AIBU to send a 2.5 year old to bed hungry?

[AuntVictoria]

DS is 2.5 and has become increasingly fussy, to the point that he will only eat bread and humous for dinner. He is fairly fussy in general but not as bad for other meals - he eats a wide variety of fruit but little veg, plenty of carbs and dairy, but very little meat / eggs and so little protein. We have recently realised that DS is 99th centile for weight with his BMI, so are currently overhauling all of our diets and portion control as this is obviously a huge concern.

We're now being much stricter about insisting DS at least tries his dinner, but he hasn't eaten more than a tiny mouthful all week. I hate the idea of him going to bewad hungry, so after his bath will let him have some bread and humous. DH wants to instigate a rule that he eats his dinner or nothing. Who is being unreasonable?

Please don’t worry about BMI at this age! My son who is now 13 was weighed when he was in reception so age 4. They sent me a letter saying he was overweight. He was 10lb 8 at birth so always on the high centiles! You could see his ribs.

This is such an upsetting thread, I agree with the posters saying it’s abusive. Actually those who even use pudding as a form of reward/punishment are not modelling good behaviour either.

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

Crumbs. Making her eat in the dark is horrible.

My son used to get podgy then shoot up so it's probs a growth spurt.

Just make him something he will like, he's 2. He's too young to understand.

Very surprised at some of the responses on here, especially eating in the dark in their room.

‘The kid gets food (not cold) and has to eat it in the bedroom in normal dim-bedroom light without any further messing around’

That isn’t what was said though?

I’m guessing you actually are that pp and have name changed to come back and try to defend yourself?

Hungry children eat

OP - is your DS even hungry? He seems to be eating well during the day so why the stress? Offer him some veggies etc but if he doesn't want any maybe he's not hungry? Especially if he has had things he likes during the day. It's quite a lot of bread otherwise if he has bread/toast at lunch and dinner.
If my kids have 'treats' during the day like ice cream and snacks when out and about etc it is quite frequent that they won't want any dinner.
Or alternatively offer him something healthy that he likes like some fruit.
As long as my kids have had some things they like on offer during the day, mixed with healthier things / new things, I don't worry about how much they've had if they're happy enough...

I despair how women can normalise cruel and bullying abuse their husbands dole out
Wake the fuck up and prioritise your child not an overbearing cruel bully

@PotatoesPastaAndBread.
Absolutely disgusted you do this to your own flesh and blood. That is child abuse right there.
It comes in many forms. And there is nothing remotely fucking ha ha about it.

Yes it’s child abuse, in plain sight

@JovialNickname

In response to the post that everyone's getting so worked up about, she hasn't said the child has to eat the food cold (not that it would be cold as she's said it's no more than an hour to bedtime) she's just said the child doesn't get the "reward" of getting to go downstairs, have all the lights on again, chat to mum and dad, and basically use "I'm hungry" as a tool to stay up longer. The kid gets food (not cold) and has to eat it in the bedroom in normal dim-bedroom light without any further messing around, if they're genuinely hungry and need to eat. So that they don't go to bed hungry, but it's basically such a boring procedure they give up on it eventually. Sounds fine to me!

You haven't made it sound any better.

Stop trying to justify abusive and neglectful behaviour.

We had similar with our just turned 2 year old after her little sister was born. In late pregnancy she’d had lots of ‘easy’ options like beans on toast, pasta etc so once her sister was born and we started serving proper meals again every mealtime became a battle. We lived by these rules:

•offer lots of variety at dinner. E.g. spaghetti bolognaise, we kept the mince and the spaghetti separate, and offered garlic bread too so that if she genuinely didn’t like part of a meal, there was lots of other things she could eat.
•no more of any ‘parts’ of the meal until she’d tried everything. E.g. no more garlic bread if she hasn’t even tried her mince
•no pressure to eat anything. We didn’t ask her to eat anything, and only mentioned trying other foods if she asked for more of something
•if she complains about being hungry before bed, we offer her the leftovers from dinner

This worked quite quickly. She did go to bed without dinner a few times, but that was out of her own choice and not because she didn’t like the food.

YABVVU

Why would anyone send a their 2.5 DS to bed hungry & inflict suffering is cruel.
Your DH is is being very unreasonable, please do not support him.

Our rule always was if you don’t eat you go hungry or eat it later, none of this get made a different meal made later rubbish, or allowed to eat toast, fruit etc instead. our kids now eat anything where. As friends kids are still little brats at meal times until they get what they want.

Wholemeal bread & hummus seems pretty healthy- I'd give him a side of that with dinner. Maybe try different types of hummus or add mashed up avocado or similar? 2 is too young to understand consequences fully, plus if he has a big lunch & afternoon snack he may just not be hungry at dinner (esp a toddler dinner time)

With regards to @PotatoesPastaAndBread. The concern is that your odd method of feeding your hungry child appears to be working. But not in a good way.
You say "Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time"

That could be that she's just forcing food down, so she doesn't get subjected to eating alone,on silence in her room.

You're effectively punishing her for not eating her dinner (whatever the reason for not eating is) and when she is telling you she's hungry, she's getting punished.

And let's give you the benefit of the doubt, and assume the PP was correct and that actually the child is given their dinner, reheated in a dim and quiet room. That's still fucking weird, that dinner is given in the bedroom and in silence and alone.

Any way you look at it...it's bad.

exactly what I thought Rainbowlou

In response to the post that everyone's getting so worked up about, she hasn't said the child has to eat the food cold (not that it would be cold as she's said it's no more than an hour to bedtime) she's just said the child doesn't get the "reward" of getting to go downstairs, have all the lights on again, chat to mum and dad, and basically use "I'm hungry" as a tool to stay up longer. The kid gets food (not cold) and has to eat it in the bedroom in normal dim-bedroom light without any further messing around, if they're genuinely hungry and need to eat. So that they don't
go to bed hungry, but it's basically such a boring procedure they give up on it eventually. Sounds fine to me!

I dont know if I'm more upset that people are horrible enough to do this to their children as a cruel punishment or that there are other people defending it your poor poor children. And no doubt when they teens/adults you'll be mystified as to the reason they have a difficult relationship with food

Food should NEVER be used as a punishment

And other posters calling children ‘brats’, horrible.

@PotatoesPastaAndBread

We have the rule that is "dinner and no alternative". But if dinner is refused then at bed time "I'm hungry", that's ok, but dd gets what's left of her dinner in the dark in silence in her bedroom. Haha sounds harsh written down. There's usually only an hour or so between dinner and bed. Also over time, she's started to understand and now eats better at dinner time.

Christ.

If your children makes it to adolescence without choking to death in the dark, that’s one hell of an eating disorder you’re setting them up for.

Indeed, I'm not sure many people would be inclined to take parenting advice from someone who calls children brats!

@AuntVictoria I wouldn't let him go to bed hungry, he's only 2 and he doesn't understand.

@PotatoesPastaAndBread please tell me you're not serious?

I'm not for pandering to children. But sending a two year old to bed hungry is quite cruel I think.

You need to be form with your husband on this OP, your son is too ,litlle to understand. Don't turn food into a battleground, its cruel and pointless.