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Original poster

To ask for money for wedding presents?

416 replies

AvocadoHo · 06/03/2021 13:46

Myself and fiancé have been together years, lived together 3years. We have everything for our home. Although, we are currently in the process of renovating. We get married next year and fiancé has said about asking for money for wedding present that we can put towards house renovation.
Is this acceptable? How would you word it? I've had a few wedding invites with the cheeky/funny poems asking for money and these make me a little uncomfortable. 🙈😂

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 06/03/2021 17:18

@luckylavender

I think it's really crass. And so difficult for some people who may not be able to afford much. A cheap gift doesn't shout 'I'm really skint' like a £5 or £10 in a card does.
It does...
Nellle · 06/03/2021 17:18

I'm mid-30s so have been to about 20 weddings over the last 10 years. Every single one asked for money and I wouldn't dream of attending a wedding without giving the gift they asked for.

Go for it OP. It's now the norm. I'd be interested to know the ages of the posters who think it's poor taste.

Cuppaza · 06/03/2021 17:19

Look, if you don’t want presents, don’t ask for anything! If your guests know you, they’ll know you don’t need anything and probably just give you money. But please don’t ask for money.
Cringey and rude.
It’s a wedding. Guests are there because you want them to share your day. It’s not a chargeable event.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 06/03/2021 17:19

@cravingmilkshake

Agree, hate the poems.... we had a line along the lines of :

" you being in attendance is worth more than gifts or money, however a few of you have suggested you would like to mark the occasion. We are going to Crete on our honeymoon and would be grateful for contributions towards dinner/ days out, or please make a donation to McMillan nurses.

I think just over £1000 was given to the nurses :)

That’s perfect, and as a supporter of dog rescue charities I’d be thrilled if £1000 was donated due to my request for that cause.
Cuppaza · 06/03/2021 17:20

@Nellle, I’m mid 30’s too

Alaimo · 06/03/2021 17:20

Just say you'd appreciate money/a contribution towards X on the invite.

I really hate invites that dont mention gifts at all. Maybe it's because I didn't grow up in the UK, but I found it really stressful to try figure out what the unwritten rules are for gift-giving. Just let me know what you want and I'll give it (within reason obviously).

LeilaDarling · 06/03/2021 17:23

We didn’t put a gift list in and all but 3 people gave us money or vouchers. I think sometimes by saying nothing people will default to cash.

Jay2020 · 06/03/2021 17:26

We did a honeymoon fund-we chose specific activities we wanted to do on our honeymoon (cocktails on the beach,a trip to a nature reserve), and the money could be spent on that thing-then we included photos of us doing the activities in our thank you card. I bet something similar could be done with a house Reno,even if it was slightly vaguer items. Slightly more personal and an element of choosing a gift too. Some friends did a similar thing for their wedding that gave me the idea and I loved the gift we have of money towards their cats being looked after whilst they were on honeymoon-it felt so much more personal than simply the same amount of cash without a purpose would have felt (even though it was still just cash for them to do as they wished with it!)

TheGoogleMum · 06/03/2021 17:28

Well I wouldn't be offended to receive an invite saying money is more useful than presents. I think its usually put as more of 'you don't need to get us anything but if you insist money towards x would be really useful' . And then be understanding if people can only afford a little or maybe take you up on the 'nothing needed' bit! Wedding's can be so expensive to attend as it is!

Crazycatlady007 · 06/03/2021 17:32

I'm old fashioned & I think it's very offensive to ask for money as a wedding gift.

tiredmum2468 · 06/03/2021 17:32

My sister is older than me (she's 47) been married 25 years this year

When she got married she had a department store gift list which seemed fashionable at the time but my brother got married 3 years ago and asked money as they already had house stuff

I wouldn't be offended in people asking for money but I'd automatically do that anyway I think now, I'm sure you'll get the odd random little dish or candle tho

We get married next year and I'm having a gift list as we've lived together over 10 years and would love to replace house stuff and get some nice new lamps and things

Screwcorona · 06/03/2021 17:33

I used a poem 🤣 however it was worded that their presence requires no presents, if they insist then small token cash gift towards honeymoon would be preferred. I dint think it was cheeky and thankfully our guests knew we were genuine and were comfortable coming with just a card.

