Page 6 | Would you be angry?

craftydafty · 2021-03-06T03:25:34+00:00

My DP went to the "corner shop" at 10.30pm... at 11.30 I text him to ask where he was and at 12am he phoned me and said he drove past his old friends house and is talking to him in the garden and he'll be home soon... well it's not 3.30am and he's still not back and he's not answering his phone, I'm worried that something could of happened to him but I know really that he will just still be there, I'm furious he knows I can't sleep when I'm home alone (DS in bed) When he's home he will say "I haven't seen him for years we were just catching up so you can't be mad you always tell me I should make more friends" Am I right to be soooo annoyed right now? I'm so tired but I'm shaking inside because I hate not knowing everything is ok

UrAWizHarry · 06/03/2021 14:20

Lovely how so many people have jumped to the conclusion that this was all a premeditated mass 90s rave with absolutely no evidence.

The guy told the op where he was and he, as an actual adult, has the right to actually make decisions.

We all know that if a man tried to be as controlling over his wife the same people would be all over him for being controlling and untrusting.

UrAWizHarry · 06/03/2021 14:21

@midsomermurderess

I think i'd be crying, crying and shaking.

Yeah, that's not absurd or anything.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2021 14:29

Hold on a moment!

It's controlling to wonder where a loved one has gone late at night, when they're not expected to be out? It's untoward to be worried when they say one thing and do another after midnight?

Some of you have curiously unemotional relationships if your OH can effectively disappear and you don't worry about them.

Mine works away, is pulling a night shift tonight. I'll try not to be slightly unsettled, but because I love him I won't fully relax until he has driven the 100+ miles home again tomorrow! That's kind of normal, isn't it?

Octane · 06/03/2021 14:49

It's controlling to wonder where a loved one has gone late at night, when they're not expected to be out? It's untoward to be worried when they say one thing and do another after midnight?

No, that's why it was fine to text asking where he was. And then he told her where he was. No need to be crying and shaking after that point is there.

mylovelydd · 06/03/2021 14:57

My best friend from school's husband 'went to the corner shop' and ended up at some football match in Brazil (obviously years ago!) all planned of course, he just failed to mention it to my friend who was breast feeding their newborn and taking care of their other children at that period.
She ended their marriage over that and quite rightly.
Hope you got some sleep OP.

mylovelydd · 06/03/2021 15:00

We all know that if a man tried to be as controlling over his wife the same people would be all over him for being controlling and untrusting

Yeah because a man would have nothing to say if his wife nipped out for a pint of milk then ended up at her mates house party drinking all night while he was stuck at home on his own with the children waiting all night wondering if she was even still alive

BlackCatShadow · 06/03/2021 15:01

Well, the OP asked if we would be angry. Some people would, some wouldn't. It's a personal thing. I wouldn't be bothered.

Folklore9074 · 06/03/2021 15:10

Fair enough to be annoyed when he didn't return after an hour but when you found out where he was, well that's that. You know where he is with, who he is with. He's having a bit of fun and catching up with mates. Yes, he should have been more upfront and it would be fair to say that to him. But the catastrophizing is all on you. And the 'not being able to sleep at home alone' thing is a bit childish to be honest. You are a grown women.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2021 15:11

I wasn't talking about the crying and shaking.

And that's still a truly low bar to have regarding mutual respect.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 06/03/2021 15:21

Mine works away, is pulling a night shift tonight. I'll try not to be slightly unsettled, but because I love him I won't fully relax until he has driven the 100+ miles home again tomorrow! That's kind of normal, isn't it?

Is it? How did you ever manage to move out of home when you reached adulthood? Weren’t you in a constant state of worry that your parents might be out without your knowledge?

Do you have children? What will you do when they grow up and move out? They’ll be going out to work every day; maybe staying out all night; maybe even going on holiday. Will you ever sleep again?

LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour · 06/03/2021 15:34

As a single woman, sometimes I wonder how I manage without a penis to help me sleep, to accompany me to the supermarket, to drive the car, to speak to the neighbours, etc.

KatherineJaneway · 06/03/2021 15:35

he said he did go to the shop but on his way back his old friend was in his garden and they got chatting, the old friend was having a drink and DP decided to go inside and drink with him and got carried away.

Load of bs in my opinion. This was already planned. What are the chances his mate just happened to be in the front garden the few seconds your DP passed by?

LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour · 06/03/2021 15:38

@mylovelydd

My best friend from school's husband 'went to the corner shop' and ended up at some football match in Brazil (obviously years ago!) all planned of course, he just failed to mention it to my friend who was breast feeding their newborn and taking care of their other children at that period. She ended their marriage over that and quite rightly. Hope you got some sleep OP.

