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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to deal with a difficult wedding guest?

276 replies

AliceWonderland88 · 05/03/2021 10:30

Hi Mumnetters,

My Fiance and I are due to get married this year and there is a specific guest that I am worried about. I am not a hateful person in the slightest but I do choose not to have certain people in my life and my Fiance's brother's wife is one of them. She spits nothing but hateful remarks and has the ability to ruin everyone's day wherever she goes. I have only seen her a number of times and she has managed to bring me to tears every time. I honestly do not want her to come but if she doesn't come she will stop his whole family from coming. How do I cope with her on the day? I want to enjoy it but she is determined to spoil it already. What should I do? Any advice would be very much appreciated

OP posts:
Youllbeoldertoo · 06/03/2021 14:50

Actually I’ve read your updates- would it be such a loss not to have his family there? She is vile!?

If you HAVE to have her there pre warn all your family first.

diddl · 06/03/2021 14:59

@veeeeh

OP is not prepared to take advice.

She knows the set up is toxic, but is going ahead with the marriage, and possibly years of disrespect and begrudgery from both her husband and his family.

I wish you well OP but I'm out.

It's sad to think that the signs are there, have been pointed out but Op will go ahead anyway.

That must be how a lot end up in the situation-knowingly!

FireflyRainbow · 06/03/2021 15:25

Don't invite her op. It's your day. If others choose not to come it shows what they think of you and your husband.

CaptSkippy · 06/03/2021 15:31

@FireflyRainbow

Don't invite her op. It's your day. If others choose not to come it shows what they think of you and your husband.
I second this. It's your wedding and you can invite or not invite whomever you like. But I feel like your fiancé should have your back in this. Why is he letting his extended family members reduce you to tears?
Jeeperscreepers69 · 06/03/2021 17:45

@AliceWonderland88. Shes bonkers. Tell her if she puts meat in your food you will shit the contents of your meat filled bowels into a freezer bag and post it in her door 😜 then laugh like a unhinged person. Then say seriously only a really crazy jealous bint would pull a stunt like that anyway at a wedding ..

ViciousJackdaw · 06/03/2021 18:11

[quote Jeeperscreepers69]@AliceWonderland88. Shes bonkers. Tell her if she puts meat in your food you will shit the contents of your meat filled bowels into a freezer bag and post it in her door 😜 then laugh like a unhinged person. Then say seriously only a really crazy jealous bint would pull a stunt like that anyway at a wedding ..[/quote]
GrinGrinGrinGrin

godmum56 · 06/03/2021 18:19

I mean this to be helpful but is your husband to be not supporting you in this? The situation is not going to change when you are married you know...if he isn't on your side now, how will he be when this happens after you are married?....and the trusted friends don't need to stick to you, they need to keep an eye on her!

MisterMole · 06/03/2021 18:19

@Dizzy1234

Christ, after reading your latest update I would seriously have a rethink about marriage into that family. If she's talking to you like that and no one, especially your fiance, is defending you, I would be running for the hills. Your fiance should uninvite her and making it very clear why. Seriously, this will get worse not better, she will continue to abuse you and the family will blame you as its easier to blame the victim rather than tackle the bully. I'd be seriously doubting your fiancé's commitment and love for you if he's allowing this to happen 😱
This...
PlsSendWine · 06/03/2021 18:46

@AliceWonderland88 what does your DH to be have to say about the way she treats you? And his parents....do they think it’s ok?
Also, have you heard all these things from her first hand or is someone stirring?

josbd · 06/03/2021 18:59

Some people are simply determined to cause problems, and the last thing you want on your day is to have to worry about ANYTHING. The suggestion to put others in charge of this total git is the only solution. If she has caused you problems in the past, then she sure as hell will have done the same to the rest of the family. Stick her with the most bloody minded friends/family you have, and let them sort the hateful creature out.

You might provide a scold's bridle, leg irons and shackles, though!

Suipigz · 06/03/2021 19:01

Your future s-i-l sounds like one very unhappy person.
If you decide to invite her, use your shielders (bridesmaids/ groomsmen), give her a job- someone suggested hosts for each table? And finally, make sure someone always has her glass topped up. That should distract her from jealous, spite filled antics!
Have you asked why she has it in for you? Is it just you she’s jealous of or lots of people?
Try not to let her spoil your day & please make it clear to your dh that she will not be included on any future occasion if her behaviour continues x

Happyher · 06/03/2021 19:09

What the rest of his family like? If they’re mostly ok they probably think the same about her as you do. Do they roll their eyes once she starts or skulk away. Try and get an ally in DF’s family and you can have a laugh about her. She sounds like she’s jealous of you. Don’t let her drag you down - rise above it

Gohardorgohome · 06/03/2021 19:18

My ex BiL is the type to get pissed and make a dick of himself in front of everyone. My biggest uni friend was positioned next to him at the meal and poised to chuck him out the minute any silliness started. The vicar who came to the reception was the other side 🤣 Worked a treat. As others have said line someone up to close her down if she starts... and enjoy your day!

