To ask for money for wedding presents?

[AvocadoHo]

Myself and fiancé have been together years, lived together 3years. We have everything for our home. Although, we are currently in the process of renovating. We get married next year and fiancé has said about asking for money for wedding present that we can put towards house renovation.
Is this acceptable? How would you word it? I've had a few wedding invites with the cheeky/funny poems asking for money and these make me a little uncomfortable. 🙈😂

Obviously it's common. Have you seen the super pretty postboxes you can hire? So cute! My friends had it and I am still in a huff that we didn't 😂😂😂

If you asked for cash for renovations. my first thought would be that there's plenty needs doing in my own house

Definitely this

I don’t mind giving money but I do mind being asked, it’s rude to put anything in the invitation.

@AvocadoHo

Myself and fiancé have been together years, lived together 3years. We have everything for our home. Although, we are currently in the process of renovating. We get married next year and fiancé has said about asking for money for wedding present that we can put towards house renovation. Is this acceptable? How would you word it? I've had a few wedding invites with the cheeky/funny poems asking for money and these make me a little uncomfortable. 🙈😂

Traditionally, wedding gifts were given to help a young couple furnish their house, as both of them would have come straight from living with their parents' homes. All they would have had would have been their own personal belongings and whatever had been saved into a 'bottom drawer'.

Well, tradition doesn't apply any more. As you say, you have a home and it is furnished already.

I was in your position twenty odd years ago. We had everything. So we asked that people didn't give us gifts. My family and friends were going to have to travel to the wedding and stay in hotels/B&Bs and I didn't want to add to the expense of it all for them. Pressure was applied to my by relatives shocked (Shocked I tell you! ) at the thought of not giving a gift. So we relented and came up with a suitably low-key Wedding List (white towels, nice wine glasses).

So no, I do not think it is really acceptable. People want to get you something that you can look at and think "X bought me that". Don't ask for cash.

People want to get you something that you can look at and think "X bought me that".

Do they? I certainly don’t.

That strikes me as reflective of an old fashioned relationship with ‘stuff’?

I want to give my friends what they actually want. If that’s contributing to an amazing honeymoon, brilliant!

I must have been to 15 weddings in the last 5 years and every single one said they would like cash, usually towards their honeymoon. I've never bought someone a wedding gift, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at being asked for cash.

Sorry in my eyes it’s very rude. One of my friends asked for vouchers to help with furnishings for an extension they were doing and I did send some, but would have preferred to buy a gift

Either do a list for people, or ask them to donate to a charity

The twee postboxes and wishing wells are utterly vulgar. 'No boxed gifts please' also means 'I want money' and will be seen through instantly. If you really don't want gifts then say 'no gifts'.

People these days tend to give money unprompted. And of course it's a different matter entirely if someone approaches you and directly asks you what you want. In that scenario, 'nothing, but a small contribution to X if you'd like to give us something' is perfectly acceptable. Generic invites asking for money, no. Especially if it's an 'evening only' invitation, in which case it's a gargantuan cheek.

I give cash as a default and given that I like everyone who's wedding I attend, I'm more than happy to do so. I don't give a shit if they do put a poem in an invite, if I turned my nose up at that then I'm not a good friend.

The majority of folk getting married already own their own homes and if I can contribute to a honeymoon or home repairs then that's fine with me!

I would put it like this:

Myself and himself
Are not left on the shelf
So we kindly ask yourself
To give us some dosh.

We've got lots of glasses
And pillows and vases
And towels to wipe arses
Cos we're really posh.

Don't mean to be cheeky
But our ceilings are leaky
And not to be sneaky
But we want you to pay.

Come praise us for shagging
But our floorboards are sagging
And my muse is now flagging
So have a nice day.

People want to get you something that you can look at and think "X bought me that".

The problem with this is that it simply won't happen. If I was getting married again I would again said no physical gifts because I don't like too much stuff around. So no, I wouldn't be looking at something lovingly with "aw x bought us that". I would most likely not have it here and either passed it forward or gifted it to charity shop.

People need to stop this urge to bury others in stuff they haven't asked for and don't want.