We still got a few random bits like photo frames etc but didnt want to waste friends money on toasters and household bits that we didnt need.

Jamboree01 · 06/03/2021 17:33

@Crazycatlady007

I'm old fashioned & I think it's very offensive to ask for money as a wedding gift.
That’s not old fashioned, it’s just good manners.
AnxiousPixie · 06/03/2021 17:43

We put:

As we already live together there are few material things we need. Your presence at our wedding is present enough for us but we understand that some of you might still like to give a gift. If that is the case we would be very happy to receive a donation towards our life together that will enable us to make many happy memories in the future.

Almost everyone have cash, done asked if they could pick vouchers. No one as far as I am aware batted an eyelid.

Apologies to everyone that finds it vulgar or distasteful, maybe that's why we're not friends 🤷

Pollypudding · 06/03/2021 17:47

I love a good wedding and in my experience guests WANT to give a gift to the happy couple. When my friends were getting married it was traditional to have a gift registry. Now my sons’ friends are getting married cash or vouchers are more common. Some have asked to give to charity. I am always delighted to be asked to a wedding and happy to go with what works for the couple. Money is so sensible as they can add it all together to get something they really need or want. Sometimes I make a small personal gift or also give a bottle of champagne as well as cash. In my mid 50s.

yikesanotherbooboo · 06/03/2021 17:48

Don't ask for anything but if people approach you to ask why you would like you can say that you are planning a project on the house.

Springingintospring · 06/03/2021 17:50

Asking for money for honeymoon/house is absolutely the norm among young couples getting married. Its fine and expected.
Personally I think the poems are totally cringe and awful though.

ElderMillennial · 06/03/2021 17:53

I think it's rude to ask for money or distribute a gift list. If someone asks you it is okay to say that their company is enough but a contribution to the honey moon would be appreciated if they want to give a gift or to direct them to the gift list after they have asked.

TisConfusion · 06/03/2021 17:53

Got married 2 years ago and we didn't mention anything about gifts or money in the invitations.
Most people gave us money anyway.

Nebulacoffee · 06/03/2021 17:54

If people ask, tell then you’d like money. If they don’t ask, say nothing.
No poems!!!

BusySittingDown · 06/03/2021 17:56

No, don't ask for anything. If people bring you a gift or money then that's up to them but asking is fucking cheeky imo.

If you want to renovate your house then save up for it yourselves!

Jamboree01 · 06/03/2021 17:57

@AnxiousPixie

We put:

As we already live together there are few material things we need. Your presence at our wedding is present enough for us but we understand that some of you might still like to give a gift. If that is the case we would be very happy to receive a donation towards our life together that will enable us to make many happy memories in the future.

Almost everyone have cash, done asked if they could pick vouchers. No one as far as I am aware batted an eyelid.

Apologies to everyone that finds it vulgar or distasteful, maybe that's why we're not friends 🤷

We’re not friends as we have never met 🤷‍♀️

We didn’t ask for anything, 99.9% of the guests gave cash. We had a couple of photo frames that were actually really nice.

As someone else stated, I give cash by default.

I was just grateful that people cared enough to attend and share our wedding day. I really wasn’t worried about them bringing any kind of gift to be honest and certainly wouldn’t have requested any kind of gift. Cash or otherwise.

AgeLikeWine · 06/03/2021 17:57

Asking for money as wedding presents is one of the things MN is notoriously weird about, OP.

In real life, normal people think it’s completely fine and 100% acceptable. Go for it.

changi · 06/03/2021 18:03

No one thinks it’s in bad taste or vulgar anymore

They obviously do.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 06/03/2021 18:03

I still don't understand why it's more cheeky and crass to ask for cash than for a lamp from John Lewis🙈

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