjshdhs]

Name changed because I’m sure that IABU and I’m a bit scared of the fallout!

My PIL are anti vaccine, conspiracy theorists (don’t think Covid exists). They are refusing to get the vaccine.

I have a 3 year old and 5 month old. The 3 year old goes to nursery, but other than that we are incredibly careful and follow all rules. My 5 month old hasn’t met anyone because we are staying safe. None of us are CEV, but equally we have friends who are healthy, have had covid, and had a really awful time of it. So we really don’t want Covid in the house.

AIBU to say to my in laws that if they don’t have the vaccine, I won’t see them, and they won’t be seeing the grandchildren? Or is that a really shitty thing to do?

For context, I have never got on with them. They are extremely controlling. My husband has a very poor relationship with them. But our daughter loves her grandparents so we make sure they have a good relationship. My PIL are both still working, in offices, so exposed every day. If I see my PIL I don’t think I could see my own parents in the following two weeks because they are vulnerable (though have been vaccinated).

Their right not to have the vaccine, your right to not see them, even if you do not like them, you would not want them to get covid from your family.

I suspect a lot of anti vaxers will cave when the covid passport is rolled out and it interferes with their enjoyment of holidays etc.

One thing that annoys me about this entire debate is so many people labelling those not wishing to have the vaccination of being "anti-vaxxers".

Every single person I know who is choosing not to have the Covid jab (as in indeed their right) has had ALL of their standard vaccinations and, if they could time travel, would have them again. Why don't people seem to understand that they are therefore not "anti-vaxxers"?

@justasking111

Their right not to have the vaccine, your right to not see them, even if you do not like them, you would not want them to get covid from your family.

I suspect a lot of anti vaxers will cave when the covid passport is rolled out and it interferes with their enjoyment of holidays etc.

I will laugh my head off if anti vax-ers miss out on things because of their idiocy.

In response to the OP, no YANBU.

I will not knowingly spend any time with people who have refused this (or any) vaccine.

vaxers*. Stupid phone!

@GoldSlipper

One thing that annoys me about this entire debate is so many people labelling those not wishing to have the vaccination of being "anti-vaxxers".

Every single person I know who is choosing not to have the Covid jab (as in indeed their right) has had ALL of their standard vaccinations and, if they could time travel, would have them again. Why don't people seem to understand that they are therefore not "anti-vaxxers"?

If you had all the standard vaccines, there is absolutely no reason to not have the Covid one. The only thing stopping people is pure ignorance. Educate yourself FFS.

I would not be allowing it, nor would I want my DC exposed to such harmful nonsense.

@Motherchicken

YABU the vaccine doesn’t stop you from getting it, or transmitting it, just means you won’t be as ill and end up in hospital. So really whether they have it or not will not affect you.

Actually this is incorrect. It’s looking more and more like the vaccines do stop transmitting to a high level. Read the research. I do wish people would stop peddling this shite.

@GoldSlipper

One thing that annoys me about this entire debate is so many people labelling those not wishing to have the vaccination of being "anti-vaxxers".

Every single person I know who is choosing not to have the Covid jab (as in indeed their right) has had ALL of their standard vaccinations and, if they could time travel, would have them again. Why don't people seem to understand that they are therefore not "anti-vaxxers"?

You're right, they're probably idiots with superiority complexes who believe they know better than biochemical experts. Is that a better term?

COVID vaccine does not stop catching and spreading of COVID - nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/coronavirus-vaccination/coronavirus-vaccine/

Every single person I know who is choosing not to have the Covid jab (as in indeed their right) has had ALL of their standard vaccinations and, if they could time travel, would have them again. Why don't people seem to understand that they are therefore not "anti-vaxxers"?

Every single person? You know multiple people that just don't want the vaccine? Thank goodness I don't know anybody like this in real life. I honestly haven't heard anyone saying they don't want the vaccine. We are all eagerly awaiting them, we can't wait. I would bet they'll change their mind very rapidly when they see the impact on their lives without the vaccine...much like OPs PIL.

If they are controlling you should be low contact anyway.

[quote Sparrowcrane]COVID vaccine does not stop catching and spreading of COVID - nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/coronavirus-vaccination/coronavirus-vaccine/[/quote]
A handful of recent studies suggest that the coronavirus vaccines developed by Pfizer/BioNTech and Moderna not only prevent people who are exposed to the virus from contracting Covid-19, but also prevent them from spreading the virus to others—and some experts say public health messaging should start reflecting that benefit.

