To ask for money for wedding presents?

[AvocadoHo]

Myself and fiancé have been together years, lived together 3years. We have everything for our home. Although, we are currently in the process of renovating. We get married next year and fiancé has said about asking for money for wedding present that we can put towards house renovation.
Is this acceptable? How would you word it? I've had a few wedding invites with the cheeky/funny poems asking for money and these make me a little uncomfortable. 🙈😂

It's not the norm in my circles, most people have a gift list or ask for charity donations. I'd say nothing if you want cash personally.

I have received a few cash/honeymoon donation requests in around 10% of weddings I've been to (I've been to a lot). I do comply but spend about double if I buy an actual gift they'll keep, use and appreciate.

This pisses me off so much. Why do people EXPECT a gift from people attending their wedding. It's so presumptuous! Just don't say anything, accept gifts gracefully.

Never sure why people feel so strongly about it. Would much rather give money, voucher, or donation to honeymoon rather than searching for a random item on gift list in my given price bracket.

I don't mind people asking for money at all, but a fair amount of people have an issue with it. Personally I find that old fashioned and not accounting for how lives have changed, but be prepared to put noses out of joint if you do ask.

@Ostryga

Mumsnet says it is crass And shows our lack of class But money is our wish If you’d like to get a gift

This is what I’m going to write in my wedding invitations.

Ha! Nice one😂

think it's in poor taste. I've never understood why people expect presents at a wedding anyway.

Eh? It's normal and traditional to give presents at a wedding. That's why people expect presents. Same as Christmas, birthdays, chocolate eggs at Easter, flowers on mother's Day

There’s no need to ask for money, IMO 90% of guest will give money anyway. They know you don’t need toasters and towel sets (apart from maybe the odd great auntie). Save yourself the cringe and don’t ask.

I have received a few cash/honeymoon donation requests in around 10% of weddings I've been to (I've been to a lot). I do comply but spend about double if I buy an actual gift they'll keep, use and appreciate.

Really, or do you just buy something half price in a sale? And why do you think they will like the gift you choose more than the gift they choose themselves? That's a bit presumptuous.

Sorry for tangent but do people consider it bad taste to go to a wedding and not give anything?
In my culture it is

Why do people EXPECT a gift from people attending their wedding. It's so presumptuous!

I don’t think people do expect gifts. But many people like to give them to mark a lovely occasion for the people they love.

Most people I know would also like it to be something the couple actually want.

If I were you, OP, I would put it like this:

Myself and himself
Are not left on the shelf
So we kindly ask yourself
To give us some dosh.

We've got lots of glasses
And pillows and vases
And towels to wipe arses
Cos we're really posh.

Don't mean to be cheeky
But our ceilings are leaky
And not to be sneaky
But we want you to pay.

Come praise us for shagging
But our floorboards are sagging
And the pipes still need lagging
As Victoria would say.

but spend about double if I buy an actual gift they'll keep, use and appreciate

But how do you know that’s true?

Many wedding gifts end up in charity shops.

I think it’s fine to ask for money. Cant see why anyone would be bothered and at least it’s useful

Another one here who finds asking for gifts vulgar, and also pretty pointless

IME the vast majority give money for weddings these days whether requested or not. You might get a few who ask what you want so can be told diplomatically, and an even smaller group may give you hideous gifts which you'll just have to suck up/regift/charity shop

So if you'll almost certainly get what you're after anyway, why risk making waves?

Don't ask on the invitation. It's the height of rudeness.

@SnackSizeRaisin and @TheKeatingFive I assume they'll like it if I buy off the gift list (bit weird to put things there they don't want). Occasionally I've bought something off list if I know of something specific they want.

Hmmm...I can see what pp are saying about it being easier. On the other hand, my friend is getting married next year and they did the cheesy poem thing and asked for money for their honeymoon. They’ve been living together for years and have a few DC. I do feel miffed at being asked to pay for them to go on holiday. If you want a holiday, pay for it yourselves!

(Also zero gifts from our wedding ended up in the charity shop, our friends and family must have good taste! Sure there's other like us.)

This is a question that is not worth asking on MN. I am in my early 30s and have not bought a single wedding gift in my life - only ever given vouchers or cash to every single wedding attending and always at the request of bride and groom (either no boxed gifts or another note in the card).
Maybe it's cultural but buying a wedding gift is a concept we are just not familiar with so I am always shocked to see the number of people who are offended by it.

For our wedding, we requested guests do not give any gifts at all and meant it. Those who did (pretty much all despite our request) , all gave cash or vouchers but there was absolutely no expectation for anything

I wouldn't bat an eyelid at such a request and even if nothing was written in the invite, still would be giving a voucher or cash

Never been to a wedding with a gift list. Every couple I've been to the wedding of (as an adult, in roughly the last decade) have requested money. Including DH & I!

I'd be quite excited by the novelty of a gift list. But cash is the norm these days.

I don't like it

The more I think about it, the more I think that I will turn down the invites with grabby lists/poems in them. No resentment then and I am sure that the bride and groom don’t care if I attend or not.

Hmm. I think the normal thing is, receive invite, feel happy for friends getting married and pleased to be invited and share their day, take note of any gift request (sniggering at cringey poems if applicable), and go to wedding with a gift that you think they will like, be that money or item, according to budget and how much you feel like spending.

Your way sounds rather curmudgeonly and joyless! I am sure they do want you there or they wouldn't invite you. Don't take the cheesy poems so personally.

@SnackSizeRaisin

The more I think about it, the more I think that I will turn down the invites with grabby lists/poems in them. No resentment then and I am sure that the bride and groom don’t care if I attend or not.

Hmm. I think the normal thing is, receive invite, feel happy for friends getting married and pleased to be invited and share their day, take note of any gift request (sniggering at cringey poems if applicable), and go to wedding with a gift that you think they will like, be that money or item, according to budget and how much you feel like spending.

Your way sounds rather curmudgeonly and joyless! I am sure they do want you there or they wouldn't invite you. Don't take the cheesy poems so personally.

Hmm I think the normal thing is to not be grabby, think about not treating it like a pay as you go and treat your guests with politeness.

I didn’t ask for anything, I had a couple of people ask my parents what we wanted but that was it, everyone gave us money or vouchers.

i assume they'll like it if I buy off the gift list

Fine, but I don’t see any huge difference between buying them a pre selected gift and giving them money.