That's almost impressive in its sheer brazenness and disregard for his family. How was he planning to explain his absence when he got back?!

Good for your friend for divorcing him.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2021 15:52

😁

I suppose the word worry itself has come to mean something more neurotic these days.

FYI no kids and was invited to leave parental home just before I was 17, as was DSis a couple of years later. We were a bit of an incumbrance apparently. But if it makes you feel better to imagine poor lil ol' dependent me, go ahead.

Hailtomyteeth · 06/03/2021 16:02

I think, OP, you've been sold a crock of shite, dear.
Would he go to such lengths for a night with a mate, chatting and drinking, or would there have to be sex on offer to make him leave the house late evening and not come back?
I hope you used the opportunity to start organising ducks into straight lines...

cabingirl · 06/03/2021 16:04

Some of the replies on here are weird. It's not normal to pop out to the corner shop at 10.30p, - with your partner expecting you back within the hour late so at night and then not even text until midnight where you are, and then not reappear until 4.30am in the morning without at least another text to say how long you'll be gone.

It's just common courtesy to let your partner know when you'll be back. That's in regular times let alone mid pandemic.

BlackCatShadow · 06/03/2021 17:28

I guess they were having fun hanging out, so he didn't know what time he'd be back. He texted to say where he was and what he was doing, so I'd just assume he'd be a while and go to bed. It's usual for people when they are drinking and having fun to lose track of time and I think everyone is under a lot of stress these days, so I'd be glad he got a chance to relax.

mylovelydd · 06/03/2021 17:30

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

He reappeared two weeks later...another one who claimed he'd bumped into some mates on their way to the airport who invited him to go. Lucky for him he just so happened to have his passport and credit cards on him
He didn't phone her for four days. She had obviously phoned the police and reported him as a missing person in that time. He said he just got swept up in the 'football fever'...What a monumental cunt that man was/is.

RootyT00t · 06/03/2021 17:33

@KatherineJaneway

he said he did go to the shop but on his way back his old friend was in his garden and they got chatting, the old friend was having a drink and DP decided to go inside and drink with him and got carried away.

Load of bs in my opinion. This was already planned. What are the chances his mate just happened to be in the front garden the few seconds your DP passed by?

The house DP has presumably passed many times....

BoomBoomsCousin · 06/03/2021 17:43

“Mine works away, is pulling a night shift tonight. I'll try not to be slightly unsettled, but because I love him I won't fully relax until he has driven the 100+ miles home again tomorrow! That's kind of normal, isn't it?”

It seems common, according to these boards (though I don’t think I know anyone IRL who is like this) but it’s irrational and pointless. What’s unreasonable about the OP in this case, though, is that she wants to make that irrational worry her DP’s concern when it’s entirely her own.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2021 17:59

Irrational? I keep forgetting that posters have no idea what DH actually does for a living. So yes, it probably does sound OTT.

I'll back out. My situation isn't helping OP. Who really isn't BU for being pissed off with her OH.

BoomBoomsCousin · 06/03/2021 18:05

If someone works a risky job, I can see why that might be a bit unsettling and not irrational. That’s not the OP’s situation at all, though. She knew where her DH was and that it wasn’t dangerous. He just wasn’t with her.

Silenceisgolden20 · 06/03/2021 18:09

Sure this mate isn't another woman??

Nanny0gg · 06/03/2021 18:09

@sst1234

Are you not furious that he went in the house? He's be sleeping in the car if he were my DP

Are you in a relationship, with that attitude, I doubt it?

For 42 years...

But to be fair, my DH wouldn't be stupid enough to lie to me about going to visit a virtual stranger's house in the middle of a pandemic. He wouldn't do it in the first place.

LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour · 06/03/2021 18:21

[quote mylovelydd]@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

He reappeared two weeks later...another one who claimed he'd bumped into some mates on their way to the airport who invited him to go. Lucky for him he just so happened to have his passport and credit cards on him
He didn't phone her for four days. She had obviously phoned the police and reported him as a missing person in that time. He said he just got swept up in the 'football fever'...What a monumental cunt that man was/is.[/quote]
Wow. I remember one Friday evening expecting to see a guy I was dating, having invited him to come round after work. At about 6pm I got a text saying, "Just headed out for a few drinks," followed by another one a few hours later, clearly indicating he was pissed, from which I imagine I was supposed to infer that he was no longer coming.

That was annoying and inconsiderate, but your friend's husband's behaviour was on another level entirely. There seem to be plenty of monumental cunts around.