To not want to lend baby clothes?

[nervousnelly8]

I have 2 children - DS(2) and DD(3m). Close friend has just had her first baby boy who's 2 weeks old. Friend is very into reusing and buying second hand - has got most stuff for baby from marketplace etc. I bought most of my stuff new (never outrageously expensive but always nice stuff which wears and washed well), with the view to being able to use it for all future children.

Friend has asked to "borrow" DS's baby clothes for her son. She has said it would be wasteful not to be using them since I wouldn't dress DD in them anyway, and she would give them back for any future children.

I said no because:

1. I am using them for DD - I don't subscribe to the view that boys need to be dressed in blue and girls in pink. Most of the stuff is unisex and even the "boy" stuff, I have no issue with DD wearing.

1. I don't feel great about lending baby stuff. If we were done having children, I'd probably pass some stuff on, but we're not sure yet. Particularly with clothes, I think it's hard to ask for stuff back again. My sister is getting married next year and hoping to have children soonish - even if I don't have more, I'd like to give the clothes I have to her.

Friend has now started making passive aggressive comments in our friendship group WhatsApp chat. E.g. "need to go shopping for DS this weekend since nelly is too precious to lend her stuff" always with a winking or tongue out Emoji. I know this is a pathetic problem compared to much of whats happening at the moment, but it's making me feel quite blue!

YABU - you should lend what you don't need since she said she will return it

YANBU - it's your stuff and you can keep hold for future children/sister's children without feeling bad

You've got different views. I wouldn't care lending clothes to others, but would say I wanted them back as was planning more children. Equally I wouldn't be upset with someone who didn't want to lend them. Your friend is being unreasonable for not accepting "no".

@AnotherKrampus

I'd respond that friend is a bit of a passive-agressive cunt with a winking or tongue out Emoji

Yes!

YADNBU. I literally don't understand how people like this have friends. It wil not be cared for in the manner you would like and I'll bet some bits get conveniently 'lost'. She's acting up because you stood up to her

I wouldn't lend people any baby clothes, especially people who wrote things like she did. I would just give people decent used baby clothes,if I knew someone would like them.

Yanbu. I say that as someone who has lent and been lent clothes. You are still using them and whilst 3 months is a big size difference initially, soon it could be nothing. And if you're considering another child, you should keep them anyway as even if you're friend is very careful around things like washing correctly (not mixing colours if you don't mix them etc) and wearing bibs for eating and messy play etc, then there arent many clothes (other than tiny baby stuff) that will last 4 babies without looking really worn so you would in all likelihood be giving them to her and then buying more if you had another one.

But irrespective of that, even if you had done having kids and your baby had grown out of them, she has no right to them, and if you dont want to lend them then that's fine!

She is being shit making dogs dressed up as jokes on the whatsapp group. I'd either ignore or just reply in the same 'jokey' manner as her to say that you're still using them and don't want your baby to be naked just because she CBA to buy her own clothes.

She's a CF for asking in the first place in my opinion. People that have had babies and have clothes that they're able to give will naturally offer them to pregnant friends and family.

Just reply on WhatsApp something like 'can you drop it now please?' Or block her

This isn't even a question, no one has to lend anyone anything, I'd just ignore any comments let the group chat move on.

She’s rude and a cheapskate.
We were the first in our group to have a baby-20+ years ago so no handy fb groups etc. We bought everything new because there was no one to lend us anything. Damn right we didn’t lend it out between dd and ds even though there was 5 years between them. And I used a lot of dd’s clothes for ds-he just looked like himself in pink pjs 🤷🏼‍♀️

She sounds like an arse. It’s fair enough for her to ask you (not in a group chat).

Does she not understand that no means no 😂

Actually have you outright said no? Or have you just skirted round the issue?

How entitled of her!!!

I used lots of DD's clothes for DS especially for spares and pyjama's. How ridiculous that she wants to save money by getting reused clothes but pass agg's you for doing the exact same thing with your own stuff :')

Yanbu. Shes an entitled madam

Shes asked, you've said no, she needs to stop as that should really be the end of it. She just wants a freebie. It can get expensive so I can understand her motivation but she shouldn't try to make you lend her clothes you don't want to lend out. Tell her to look for pre owned bundles on places like Facebook marketplace for a bargain

No. All Ds clothes we want to keep are being kept. Any we weren’t fussed about I’m happy to give away and not get back at all. Lending is a disaster IMO.

"You're a messy sod who won't look after stuff":

Too much?

"I've nothing to lend".

Why does she feel entitled to your possessions?

Lending baby clothes would be a disaster - I would never want to borrow them.
They either need to be given permanently or not at all. Otherwise one party will be upset when they’re not returned/damaged/soiled etc.

"Sorry I'm still using them."

Yanbu because people never give baby stuff back ime.

Your friend is crazy.

I love secondhand and rarely buy new clothes for babies (do for my toddlers though as harder to find nice secondhand stuff for their age).

I would NEVER guilt trip someone into giving or lending me their clothes. There are lots of reasons why you might not want to. And similarly, you aren't expecting anyone else to give you anything.

She's showing her true colours. Don't bite, she's the one who looks grabby, not you.

It's impossible to keep track of who gives you what and you can 100% guarantee that somethings will get ruined. Even people who look after things can't stop inevitable poo explosions.
She is really rude going on about it. I agree with PP say your daughter us using them in the what's app group and seriously consider how much you need this friendship.

I'd either ignore or just reply in the same 'jokey' manner as her to say that you're still using them and don't want your baby to be naked just because she CBA to buy her own clothes.

Excellent reply

Tell her to stop begging with a shit emoji

"So far there isn't anything we're finished with"

I really hope you have a few bits fit for the bin that you can pass into her 😂

So you are using them anyway. Tell her to fuck off and buy her own stuff

Baby clothes are not really made to do the rounds a few times. You won't get a lot of them back and the bits you might get back will probably be obviously worn so you won't want to use them again. So there is no sense lending baby clothes. It's different passing them on when you never want to use them again, which is not the case. Don't feel bad. You've said no. She's being a stroppy bitch. Ignore.

Urgh how shitty

What do your other friends on the chat say?

I mean it reads as passive aggressive shit to anyone who can read. Has no one else commented?