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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be angry?

166 replies

craftydafty · 06/03/2021 03:25

My DP went to the "corner shop" at 10.30pm... at 11.30 I text him to ask where he was and at 12am he phoned me and said he drove past his old friends house and is talking to him in the garden and he'll be home soon... well it's not 3.30am and he's still not back and he's not answering his phone,
I'm worried that something could of happened to him but I know really that he will just still be there, I'm furious he knows I can't sleep when I'm home alone (DS in bed)
When he's home he will say "I haven't seen him for years we were just catching up so you can't be mad you always tell me I should make more friends"
Am I right to be soooo annoyed right now? I'm so tired but I'm shaking inside because I hate not knowing everything is ok

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 06/03/2021 09:54

There are some harsh replies on here. If this behaviour is out of character then it is completely understandable that you are worried.

TBH I don't understand why some posters are minimising your worries. My DH just wouldn't do anything like this.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 06/03/2021 09:58

Odd that he was going to a shop at that time of night anyway

Really? Then why do shops bother with late opening? There are quite a few 24-hour shops around here - are they just opening up to have somewhere warm to sit between 6pm and 8am?

roarfeckingroarr · 06/03/2021 09:59

It's annoying that he lied but I wouldn't be bothered by what he's doing. Why can't you sleep alone - you're an adult?

Newkitchen123 · 06/03/2021 10:07

The whole thing sounds iffy to me

BoomBoomsCousin · 06/03/2021 10:13

@RampantIvy

There are some harsh replies on here. If this behaviour is out of character then it is completely understandable that you are worried.

TBH I don't understand why some posters are minimising your worries. My DH just wouldn't do anything like this.

Posters aren’t minizing OP’s worries. She put her worries into context herself: ”I'm worried that something could of happened to him but I know really that he will just still be there,”

This isn’t about a reasonable concern that something may have happened to him. It’s anxiety and it’s not reasonable to be angry at other people for it.

IEat · 06/03/2021 10:46

There was another poster a while back whose husband went to the shop and didn’t turn up up until many many many hours, didn’t contact her, no answering calls etc.

Would have be a good thing to call and say met with x , having a drink, don’t wait up . But we’re not responsible for how other people act. We project our ‘I would have said this or that, I would have behaved like this etc’ and that’s what causes issues.

sst1234 · 06/03/2021 11:09

Why does he feel the need to lie? Do you normally have an issue with if he can see friends late? Why can’t you sleep in the house by yourself. There is more to this story. It sounds like you are controlling his social life.

Azerothi · 06/03/2021 11:14

Your boyfriend told you where he is. How often do you expect your current boyfriend to text you on his night out?

Lolapusht · 06/03/2021 11:16

Bit dodgy...how far away does the old friend live that they haven’t seen each other for years?! If it’s near the corner shop then surely it’s vaguely close to your house? Hope he doesn’t crawl in with a stinking hangover and expect a free pass from adulting for the rest of the day 😕

candycane222 · 06/03/2021 11:18

Honestly OP, you probably shouldn't have posted in AIBU as people are being very unfair. You have a child together. He isn't just a flatmate. My dh would never ever do this, and I wouldn't do it to him. It is basic courtesy. Ignore all the posters who seem to think it's fine for a husband and father to carry on like someone single.

HurricaneBitch · 06/03/2021 11:22

No, I wouldn't be angry if he was observing the social distance rulings. I wouldn't lock a grown adult out of their own home because they'd made a decision to talk to a friend. Total overreaction.

AnnieLobeseder · 06/03/2021 11:26

I agree with the posters who are saying he's an adult who is allowed out if he fancies it. But it's very odd that he went to the shop and ended up out for hours with someone he hasn't seen in years. If this was a pre-arranged party and my DH lied about his plans I'd be livid.

On the other hand, my DH knows perfectly well I'd never have any issue with him going out so he wouldn't have reason to lie. Would you have been okay with his plans if he'd told you in advance?

On the other other hand, if my DH went to an illegal house party against lockdown rules our relationship would be over.

Cloudyrainsham · 06/03/2021 11:27

Honestly it wouldn’t bother me. It’s the sort of thing I would do! My husband wouldn’t give a monkeys unless I woke him up.

Suzi888 · 06/03/2021 11:29

He’s been gone for hours and won’t answer his phone Hmm YANBU I’d be annoyed.

RootyT00t · 06/03/2021 11:32

@Sapho47

I don't think I could be upset by this.

He bumped into a friend Likley had a drink and decided it better to sleep on the sofa than drive.

Just go to bed.

I can totally get the fear, I think most people can.

Also, it's more than likely this isn't allowed.

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2021 11:32

He should've been straight with you so you weren't worried about him.

But as others have said, your inability to sleep when he isn't home is not his problem.

I've read a lot of this sort of thing on here over the years and I often think it's used to control DPs or guilt them into not staying out too late.

RootyT00t · 06/03/2021 11:33

Ignore the cool wife brigade. He lied to you (I'm assuming if he 'went to the corner shop' he has been there before and drives past his old friends house many, many , many times) and is still there at 330.

Yes I would be pissed off, anyone saying theyd be fine with it is having a laugh.

Embracelife · 06/03/2021 11:36

You know where he is
What could happen to him in someone's garden?

pictish · 06/03/2021 11:38

I think so too. You can see this from two perspectives - he’s a feckless shit...or that he got back to her at 12 and told her where he was so it’s all good. As I can sleep in my own house alone, I’d be happy with the latter.

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2021 11:38

@RootyT00t

Ignore the cool wife brigade. He lied to you (I'm assuming if he 'went to the corner shop' he has been there before and drives past his old friends house many, many , many times) and is still there at 330.

Yes I would be pissed off, anyone saying theyd be fine with it is having a laugh.

Why do posts like this, belittling and disbelieving other women always appear on these threads? 🙄🙄

It's not beyond the realms of possibility that some people are ok with this sort of thing, without being part of a 'brigade' or 'having a laugh'.

I'd be fuming if this was my DH and he wasn't straight with me but that doesn't mean I can't understand that not all women are me.

FenceSplinters · 06/03/2021 11:40

Is he home?

Newfor2021 · 06/03/2021 11:42

Is he gone yet OP?

Tal45 · 06/03/2021 11:42

He pretended to go to the corner shop so he could go to a potentially illegal house party, lied about being home soon and then doesn't answer his phone and a PP says you have anxiety/control issues??
How old is he? Unless he's under 21 and you don't have children he's behaving like a complete dick. If he's under 21 then yeah that's how overgrown teenage boys behave.

LaceyBetty · 06/03/2021 11:44

I would certainly be very annoyed. It's just rude. But I really think that any grown-up who can't sleep when their alone in the bourse needs to address this issue. I get being worried something might have happened to him, but not the anxiety of being alone. That needs knocking on the head.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 06/03/2021 11:44

@RootyT00t

Ignore the cool wife brigade. He lied to you (I'm assuming if he 'went to the corner shop' he has been there before and drives past his old friends house many, many , many times) and is still there at 330.

Yes I would be pissed off, anyone saying theyd be fine with it is having a laugh.

Why do you assume you speak for all women?
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