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Original poster

Would you be angry?

166 replies

craftydafty · 06/03/2021 03:25

My DP went to the "corner shop" at 10.30pm... at 11.30 I text him to ask where he was and at 12am he phoned me and said he drove past his old friends house and is talking to him in the garden and he'll be home soon... well it's not 3.30am and he's still not back and he's not answering his phone,
I'm worried that something could of happened to him but I know really that he will just still be there, I'm furious he knows I can't sleep when I'm home alone (DS in bed)
When he's home he will say "I haven't seen him for years we were just catching up so you can't be mad you always tell me I should make more friends"
Am I right to be soooo annoyed right now? I'm so tired but I'm shaking inside because I hate not knowing everything is ok

OP posts:
ItsTheGinTalking · 06/03/2021 12:40

Yes I'd be angry. And I'd be making him get up now and I'd be going for a lie down.

RootyT00t · 06/03/2021 12:45

@pictish

He called her back at 12 and told her where he was.
Yes, but I don't think she would have expected him to still be there at 330. And given it took 90 minutes to let her know when he'd just gone to the corner shop, she had every right to be worried
RootyT00t · 06/03/2021 12:46

@UrAWizHarry

So a grown man went to the shop, stopped off to see a friend and told the OP where he was? Oh noes.

Christ, what a bunch of control freaks.

🙄
peak2021 · 06/03/2021 12:48

Yes I would be angry at someone taking three hours longer and talking outside at that time of the night. I would not be pleased if I had been the neighbour of the person too.

And caring about your DPs welfare is something called love.

SabrinaMorningstar · 06/03/2021 12:52

So on the pretext of going to the shops late at night, he actually went to a party during a pandemic? Hmm

StillCoughingandLaughing · 06/03/2021 12:55

@raincamepouringdown

Well, if you're in England, I hope you have the funds to pay a big fine as he's breaking the law.
Seriously? If it turns out this ‘drink with a mate’ was actually a massive illegal rave, then yes, he could end up with a fine. If, as is far more likely, it was a handful of blokes having a few cans, I don’t think the squad cars will have been racing around.
mybonnieliesovertheocean2 · 06/03/2021 12:59

hmm if i popped to the shops and didnt reappear my DH would be on the phone too as he would be worried at that time of the night. Also not something I would usually do hence the worry.

If I then told him I spotted a mate in the garden, decided to join them and get pissed and not tell him until he text me asking where I was I would expect him to be mightily pissed off. However at that point I would expect him to go to bed as he knew where I was.

Nanny0gg · 06/03/2021 13:02

Are you not furious that he went in the house?

He's be sleeping in the car if he were my DP

ArcheryAnnie · 06/03/2021 13:04

If he was at a party, I'd have deadbolted the door and not let him in for the next 14 days.

FuckingHateRats · 06/03/2021 13:05

I think you're unreasonable.

He told you where he was. It's not usual behaviour. He's not your sleep aid.

My husband sometimes pulls the line 'I can't sleep well without you' and I always remind him he can't expect me to curtail my social life to help him sleep.

It sounds like he's not told you in advance because you would oppose it.

midsomermurderess · 06/03/2021 13:22

I think i'd be crying, crying and shaking.

Shelovesamystery · 06/03/2021 13:23

I'd be far more pissed off that he pretended to go to the shop. My DH does stuff like this. "I'm just having a drink after work" (he works until 8 or 9pm) then doesn't come home until 3am. I've told him a million times that I don't care how late he stays out as long as he's straight with me in the first place and tells me it will be a late one. Its not as though I don't have late nights with my friends. (This is all not during lockdowns BTW).

As for not being able to sleep without him in the house.... You need to get over this. Your sleep is not his responsibility.

1forAll74 · 06/03/2021 13:25

I would only worry about a car accident etc, otherwise I would lock all doors, and go to bed. I wouldn't be giving him the third degree about anything, as people do all sorts of silly strange things at times.

Quartz2208 · 06/03/2021 13:29

He clearly knew there was something going on and decided to go and as you are posting with the correct times completely irresponsible due to COVID.

You do need to get over the not being able to sleep because in normal times it is reasonable - if there were not clear restrictions on this and he lied.

But he did lie (and lets be honest he knew when he left that is where he was going) and broke COVID rules and you are accused of being an unreasonable control freak.

I have to say to those who say they wouldnt be worried if someone said I am popping to the shop and then didnt say anything for 90 mins you wouldnt be worried I am surprised

StillCoughingandLaughing · 06/03/2021 13:30

@Nanny0gg

Are you not furious that he went in the house?

He's be sleeping in the car if he were my DP

Yes, because (to paraphrase Mean Girls) if you go into a house other than your own, you WILL get Covid. And die.
LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour · 06/03/2021 13:43

@midsomermurderess

I think i'd be crying, crying and shaking.
Crumbs, how do you cope with everyday life?

He shouldn't have gone inside, but I'm not sure how multiple posters have inferred that there was a house party.

Wobblywombat · 06/03/2021 13:47

Sounds like he spontaneously reconnected with an old friend, which I think is lovely.

I understand it was not ideal for you because it interfered with your sleep, but I would suggest, given he’s an adult and you knew where he was, to let it pass.
In your shoes, I would have had to fight back the anxiety too but DP and I used to be very independent before our children and before lockdown and that actually made us more functional human beings. I would definitely not feel happy to have to be reachable with my whereabouts accounted for all the time (except for emergencies to do with the kids of course) - so I try to remember that when my husband is doing his own thing without communicating that well about it

FreshFancyFrogglette · 06/03/2021 13:48

He should have let you know, but if its just a one off i would forgive it. Lockdown has been hard for everyone, from Monday schools and colleges wil be reopening, significantly reducing lockdown restrictions. I think I could forgive if hes mostly stuck to the rules all this time.

Surlyburd · 06/03/2021 13:49

I'd be upset. Its a lack of consideration thats the problem, not the fact he's out with a friend. He went to the corner shop and didnt bother to text or call to say he'd bumped into a friend. Not ok. Of course the cool girls will say you are being unreasonable...

Octane · 06/03/2021 13:52

I'd be a bit annoyed that he didn't let me know where he was until I texted him. After that, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. He said where he is, he's a grown man, if he wants to stay up all night with his mate, that's his choice. I really don't see any reason to be angry about that.

Actually one reason, which is if you have some sort of illness that makes you unable to sleep alone. So I guess in your specific case, OP, it's more inconsiderate of him. But everyone else replying saying they'd be livid – no idea why. Relax a little!

Octane · 06/03/2021 13:54

Of course, the control freaks will use words like "cool girls" to try to put down sane women who don't lose their minds over their partners having independent lives.

RootyT00t · 06/03/2021 14:05

@Octane

Of course, the control freaks will use words like "cool girls" to try to put down sane women who don't lose their minds over their partners having independent lives.
Not really.

I don't believe anyone would actually be OK with their partner 'nipoing to the shop' (blatantly lying about where he's going) and being AWOL tilcpast 3am.

Surlyburd · 06/03/2021 14:08

Its not about having independent lives though is it. It's about a basic level of consideration. Telling someone you are popping to the corner shopwith a plan to go to see a friend until 3am, is a shitty thing to do. Why lie?

sst1234 · 06/03/2021 14:17

@Nanny0gg

Are you not furious that he went in the house?

He's be sleeping in the car if he were my DP

Are you in a relationship, with that attitude, I doubt it?
sst1234 · 06/03/2021 14:19

@midsomermurderess

I think i'd be crying, crying and shaking.
Yes that’s a totally normal reaction for a lot of MNers, for instance when they break a nail.
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