Whippyflipp · 06/03/2021 19:21

Don’t invite her

Callingallskeletons · 06/03/2021 19:27

@AliceWonderland88

I've called her out before but she turns the conversation against me and just screams in my face until I just walk away. I never let her see she affects me but she never stops. She's like this to everyone.

Nanbread - other than telling me she will put meat in my food she is telling other guests that I am a SLT, cheap and not paying for anything, that I don't like them and won't be inviting them, she says I am talking rubbish about my family and making me look like the bad person and that I am the one spreading rumours. She told me I rushed into marriage and that my fiance is an idiot for marrying me. She calls me a stupid blonde, has a go at me for simply not eating meat, not cooking and just being English lol. She said all English people are cts and sls and thinks I am too. She says she can't wait to see my cheap little wedding and that her wedding was better.She said she will have a word with my dad and tell him not to talk a sl*t like me down the isle. She wants to force meat down my throat until I choke..... etc....etc...None of this really bothers me but after spending ten minutes with her constant chipping - it gets to you - and it really is constant.

None of this really bothers you???

Jesus OP that woman should categorically NOT be invited to your wedding!
If your soon to be DH can stand by whilst his brothers wife treats you and speaks about you this way then that is seriously wrong!

Yes they may be his family but if they would rather stand by a bully (and frankly she sounds quite unhinged) then let them, none of them come

AliceMcK · 06/03/2021 19:28

@AliceWonderland88

I've called her out before but she turns the conversation against me and just screams in my face until I just walk away. I never let her see she affects me but she never stops. She's like this to everyone.

Nanbread - other than telling me she will put meat in my food she is telling other guests that I am a SLT, cheap and not paying for anything, that I don't like them and won't be inviting them, she says I am talking rubbish about my family and making me look like the bad person and that I am the one spreading rumours. She told me I rushed into marriage and that my fiance is an idiot for marrying me. She calls me a stupid blonde, has a go at me for simply not eating meat, not cooking and just being English lol. She said all English people are cts and sls and thinks I am too. She says she can't wait to see my cheap little wedding and that her wedding was better.She said she will have a word with my dad and tell him not to talk a sl*t like me down the isle. She wants to force meat down my throat until I choke..... etc....etc...None of this really bothers me but after spending ten minutes with her constant chipping - it gets to you - and it really is constant.

If this was me my solution would be right there, if she went to my dad and said all these things about me and threatened to ruin my wedding day my Dad would have seriously put her in her place, he wasnt a violent or angry man but when someone pushed him too far he could cut them down with words like no one could ever believe. She'd shit herself.

Have you spoken to your Dad, maybe set it up to introduce them and see if she dares slag a mans daughter off to his face like that.

Just because she says that your future DHs family wont ho if shes not invited dosnt mean they wont. I'd call her bluff and not invite her, if the others choose not to come then it shows they font care much for your DH.

Tehmina23 · 06/03/2021 19:33

What culture is it?? It doesn't sound like any I know of.
If it's a male oriented culture like so many, the in laws wouldn't allow themselves to be bossed around by a 'mere' woman (SIL) however nasty, anyway she isn't even a blood relative of the in laws. So that's bizarre for a start.

Personally I would ban this deeply unpleasant woman from my wedding and if the other in laws didn't attend then that's less to pay for. Do you really want her in group photos??

When you marry a man you also marry his family & his family sound strange!!

If a woman who was that nasty to me came to my wedding then the Police would be called because my Mum would probably smack her one haha!!

pomers · 06/03/2021 19:34

She sounds as though she is unhinged.

Edda09 · 06/03/2021 19:35

If she’s like this with you every time (and your DF said nothing??), what will happen when you have kids? Wi she go after them too? Or just put you down in front of them?

Fatarseflanagan09 · 06/03/2021 19:38

laxative AND sedative and she'll go to sleep and shit herself.

ColdCottage · 06/03/2021 19:49

Maybe book her in for a spa day or have her "win" a prize of a spa day which can only be redeemed on the date of your wedding? Might be a bit expensive to hand out a spa day for two but better than having her their.

numberoneson · 06/03/2021 19:59

@NotMyPremium

Why bother asking? You have posted numerous times regarding issues with your fiance and his family. He's a wet fucking blanket that won't stand up for you and you have been told repeatedly not to marry him.

You won't listen. Good luck being a servant to your in laws and have a happy life time of being treated like crap by them all.

AliceWonderland88 you must be able to see that the above post from NotMyPremium is absolutely spot on? You'll have to accept that YOU need some serious psychological counselling if you're still even considering marriage to your current fiance.
Pyewackect · 06/03/2021 20:01

Hire a bouncer and her removed if she kicks off.

Pyewackect · 06/03/2021 20:03

have her removed, sorry it's been a long day

ERFFER · 06/03/2021 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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