What are your underwhelming skills that you’re privately quite proud of

[Breakfastburrito]

Mine are:

Being exceptionally good at slicing bread (straight, even slices every time, even on squishy, unevenly shaped loaves)

Uncannily accurate at guessing the time when I haven’t looked at a clock for hours - I’m never more than a few minutes out.

Tell me the things you can do that are not that impressive!

My fella can pick stuff up with his toes. He can curl them all the way under his foot.

@Ddot

My fella can pick stuff up with his toes. He can curl them all the way under his foot.

What kind of stuff? I'd presume everyone can pick up pencils, paper etc, but an orange would impress me.

Before mobile phones we didn't even have a house phone. I was so close to one of my brothers growing up that when we both moved out and he moved away i would get a sense that he was coming and go to my mum's to see him and he always did come with a pile of washing for .my mum and she always had a sense that that would come with him too!

I'm very good at finding my way around places even if I've never been. Always seem to end up going the right way.
I can also recognise places I've been to once or twice before, and can generally find my way there without a map after 4 trips ...

I wish I could smell when dinner is ready. I am sunk without a timer, its only when dinner smells burnt that I remember something is in the oven.

Nothing at all to do with Facebook or Mumsnet faffing and distraction

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing ooohhh I can never guess plot twists. I always get it wrong! Or I drum it up in my head to be something really sinister that happens when it's often very simple

I can smell stuff. Burning, gas, if DH has had a passenger in the car. If someone has farted and also identify who. If someone has cuddled the dc. If the dc are about to be ill.

Like a wolf or something.

I can make a chicken out of a tea towel.

I can detect smells about 5mins before anyone else does, bloodhound nose.

I can feel if the car im in is rear wheel drive or front wheel drive.

Underwhelmed or what ha ha 😂

Candy crush - level 6274 currently

Parallel parking

Reversing trailers

That’s pretty much my whole skill set.

Folding fitted sheets.
Whizzing through transport systems. (Airports, stations, etc. A doddle. Sadly the rest of my family is not so that’s annoying).

Utterly pathetic, but being able to blow and tie up balloons, i.e. create a balloon BY MYSELF.

Everyone else in my house, for some reason, can only either puff or tie the end.

Also quite a good blitz chess game.

The smelling dinner one reminded me of something I can do. I can smell when it's going to rain, usually a few hours before. DH has finally learned to believe me as he used to say that rain wasn't forecast but my nose would always be right.

So many skills listed here are not underwhelmingly impressive at all but actually impressive!!

I had to think quite hard...i can do the time guesstimate thing too and I guess my other one is being able to whistle complex classical music. At least my kids and their friends pointed this out, I didn't actually notice I did it haha

I really wish I was better with names and faces. Today on the way home from the school run a mum approached me and started asking about how my child is, knowing both my name and DD's name. I had no clue

1. What her name is
2. What her child's name is
3. Which child even belongs to her

This happens to me all the time and I feel so rude. I really try but my brain is shit.

I can pass wind like a wind blower

Sorry that joke went wrong should have been leaf blower

I read fast and take in information very easily, so I become quite 'expert' about things in a really short period of time.

I have a huge memory for conversations and events. I can remember who said what, when, who was standing where, etc. Tonight I recalled an event from almost 18 years ago in absolute detail.

I can remember dates of births/addresses, etc. I can tell if something is straight by glancing at it. I can estimate distances accurately by eye.

One of my DDs has ASD, another waiting for assessment. Wouldn't be at all surprised if I have it.

On the other hand:

Severe face blindness. I can meet someone in one context and have no idea it's the same person in another context. Never recognise actors from one film to the next. Can enjoy many songs yet only years later realise they are by the same person.

Awful sense of direction. I had to learn routes discretely, even if they connect. E.g. I learned the route to Chichester, then had to learn the route to Brighton by saying 'Go to Chichester, but then keep going another 30 miles, instead of turning left at the roundabout...'

Terrible body awareness - poor DH has been given a left hook more than once when I've tried to enthusiastically hug him.

I have a talent for always always always choosing the wrong queue at the supermarket. And the wrong lane in traffic.

It's what keeps me from gambling I guess.

I’m really good at making nonsense verse and songs much to my youngest DD’s delight and my oldest dd’s horror as I can’t sing and do anyway (complete with jazz hands and terrible soft shoe dances)

I sing along with songs I've never heard before.

I can get up to pee, guess the time to within ten minutes, and go right back to where I left off in the dream.

I can add things up in my head faster than my assistant can do them on a spreadsheet or calculator. Years of bar work will do that for you.

I know when things are about to happen. Not all things but like knowing what someone will wager or answer on a quiz show or the like, or what the winning number will be on a raffle. Never to my advantage though.

I can, without fail, take the lead when walking anywhere, and have all the people follow me. I always choose the wrong direction but do so with such authority that nobody questions or hesitates to come along.

Massive pain threshold.

I also cut bread straight every time.

I make a wicked cup of tea apparently despite hating the stuff myself so maybe my family are just being kind.

Something called something like "white stuff" from Lakeland (now shut, of course) got a stain off a patterned (Persian?) carpet. It is a sort of cream.

@Diverami

Something called something like "white stuff" from Lakeland (now shut, of course) got a stain off a patterned (Persian?) carpet. It is a sort of cream.

Pink stuff? You can get it from home bargains, I believe, and it is a miracle in a tub.

I can untie the worst of knots, even when they’ve been chewed!