Would you be angry?

[craftydafty]

My DP went to the "corner shop" at 10.30pm... at 11.30 I text him to ask where he was and at 12am he phoned me and said he drove past his old friends house and is talking to him in the garden and he'll be home soon... well it's not 3.30am and he's still not back and he's not answering his phone,
I'm worried that something could of happened to him but I know really that he will just still be there, I'm furious he knows I can't sleep when I'm home alone (DS in bed)
When he's home he will say "I haven't seen him for years we were just catching up so you can't be mad you always tell me I should make more friends"
Am I right to be soooo annoyed right now? I'm so tired but I'm shaking inside because I hate not knowing everything is ok

This thread is crazy.

Why are posters ignoring the fact that OP knew where her dh was so he hadn't "effectively disappered" or "gone AWOL". Funny term that,my husband could never go AWOL because he doesn't need my permission to talk to his friends.

I understand she had to text him but haven't we all been in a situation where we meet someone and just have a quick chat and then the chat gets interesting and more time has passed and you haven't even noticed.

If my dh told me at midnight he was chatting to a friend, I would go to bed and not think about it again until the next morning. There is nothing in the OP to say that he was needed at home. DS was in bed. I would only be annoyed if the child was sick and DH had gone out for medicine and not returned.

@craftydafty just wanted to offer you some support. A lot of unnecessarily nasty and judgmental comments on here. I would be furious about this behaviour- it's disrespectful to me. And it would worry me too. And I'm the same as you and often don't sleep as well when my husband isn't in bed with me (even if he's downstairs watching tv). I'm a crap sleeper so I can't switch off when he's out of the house or not in bed. I don't think that's weird like some others have suggested and I also think that if he knows that you struggle with that then it's not "your problem" as others have suggested it's just being considerate for him to take it into account.

I'll back out. My situation isn't helping OP. Who really isn't BU for being pissed off with her OH.

Pissed off is totally reasonable. It's crying and shaking and staying awake half the night that's not, imo, unless there's a particular reason to worry.

The thing is if you think he's lying and he planned it or he's actually seeing a woman, or whatever, then you have bigger problems, don't you?

If my DH said he bumped into a friend and ended up chatting for hours, I'd believe him, because I've no reason not to. If your first thought is that he lied for some reason, then maybe you need to examine why. I'm guessing it could well be linked to whatever issue it is that has left you unable to sleep alone?

He went to the corner shop and just by chance saw his friend in the garden at 10.30pm? At the beg of March?
And then just stayed there in the garden?) until 4.30am.

All in the middle of a lockdown...

Im sorry but I would struggle to believe that. Lockdown or not.
Not with a friend ‘he hasn’t seen for years’ but just happens to live round the corner.

@madmara

This thread is crazy.

Why are posters ignoring the fact that OP knew where her dh was so he hadn't "effectively disappered" or "gone AWOL". Funny term that,my husband could never go AWOL because he doesn't need my permission to talk to his friends.

I understand she had to text him but haven't we all been in a situation where we meet someone and just have a quick chat and then the chat gets interesting and more time has passed and you haven't even noticed.

If my dh told me at midnight he was chatting to a friend, I would go to bed and not think about it again until the next morning. There is nothing in the OP to say that he was needed at home. DS was in bed. I would only be annoyed if the child was sick and DH had gone out for medicine and not returned.

No I haven’t been in a situation here told my partner I was going out to pick up bread/milk/an Essential item and then disappeared for several hours in the middle of the night.

I’ve also not done that with someone I haven’t seen ‘for years’.

And I would not accept that from my partner either. Even less so in a pandemic and lockdown (and I’m nowhere near the lockdown police either btw)

Some of these responses are weird. OP seemingly has a young child with her partner. I'd be mightily pissed off if he was only meant to be going to the corner shop but isn't back after over an hour and doesn't have the courtesy to say he's bumped into a friend.

I'd then be even more pissed that he decided to spontaneously stay at friends house until early hours in the morning and enjoys a lie in while I get up with DC? Why couldn't DH make arrangements to see his friend another day? It's very different when you have small children. And, besides that, it's just inconsiderate.

How do you live within walking of distance from a ‘friend’ who you never see or spend time with. Until suddenly it’s 10.30pm one random (Saturday, natch) night, and you’re round there boozing until 4.30 in the morning??!

Bizarre.

Not being able to sleep because your partner isn’t home is nuts. I get waking up in the early hours, realising they haven’t got home and then not being able to get back to sleep. But not being able to sleep - at all - is way too needy / dependent.

Also, when someone is out having a few, the leaps to ‘he’s come to harm / lying in a ditch / in hospital’ really is irrational.

99% - he’s still just comfortably ensconced in someone’s living room, having a few more, chatting and not checking his phone.

I would have been asleep so probably wouldn’t have noticed! Maybe I’m a bad wife? Dh would be the same.

I would be pissed off about the fact we are in lockdown though I think

If this a one time thing, I would let it go.

How do you live within walking of distance from a ‘friend’ who you never see or spend time with. Until suddenly it’s 10.30pm one random (Saturday, natch) night, and you’re round there boozing until 4.30 in the morning??!

I can totally see this. I know a few people around me who I’m not really in touch with but might see via other friends. At the moment, with so little interaction I could totally see a serendipitous meeting turning into a good natter over drinks. Except ‘he was just in the front garden drinking when I was passing‘ - at 10:30 pm in March, sounds pretty sus to me unless front gardens in that area are used for socialising normally (which is uncommon, but not unheard of). I’d certainly suspect a prearranged gathering that the DH lied about, which would really annoy me.

Except ‘he was just in the front garden drinking when I was passing‘ - at 10:30 pm in March, sounds pretty sus to me unless front gardens in that area are used for socialising normally (which is uncommon, but not unheard of).

I’m guessing the OP is in the Southern Hemisphere where there’s no lockdown, and although technically autumn, really late summer.

Given the OP posted at 3:30 am stating it was 3:30am it seems likely she is in the UK!

@23PissOffAvenueWF

How do you live within walking of distance from a ‘friend’ who you never see or spend time with. Until suddenly it’s 10.30pm one random (Saturday, natch) night, and you’re round there boozing until 4.30 in the morning??!

Bizarre.

Not being able to sleep because your partner isn’t home is nuts. I get waking up in the early hours, realising they haven’t got home and then not being able to get back to sleep. But not being able to sleep - at all - is way too needy / dependent.

Also, when someone is out having a few, the leaps to ‘he’s come to harm / lying in a ditch / in hospital’ really is irrational.

99% - he’s still just comfortably ensconced in someone’s living room, having a few more, chatting and not checking his phone.

Anxiety is a medical condition.

My ex would nip to Spar on the corner and come back hours later having 'bumped into someone' 'Going to Spar' has become a family euphemism for having an affair
He also went to long 'Green Party meetings' and to the 'swimming Baths' and even on a couple of occasions 'weekend training courses'