To not want to lend baby clothes?

[nervousnelly8]

I have 2 children - DS(2) and DD(3m). Close friend has just had her first baby boy who's 2 weeks old. Friend is very into reusing and buying second hand - has got most stuff for baby from marketplace etc. I bought most of my stuff new (never outrageously expensive but always nice stuff which wears and washed well), with the view to being able to use it for all future children.

Friend has asked to "borrow" DS's baby clothes for her son. She has said it would be wasteful not to be using them since I wouldn't dress DD in them anyway, and she would give them back for any future children.

I said no because:

1. I am using them for DD - I don't subscribe to the view that boys need to be dressed in blue and girls in pink. Most of the stuff is unisex and even the "boy" stuff, I have no issue with DD wearing.

1. I don't feel great about lending baby stuff. If we were done having children, I'd probably pass some stuff on, but we're not sure yet. Particularly with clothes, I think it's hard to ask for stuff back again. My sister is getting married next year and hoping to have children soonish - even if I don't have more, I'd like to give the clothes I have to her.

Friend has now started making passive aggressive comments in our friendship group WhatsApp chat. E.g. "need to go shopping for DS this weekend since nelly is too precious to lend her stuff" always with a winking or tongue out Emoji. I know this is a pathetic problem compared to much of whats happening at the moment, but it's making me feel quite blue!

YABU - you should lend what you don't need since she said she will return it

YANBU - it's your stuff and you can keep hold for future children/sister's children without feeling bad

@MolyHolyGuacamole

'I'm using the clothes for DD'. Done.

yeh, this. the end. Must you make it such a drama?

I'd put "thanks but I'm not sexist, DD is getting them."
I'm saving my DS's clothes for baby number 2 so this irks me. Why should you have to stump up for more new stuff just because she won't?

I'd send a message to the group. I'm keeping my baby stuff as we're not done yet. Hope somebody else can help. Rather than get lost you c.f.. which is what she deserves.

@endlesswicker

Easy answer on those social media posts is "Nelly has another baby now so the clothes are no longer available to lend to anyone at the moment" (smiley face, wink, googly eyes with tongue hanging out emoji), but as soon as they are outgrown and not needed any more I will be giving them away xx.

😊😉🤪? WHY?! I’m cringing so hard, particularly at the last one, what does that even mean...

What a knob.

YANBU

And if she posts something like that again call her out, respond you are using them for your child, you don’t like her tone and please stop

Your friend is being ridiculous - you still need the clothes for your dd and, even if you don't, you are not obliged to lend her baby clothes. I would be inclined to give her a flaming on the WhatsApp - but that is my personality and often backfires so also worth considering the dignified silence option .

I try not to do lending whether it's money or possessions. If I have something to give, I give, if not too bad. Too many friendships get ruined through lending, with one or other party felt taken advantage of or beholden to.

@BlusteryLake

I would respond to the WhatsApp post with "Not sure if we're done with them yet" Winky face.... She sounds awful though.

Or just Mute (not block) her for a while. It's an option if you click on her contact details in WhatsApp. 🌹

I would not lend any baby stuff you wanted to use in the future.

I was pressured into lending my cousin my baby's carrycot for her baby. It was returned with bite marks from her dog. I was unable to use it for my next baby.

I've met very few 2-week olds in the UK (poverty aside) who don't have more outfits than they can possibly wear before they grow out of them.

Fair play to you not wanting to spend any money on your DS, but mine are being used. Maybe you can check on Freecycle?

Cheeky mare.

Nope, wouldn't "lend" or 'borrow' baby clothes, would only give as it's a PITA to keep track of them. I lost a couple of nice things I'd bought after trips out by throwing away the wrong bag after a poonami, some other things just didn't come clean and some stuff just disappears into the ether along with random socks, Tupperware lids/boxes and all the hair clips and hair bands...

I did lend some tiny baby stuff to friends after they had a 34 week preemie, but no strings attached - I passed the stuff on newly washed and sorted by size to help them out until they got sorted and time to get to a supermarket. I think it all came back but I didn't check...

I've never known anyone to demand used baby clothes. Plenty of cheap baby ware that she can buy instead of begging for clothes from you

She sounds like a bully. YANBU!

"Well I'm sorry for not giving you the clothes my baby is currently wearing 😂"

She's being a greedy, tight brat.

Just message that you've tried every word of persuasion but DD is completely unreasonable on the subject of giving away her clothes... she insists on being dressed even now that spring is almost here.

You could always offer her that sickly pink and lime green striped nylon cardigan that your great aunt Win knitted. She’s a bit doddery these days bless her, and there are a few dropped stitches here and there and the buttons don’t match the buttonholes , but your dd unfortunately grew out of it before you could put her in so technically it’s brand new, and you think her ds would look so cute in it..........

@1forAll74

I wouldn't lend people any baby clothes, especially people who wrote things like she did. I would just give people decent used baby clothes,if I knew someone would like them.

This. She’s not a friend. She sounds like a user!

You’ve got a few options here Op

Ignore it

Reply nicely. Wish I could help but I’m using mine for DD I know how expensive it can be

Call her out. I know this is aimed at me & I don’t appreciate it. If theres a problem DM me please.

She’s not entitled to your baby clothes, as other PP said. You don’t get ALL of them back & people don’t look after them as they are deemed second hand

Friend has now started making passive aggressive comments in our friendship group WhatsApp chat. E.g. "need to go shopping for DS this weekend since nelly is too precious to lend her stuff" always with a winking or tongue out Emoji.

do these people even dare show their face in the real world?!

How embarrassing for her, I would be mortified for her if I was reading that.

OP, I salute anyone who doesn't get involved in ridiculous drama with idiots like that, and is able to offer a very reasonable and friendly, no.

Outrageous behaviour on her part, entitled little twat. Agree, write back 'unlike X friend I have no problem dressing DD up in her brother's clothes' wink face etc.etc.

What a grabby cunt

Christ definitely ignore.

Me and my sisters passed stuff around (around being the operative word, we were all having our kids at the same sort of time, and it was just known that there were bags of Xmonth/year clothes that whoever had the right size child had, used what they liked, chucked if it got ruined, added anything they wanted, and passed on to the next person when their child became the right size) it was very convenient, especially when they were babies, and that worked well as we all thought the same.

I'm still smarting that my MIL took some lovely clothes and equipment I'd bought, and gave them to my SIL (who I do like), and that was it, they never came back, I couldn't pass them onto my sister, I have no idea what happened to them, and I was a bit shocked TBH that I was never asked if I wanted them back to pass onto someone else - but that's different family expectations for you I guess.

I think Gobbeldegook has summarised it perfectly.