I would however happily accept a contribution towards an expensive illustration I really want, for example. Then I would think about them, yeah.

We did a Honeymoon gift list - trips, fancy meals etc. so although guests gave cash we could take photos of us doing the thing they had paid for.
We worded it along the lines that we don't need anything and would be happy with their company but if they wanted to get something we would love to add things to our honeymoon.
It meant we did things we wouldn't have and made for an amazing trip!

"Don't mention gifts at all on the invitation.

Most will likely give money anyway."

Hehe, my friend thought this. She got 11 his and hers mug sets

I think vouchers are more acceptable

These days, couples live together before marriage unlike how it "used" to be.

Most already have traditional wedding presents (house items) and don't need those.

When DH and I married in 2014 we put together a Next Home gift list, we were living together but wanted some items that would remind us of how we got them (vases etc).

On the end of our invite, we said that we do not expect a gift, we are just happy to share our day with you.

Anyway, we ended up with all of the items on our gift list plus over £2000 in cash.

I don't think it's rude to ask for money, I personally don't like the poems. We live in 2021 now and I love going to weddings where they ask for money because it's an "easy" gift.

@woodhill

I think vouchers are more acceptable

Why?? It’s the exact same thing, except on a bit of plastic or paper??

Unless you want control over where the people spend it? Damask silk napkins - fine. £50 spent on double vodkas after work - horrendous 😂

No boxed gifts please

I hate that one. Makes we want to buy a toaster and take it out of box and turn up with it in a gift bag.

The best wedding I went to asked for charity donations when guests asked for the list. It was a really lovely day.

@wishes1111

These days, couples live together before marriage unlike how it "used" to be.

Most already have traditional wedding presents (house items) and don't need those.

When DH and I married in 2014 we put together a Next Home gift list, we were living together but wanted some items that would remind us of how we got them (vases etc).

On the end of our invite, we said that we do not expect a gift, we are just happy to share our day with you.

Anyway, we ended up with all of the items on our gift list plus over £2000 in cash.

I don't think it's rude to ask for money, I personally don't like the poems. We live in 2021 now and I love going to weddings where they ask for money because it's an "easy" gift.

I’d give money regardless what year it is. I don’t expect to be asked for money or a gift as it’s rude and is not a good look for the couple who are requesting it.

I think this is becoming more common and socially acceptable.
I still prefer to give a gift if Im honest but can see why the bride and groom may prefer money, its just ( and I dont why) giving money feels like you are paying to attend their wedding!
Could you ask for gift vouchers instead from b and q or similar? Or if you are renovating would you like new kitchen or bathroom things to go with renovation?( obviously depending on what renovation is) But please no naff poem, a note explaining what you just said here is fine!

I think it's really crass. And so difficult for some people who may not be able to afford much. A cheap gift doesn't shout 'I'm really skint' like a £5 or £10 in a card does.

Urgh. I hate it and think it’s really ill mannered to ask for anything, let alone money (unless culturally appropriate).

Happy and would want to buy you a gift that I’d taken care in chosing (given that I’d know you if attending your wedding). I do not wish to fund anyone’s DIY or honeymoon.

If you can’t afford either of the above, look at your budget.

I love giving money as a wedding present. I wish it was just the norm.

Mn would make you believe it was like asking to kill a kitten; that’s not the case in my rl.

Agree, hate the poems.... we had a line along the lines of :

" you being in attendance is worth more than gifts or money, however a few of you have suggested you would like to mark the occasion. We are going to Crete on our honeymoon and would be grateful for contributions towards dinner/ days out, or please make a donation to McMillan nurses.

I think just over £1000 was given to the nurses :)

@ThroughThickAndThin01

I love giving money as a wedding present. I wish it was just the norm.

Mn would make you believe it was like asking to kill a kitten; that’s not the case in my rl.

Yes. I can imagine the aibu going similar way

"AIBU to sacrifice a lamb to outlr lord Satan during wedding ceremony? Oh and ask for money rather than gifts?"

"Yabu to ask for money, so unclassy! Make sure lamb is free range xxx"