Millions of people have received the COVID-19 vaccine since it began rolling out.

I have not heard of one serious adverse reaction.

And let’s be honest - there absolutely is a correlation between intelligence, education and critical thinking skills, and uptake of vaccines.

YABU. They are grandparents. It's not a medical issue if you've been vaccinated, it's a gripe about not liking a view they have. Your children will be happier and better adjusted people if they are allowed to see people with a range of political and social views, especially if those people love and adore them. But if you're taking this line, make sure you're consistent and ban your children from contact with anyone who hasn't had a flu vaccination, chicken pox vaccination etc. You could draw up a spreadsheet and send forms in advance of meetings.

But it isn’t just because they’re refusing to have the vaccine. The OP also cites the fact that they’re Covid-deniers and conspiracy theories in general. I would be concerned about allowing people with such views regular contact with my DDs. And in my experiences (my late uncle in particular) conspiracy theorists don’t tend to just ‘agree to differ’.

However, she’s also honest enough to admit that she already strongly dislikes her PILs. (Although it sounds like there’s good reason for this, going back to long before Covid.)

Your comment proves that you know nothing about this vaccine. Why don't you read up on HOW they were able to come up with a vaccine quickly. Read up on the funding of vaccines and the difference with this one or how much of a head start they had with this because of SARS and MERS

A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing. You do realise that all these vaccines only have emergency approval worldwide? Which means that everyone who is being vaccinated is part of the fourth stage of the vaccine trials. I don't object as there wasn't much choice under the circumstances, but don't pretend there are no risks

I think we should all have the vaccine.

However, you do realise that having the vaccine doesn't stop them getting coronavirus? It just minimises their symptoms. Therefore, I'm unsure what difference it will make to whether they pass it on to your kids.

My exMIL thinks that minstrels aren't racist, that travellers are all thieves, that all women should be a SAHM until the kids are in school. I couldn't disagree with her more. She's still a fantastic grandma and manages not to have these adult discussion with my small children. My kids adore her, and to me if I prevented them having a relationship with her - one of the most important relationships a child can have, IMO - and said at 18 "oh you don't know your granny because we disagreed on political views/women's rights/gender politics so I thought I'd better keep her away from you even though you adored her" I would rightly expect my children to think I was a shitty horrible mother

This. I know people with all the ‘correct’ views that are horrible human beings.

OP is obviously using the COVID thing to distance herself from people she doesn’t like, she needs to be honest with herself about the reason.

The risk to her family is vanishingly low since I assume they are all relatively young and in good health. Ffs the child goes to nursery.

It’s not about COVID

Also, this anti-vaxxer thing is just nonsense, coming very likely from people who are not even updated on their own shots.

When’s the last time you got Tdap? Or updates on your hepatitis shots? Do you get rabies shots when travelling abroad?

Are you making sure you are getting the shingles vaccine? Or the pneumonia vaccine? Meningitis?

Are you getting your child vaccinated against chicken pox? That kills children ... (now why isn’t this one mandated?)

The short answer is that of course you don’t. You get the ones that are suitable for your particular risk profile.

If the in-laws are not particularly old, obese or have an underlying condition, they are still low risk for themselves and pose virtually no risk to you, seeing as your child goes to nursery anyway.

And just how would you know if they have or not?
They can easily lie
Will you let your kids out in public? you won't know who has or hasn't been vaccinated, nor do you have a right to ask someone's medical status

It's kind of bizarre just how many people are woefully out-of-date on Covid vaccines and transmission. They were obviously following things up until a few weeks ago, when the scientists were still saying "We don't yet have evidence that the vaccines prevent transmission, though we're hopeful that they will" (which they've misunderstood as "The vaccines don't prevent transmission", because they don't speak scientist). But somehow they've missed the many triumphant news stories in more recent weeks showing the mounting evidence that the vaccines do cut transmission. How have people managed to miss this? Did their tellies break or something?

I mean yeah, the NHS page is still advising caution and saying you can still transmit even when vaccinated, because the risk is still there even if it's smaller and we don't want people getting careless at this point. But how have people missed the news stories, given they're clearly people who take/have taken an interest in the topic?