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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you be angry?

166 replies

craftydafty · 06/03/2021 03:25

My DP went to the "corner shop" at 10.30pm... at 11.30 I text him to ask where he was and at 12am he phoned me and said he drove past his old friends house and is talking to him in the garden and he'll be home soon... well it's not 3.30am and he's still not back and he's not answering his phone,
I'm worried that something could of happened to him but I know really that he will just still be there, I'm furious he knows I can't sleep when I'm home alone (DS in bed)
When he's home he will say "I haven't seen him for years we were just catching up so you can't be mad you always tell me I should make more friends"
Am I right to be soooo annoyed right now? I'm so tired but I'm shaking inside because I hate not knowing everything is ok

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 06/03/2021 07:23

My DP went to the "corner shop" at 10.30pm... at 11.30 I text him to ask where he was and at 12am he phoned me and said he drove past his old friends house and is talking to him in the garden and he'll be home soon

I'd call bs and say this was a house party invite prearranged and the trip to the corner shop was the ruse to attend.

Bloatedandconfused · 06/03/2021 07:35

Definitely what @KatherineJaneway said. Who just rocks up at a friend they haven't seen in years house at half 10 at night out of the blue? And they just so happen to be having a bit of a party? Coincidence???.....nope

Shoxfordian · 06/03/2021 07:49

I would have just gone to bed tbh

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 06/03/2021 07:57

He's not a child. Be angry that he didn't call you to let you know that he was meeting with a friend (thats really fucking rude as you were expecting him back) but once you knew where he was you need to stop catastrophising, and learn how to sleep alone. Although did you say he drove past?

BronnauMawrion · 06/03/2021 08:01

Has he returned?
I'd be livid.

TillyTopper · 06/03/2021 08:03

Once I knew he was ok I'd be making good use of having the bed to myself and sleeping, not getting wound up over whether he's ok or not!

sowhatsnext · 06/03/2021 08:12

OP I think you sound like you have some anxiety / control issues. And your DP sounds like he had a pre planned outing he didn’t want to tell you about (which given your reaction I can sort of understand).

He’s not your sleep aid and he’s an adult. Depending on which country your in he may have breached CV rules but that’s not really clear and doesn’t seem to be what you’re annoyed about?

NormanStangerson · 06/03/2021 08:13

What time did he get back? If someone goes to a corner shop and isn’t home five hours later because he’s getting pissed, I think that’s a pretty good reason to be angry.

Chamonixshoopshoop · 06/03/2021 08:15

If it's a one-off I wouldn't be too annoyed, as long as I knew where he was and I wasn't worried he was in a ditch somewhere.

Also, are you not in a country with a lockdown?

niceupthedance · 06/03/2021 08:16

Yeah I'd be pissed off with this for the sneaking around aspect; why didn't he say I'm going out and see you tomorrow? Is it because you can't sleep without him in the house so he has to lie?

Uronmute · 06/03/2021 08:17

YANBU to worry about where he’s got to, but not being able to sleep without him there is just weird. I hope he’s turned up by now safe and sound.

Mangymoora · 06/03/2021 08:22

Is the tosser back?

BrutusMcDogface · 06/03/2021 08:22

Why can’t you sleep without him there?

I’d have been annoyed initially but would have just gone to bed. I certainly wouldn’t be as angry as you are.

ItsMarch · 06/03/2021 08:26

I can't sleep when I'm home alone (DS in bed) YABU about this. You can’t expect him to be responsible for your ability to sleep.

at 12am he phoned me and said he drove past his old friends house and is talking to him in the garden and he'll be home soon... well it's not 3.30am and he's still not back and he's not answering his phone YANBU to be pissed off about this but if it’s a one off, which seems to be from the comment around him not having many friends, then I’d let it go. If he does it all the time, that’s another matter.

candycane222 · 06/03/2021 08:28

I'd be extremely pissed off. Not letting you know, and like hell was he "chatting in the garden" in this weather you appear to be in the UK time zone, so it is a) very cold and b) illegal (and very risky) to socialise indoors.

Sunhoop · 06/03/2021 08:29

Unless you don't trust him and there's a backstory of shady behaviour then I think YANBU and really overreacting. My husband often goes out to do one thing and gets distracted by another or will call to his dad/brother/cousin to help them with something etc etc. could be gone hours, I don't really notice too much or care? You know where he is (was) I would have just gone to sleep and he'd be home when he's home. Why can't you sleep alone? That sounds odd for a grown woman and suggests a level of anxiety that's outside the realms of normal behaviour which makes sense when looking at your OTT reaction to this.

WalkingMeAway · 06/03/2021 08:49

I’m sorry I must be so cynical, but if my H ‘popped’ to the shop at 10.30pm (which in itself I find a bit weird) and I didn’t hear from him until 12am which some BS story that he ‘bumped’ in to an old friend who just happened to be in his garden at that time at night and still wasn’t home by 3.30am I would be livid!

How is that behaviour in anyway normal? I don’t know anyone who would legitimately do that, nor anyone that wouldn’t be baffled.

Completely unbelievable story, amongst my friends and family anyway.

butterpuffed · 06/03/2021 08:51

Odd that he was going to a shop at that time of night anyway and did the friend he's not seen for years just happen to be in his garden when he drove past ?! I'd dig a bit, OP.

nimbuscloud · 06/03/2021 08:51

Is he home?

pictish · 06/03/2021 09:05

It may not be the crux of the matter but I’m still going to say so....what do you mean ‘I’m furious he knows I can’t sleep when I’m in the house alone’?
Why can’t you...and really is it his responsibility?

You’re an adult? Sorry to pick up on this but it makes me wonder what else he’s not allowed to do.

Cam2020 · 06/03/2021 09:10

He was obviously going to the corner shop. Why would he lie to you?

I'd be annoyed too, but you not being able to sleep without him there is your problem. What normally happens when he goes out with friends?

DitchedBitch · 06/03/2021 09:14

What did he go to corner shop for? Did he bring it home? I suspect he pre planned going to the party.
I guess your not on the UK. Where are you?

Livelovebehappy · 06/03/2021 09:34

If it’s a one off I’d be okay about it. If it’s a regular thing, not so much.

pumpkinpie01 · 06/03/2021 09:43

If we were half way through watching something I would be slightly annoyed but otherwise would just text ' have nice night I'm off to bed ' the fact you can't sleep is not his problem. He's an adult not your child , chill a bit

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 06/03/2021 09:52

@mrsm43s

Well, he's a grown adult, and he phoned you to let you know where he is, so no I wouldn't be angry. You not being able to sleep when he's not home is entirely your own problem, and sounds exhaustingly needy.
Can't help but agree with this.
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