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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be angry?

166 replies

craftydafty · 06/03/2021 03:25

My DP went to the "corner shop" at 10.30pm... at 11.30 I text him to ask where he was and at 12am he phoned me and said he drove past his old friends house and is talking to him in the garden and he'll be home soon... well it's not 3.30am and he's still not back and he's not answering his phone,
I'm worried that something could of happened to him but I know really that he will just still be there, I'm furious he knows I can't sleep when I'm home alone (DS in bed)
When he's home he will say "I haven't seen him for years we were just catching up so you can't be mad you always tell me I should make more friends"
Am I right to be soooo annoyed right now? I'm so tired but I'm shaking inside because I hate not knowing everything is ok

OP posts:
LaceyBetty · 06/03/2021 11:45

*they're alone in the house

Itsjustaride8w737 · 06/03/2021 11:49

My ex was like this the twat.

It's not normal is it. If DP pops out he tell me where he's going, it's just common courtesy.

fuckenay · 06/03/2021 11:51

Men can be so inconsiderate sometimes.

Can they? My dh has never pulled this shit.

It's not normal when you have children to just disappear.

*He can go out as he fancies.
*
No he can't. He has a child.

raincamepouringdown · 06/03/2021 11:53

Well, if you're in England, I hope you have the funds to pay a big fine as he's breaking the law.

BillMasen · 06/03/2021 11:55

@katy1213

Perhaps you should have him electronically tagged.
I hope this is an (unfunny) joke
SpnBaby1967 · 06/03/2021 11:57

If DH had popped out to the shop & was still gone an hour later id be worried. But we have history, he's a police officer & has been known to pop somewhere & having to arrest someone whilst off duty.

For me, the fact he's hanging with a mate wouldn't bother me. But I'd be very upset that he couldn't shoot a simple text saying "ran into xxx going to hang out with him for a bit. Don't wait up". YANBU for feeling upset about his lack of thought but YABU not being able to sleep without him. You need to sort that shit out as there will be all sorts of reasons in future that your boyfriend may not be home at night.

lljkk · 06/03/2021 11:58

I don't think I'd be angry.
I don't think I'd be worried, but intrigued probably. Wondering if I had the full facts...

Maybe a little peeved at 30 minute delay to say where he was (11:30 to midnight).
I don't care about individuals doing small rule-breaking of lockdown, so can't be mad about that.

BillMasen · 06/03/2021 12:01

@Tal45

He pretended to go to the corner shop so he could go to a potentially illegal house party, lied about being home soon and then doesn't answer his phone and a PP says you have anxiety/control issues?? How old is he? Unless he's under 21 and you don't have children he's behaving like a complete dick. If he's under 21 then yeah that's how overgrown teenage boys behave.
Just making shit up so you can have a go? Nowhere do you know anything about lying, or a made up party.

He could have kept you better informed yes, but it’s entirely plausible to bump into someone and spend time (a fair bit of time) chatting.

Bluntness100 · 06/03/2021 12:02

I’d be irritated he didn’t pay me the courtesy of saying he was staying out, so I didn’t worry, but that’s all.

StanfordPines · 06/03/2021 12:03

If he had to go to the shop at 10.30 I’m assuming it was to get something you needed there and then that couldn’t wait until morning. So what has happened to whatever you sent him to the shop for?
Who decided that something was needed at that hour? If he decided it then I’m willing to bet it was planned.

I’d be annoyed that he had lied to meet a friend. I’d be annoyed that right now he was meeting someone potentially illegally (assuming you are in a lockdown country). I’d be annoyed that whatever it was that was needed so bad hadn’t made it home.

I wouldn’t be panicking about his welfare unless his friends were dodgy.

FenceSplinters · 06/03/2021 12:05

I’d be angry.

dapsnotplimsolls · 06/03/2021 12:06

Is he back yet?!

Bluntness100 · 06/03/2021 12:06

If he had to go to the shop at 10.30 I’m assuming it was to get something you needed there and then that couldn’t wait until morning

Why assume he went for the op. And why assume he lied, it’s a perfectly plausible story.

Is the fact he didn’t communicate properly not bad enough for you.

VettiyaIruken · 06/03/2021 12:09

(assuming music = party / get together and that's where he's been)

He just happened to need to go to the shop at a certain time and it just happened that his route took him by a friend he's not seen for years house and this friend just happened to be outside his house and friend just happened to be having a party/get together.

Yeah.
Ok.

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 06/03/2021 12:11

Urgh this would annoy me. Assuming he has turned up safely that is? Xx

VettiyaIruken · 06/03/2021 12:12

Would I be angry - if he'd lied and knew he was going to this friends house, absolutely. If he was breaking lockdown rules, yup. That he didn't just tell me he was with his friend and not to wait up, oh yes.

RootyT00t · 06/03/2021 12:14

@Bluntness100

If he had to go to the shop at 10.30 I’m assuming it was to get something you needed there and then that couldn’t wait until morning

Why assume he went for the op. And why assume he lied, it’s a perfectly plausible story.

Is the fact he didn’t communicate properly not bad enough for you.

I don't think it is. I'm assuming their corner shop is somewhere they pass many times , so the 'drove past and old friends' and caught up for what, five hours? Aye.
Original poster
craftydafty · 06/03/2021 12:16

Wow I didn't expect to come back to so many replies, yes I have anxiety but I am far from controlling unless worrying that your partner might have been hurt or be in trouble is classed as controlling?
I was extremely tired and yes of course it's my own fault that I can't sleep when I'm on my own but I was just ranting,
He turned up at 4.30am, he said he did go to the shop but on his way back his old friend was in his garden and they got chatting, the old friend was having a drink and DP decided to go inside and drink with him and got carried away.
Your all right I did speak to him once and he said he'd be home soon, but hours later when he still wasn't home I couldn't help but worry something had happened!
My bad 🤷🏼‍♀️ I'm still not sure whether I have a right to still be a bit annoyed or not, he's still asleep right now I didn't get to sleep until 6am because my brain wouldn't switch off but I was up at 9am with DS so I'm too tired to be bothered 😂 thanks everyone x

OP posts:
dapsnotplimsolls · 06/03/2021 12:18

Has it occurred to him that he might have brought Covid into your house?

Original poster
craftydafty · 06/03/2021 12:18

I will add that he walked home and has left his car at the old friends house so he wasn't lying about where he was,
The area we live in is small and he does see the old friend and says hello but they haven't properly spoken for years I don't know why 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
NeverMetANiceOne · 06/03/2021 12:21

Do you think he's telling the truth OP?

sonjadog · 06/03/2021 12:29

I think he could have communicated better but otherwise this wouldn't bother me. He met a friend and decided to spend some time with them. These days I think we all need new impulses and it is very tempting to take the opportunities when they present themselves. I think the not being able to sleep without him is something that you need to address. Long term it could get suffocating if he can never go out late at night because of it.

AnneFuckingKirrin · 06/03/2021 12:30

Of course you have a right to be angry.
I have been described as a cool wife on here before and I would be pissed off if my DP just disappeared on a trip to the shop.
It’s really inconsiderate.
If he popped into a friend whilst nipping to the shop wht wouldn’t he just text or call and explain that he would be longer than expected. Especially during a pandemic and lockdown.
I know we don’t know if the op is in England or the UK so things may be different where she is but even so he is being unreasonable.

pictish · 06/03/2021 12:31

He called her back at 12 and told her where he was.

UrAWizHarry · 06/03/2021 12:34

So a grown man went to the shop, stopped off to see a friend and told the OP where he was? Oh noes.

Christ, what a bunch of control freaks.

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