To not want to lend baby clothes?

[nervousnelly8]

I have 2 children - DS(2) and DD(3m). Close friend has just had her first baby boy who's 2 weeks old. Friend is very into reusing and buying second hand - has got most stuff for baby from marketplace etc. I bought most of my stuff new (never outrageously expensive but always nice stuff which wears and washed well), with the view to being able to use it for all future children.

Friend has asked to "borrow" DS's baby clothes for her son. She has said it would be wasteful not to be using them since I wouldn't dress DD in them anyway, and she would give them back for any future children.

I said no because:

1. I am using them for DD - I don't subscribe to the view that boys need to be dressed in blue and girls in pink. Most of the stuff is unisex and even the "boy" stuff, I have no issue with DD wearing.

1. I don't feel great about lending baby stuff. If we were done having children, I'd probably pass some stuff on, but we're not sure yet. Particularly with clothes, I think it's hard to ask for stuff back again. My sister is getting married next year and hoping to have children soonish - even if I don't have more, I'd like to give the clothes I have to her.

Friend has now started making passive aggressive comments in our friendship group WhatsApp chat. E.g. "need to go shopping for DS this weekend since nelly is too precious to lend her stuff" always with a winking or tongue out Emoji. I know this is a pathetic problem compared to much of whats happening at the moment, but it's making me feel quite blue!

YABU - you should lend what you don't need since she said she will return it

YANBU - it's your stuff and you can keep hold for future children/sister's children without feeling bad

YANBU

She sounds really nasty.

Are you sure you want to be friends with her?

I’m a massive second hand fan myself but lending clothes doesn’t work, it has to be giving, and if you’ve said no, that’s final. Doesn’t matter what the reasons are - it’s your stuff!! I have a close friend I will ask for baby clothes as I know she’s done having children, but if she says no that’s her prerogative. I wouldn’t question or resent it.

She’s being a dick. Just keep saying ‘as you know I’m still using it all for DD so don’t have anything to lend’ over and over til she gets bored. She’s a cheeky cowbag.

"We're still using most of them, and I'd rather keep them all together ready to pass on to somebody as a complete bundle once we're finished with them. I'm sure there's somebody with a complete bundle they've finished with if you check the local secondhand groups."

Wow, I love lending and sharing kids clothes but that is NOT the way to do it. Things are always yours to decide what to do with them. And if her child is 2weeks and yours 3 months you will still be using/needing a lot of stuff at the same time anyway. And if she really wants to only have secondhand there are other ways of getting stuff.

I'd start replying with emojis of my own. Eye-roll emojis, unimpressed emojis. Or if you're feeling more direct, tell her in a private message that it's bothering you. If she's a real friend, she'll stop. If she doesn't stop, she's not a real friend.

She sounds like a right annoying cow. Especially keep dragging on in a group msg.

I would reply 'actually I'm not done with the clothes as MY children still need them, I did actually buy them for my children not for other people's. Think it's time you stopped begging and go and buy something for your own baby which you need to provide for. Not rely on handouts' or

When I'm done with the clothes I'd much rather give them to a charity for people who really can't afford clothes for their children rather than someone who is being a tight arse - winky face

She asked. You said no. The messages from her are appalling. That's just unacceptable behaviour in so many ways. Not much of a friend, is she?

If she has posted this sort of comment don't lend her anything, ever! Spiteful comment. I think, because of the emoji it is passive/aggressive but not sure.

Defriend. She not a friend. Tbh on the WhatsApp group say clothes i bought are being used by dd and maybe my next....

That is so rude. You don't need a "friend" like that.

Just say you've sold them. No issue.

If she was so into waste she could get lovely stuff off eBay. She just wants your free stuff.

reducing waste that should say

I’m obviously a pushover because I’d give her a few of my least favourite things and tell her not to bother giving them back.

The combination of the words "friendship group" and "whatsapp" makes me curl up inside.

OP, they are your baby clothes, and it's nobody else's business what you do with them.

I would, however (once real life resumes), find some friends who aren't in a whatsapp group and who don't communicate via emojis.

@VinylDetective

I’m obviously a pushover because I’d give her a few of my least favourite things and tell her not to bother giving them back.

Why would you give a hateful person your baby's clothes if you need and like them, which OP has stated? That's just really weird. You'd have no clothes left once every grabby fool got wind of you.

OP, she's not a friend, she's a rude CF. Ditch.

I think you are completely reasonable, you are using the clothes and might want to use them again. Dd has been lucky enough to be sent stuff for dgs (they aren't wanting them returned), she passes them and stuff she has bought/been bought on to a friend whose baby is younger. But some stuff she keeps back in case she ever has another because she sees it as once they have been passed on they are no longer hers. Your friend is rude and I'd not be lending her so much as a pair of socks.

I’d not be passing on any baby stuff unless I’d finished with it and didn’t want it back.

You can’t count on people returning it in decent condition.

@BlusteryLake

I would respond to the WhatsApp post with "Not sure if we're done with them yet" Winky face.... She sounds awful though.

I 2nd , 3rd and 4th this cheeky but hinting ... let her then draw her own conclusions

I loathe these freeloaders

you're not being unreasonable 🌺

don't even engage with her ☺️

People on your friendship group will be thinking what a bellend she is. Don’t worry op!

This would massively annoy me. I would have to respond.

"I didn't mind you asking but explained why I am not lending them - they are still being used. I feel annoyed I've been forced to explain again and I really don't appreciate the passive aggressive remarks about it."