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Original poster

How to deal with a difficult wedding guest?

276 replies

AliceWonderland88 · 05/03/2021 10:30

Hi Mumnetters,

My Fiance and I are due to get married this year and there is a specific guest that I am worried about. I am not a hateful person in the slightest but I do choose not to have certain people in my life and my Fiance's brother's wife is one of them. She spits nothing but hateful remarks and has the ability to ruin everyone's day wherever she goes. I have only seen her a number of times and she has managed to bring me to tears every time. I honestly do not want her to come but if she doesn't come she will stop his whole family from coming. How do I cope with her on the day? I want to enjoy it but she is determined to spoil it already. What should I do? Any advice would be very much appreciated

OP posts:
TiersForFears1 · 05/03/2021 16:15

Why are you so desperate to marry into that family? Judging from a previous post, they don't respect you. You're heading for a life of constant drama, and it will get worse if you have children! Run for the hills!

Hoppinggreen · 05/03/2021 16:19

@Ileflottante

Ok, scrap what I just wrote. I’ve read your other threads now.

This man lets his family order you to clean their homes, cook for them, make drinks for them, and allows them to order you to wait on him hand and foot?

Not only that, he doesn’t wash?

What the hell culture is he from (you mention it a lot) where all of that bollocks is ok???

Your guest is the least of your problems.

Oh bloody hell, is this that poster? Come on OP, the whole family treat you like shit - if you marry him knowing what it will be like then on your own head be it
Shnuffles · 05/03/2021 16:22

Honestly, if it's not just this one person who's the problem (though by the sound of it, she's one hell of a problem!), but rather his whole family dynamic that's an issue, I'd think again before marrying him.

If you could be reasonably sure that you'd be living far from them and not having them involved in your daily life, it might be okay, but that would require your fiance to admit that there are serious problems with his family, which many are loath to do. I'd want to feel confident that he, too, wanted to keep contact low, and it seems he doesn't.

(Really curious what culture this is...)

12548ehe9fnfobms · 05/03/2021 16:22

Find someone better to marry. You have set the bar too low. Raise your standards.

HyacynthBucket · 05/03/2021 16:23

Having read more of the thread, I take back what I said earlier OP about getting married. So now saying DONT MARRY this sad apology for a man and whatever you do, escape his family. They sound disgusting. How did you ever get involved? Do you have very low self-esteem? If you don't now,you soon will if you marry this awful set of people.

BIWI · 05/03/2021 16:26

Just out of curiosity, what culture are we talking about @AliceWonderland88?

SeaShoreGalore · 05/03/2021 16:43

Oh christ - sounds like a massive backstory.

GreatTeaMonkey · 05/03/2021 17:09

OP you’ve written a number of threads about your DP and his family. Nothing has changed since two years ago, nothing is going to change now. You seem to be still waiting for your DP to stick up for you. It isn’t going to happen!

I wonder if he’ll change when you’re married or pregnant, and not in a good way.

islockdownoveryet · 05/03/2021 17:15

Just tell her she’s not fucking invited . If the family say there not coming they are condoning the bitches behaviour.
Honestly why is it people can behave however they want but it’s expected to be put up with . It’s your wedding if she can’t behave you don’t want her there . Be firm !!

diddl · 05/03/2021 17:29

@islockdownoveryet

Just tell her she’s not fucking invited . If the family say there not coming they are condoning the bitches behaviour. Honestly why is it people can behave however they want but it’s expected to be put up with . It’s your wedding if she can’t behave you don’t want her there . Be firm !!
She can beg´have like that because the family probably agree with her/feel more loyalty to her.

If the family don't go, Op will likely be blamed by her fiance.

CoraPirbright · 05/03/2021 17:41

Is he showering/brushing his teeth again now?

The ONLY way that you are going to have a chance at a happy marriage is if you actually go no contact with his family. He will not stand up to them and they are still living in the 19th century, it appears, with regards to your ‘wifely duties’ and that you will be expected to look after them in their dotage (fuck that).

Add in this viciously racist and deranged family member (so, we English are all cunts are we? Thanks for that Hmm) and its a recipe for sheer misery.

Nanny0gg · 05/03/2021 18:33

What the hell is loveable about this man?

Dear God - Women of Mumsnet - raise your standards!

PunishmentSnart · 05/03/2021 18:47

Haven’t you been posting about them for over a year?
Do you like the drama?
You are ignoring most peoples advice YOU ARE NOT COMPATIBLE.
You have 2 options:-

  1. Leave and find someone who values you and your culture
  2. Stay and accept that you will always be a second class citizen in your DH & his families eyes
BIWI · 05/03/2021 18:56

@PunishmentSnart the OP has been posting about her 'D'F since the end of 2019. Started off with complaining he'd stopped showering.

He sounds an absolute delight.

BebesChamber · 05/03/2021 18:59

Oh Christ OP I redact my previous reply and just want to say don't go ahead with the wedding.

Why are you still with him?

You must be blindsided by something. You can leave. Leave now before it's too late and you're legally married into this mess.

Merryoldgoat · 05/03/2021 19:00

FFS. I’ve read the previous threads.

It’s this kind of shit thinking that leads to sleepwalking into a hideous marriage and then you’ll hear the cries of ‘I had no idea he’d be like this’ 5 years in when you have 2 kids, given up work and are unbearably unhappy.

The complete refusal of women to see the truth of their relationship is the single biggest thing that will hold them back.

OP - marry him, put up with the abuse, don’t listen to the hundreds of posters giving you their time.

But don’t be surprised. The writing is on the wall abs you are refusing to see it.

averythinline · 05/03/2021 19:04

Why would you invite her?...not a chance would i speak to someone like that never mind invite them to my wedding..
Think your fiance needs to step up or you do and put your foot down..

Doesn't matter what the rest of his family think or do ...this is your life .. Honestly if someone had called me a slut I would never be near them again..

zzzooomwatcher · 05/03/2021 19:09

This family better be wealthy beyond imagination for you to be putting up with this shit

30PercentRecycled · 05/03/2021 19:11

You'd be better off marrying a randomer off the internet than him if you are this desperate to be married.

I only half jest. There are plenty of men who would like a nice compliant wife like you who won't be as vile as this one. Sign up to a marriage agency.

Cherrysoup · 05/03/2021 19:14

Marry someone else. HTH.

Hoppinggreen · 05/03/2021 19:17

@BIWI

Just out of curiosity, what culture are we talking about *@AliceWonderland88*?
From memory they are Eastern European but I could be wrong
Queenfreak · 05/03/2021 19:25

My mum is amazing, and I adore her. However when she has had a drink she does a 180 and turns into the nastiest person I've ever come across.
We briefed the hotel before the wedding and made sure to introduce her to the people looking after us.
Half way through the meal she was drunk as a Lord and volatile and spiteful.
One of the waitresses asked to have a word with her and she was ushered out of the wedding/hotel.
Someone else was sent in to get my dad.
Despite sitting next to her i managed to completely ignore the nastiness and was over the moon the hotel took over.
Would something like that work?

Anydreamwilldo12 · 05/03/2021 19:41

Your partner saying just ignore her is in no way good enough. You will have a lifetime of trouble from that evil woman.
I would be cancelling the whole wedding. Doesn't sound like your partner has your back. He is a coward and probably scared of her.

veeeeh · 06/03/2021 14:05

OP is not prepared to take advice.

She knows the set up is toxic, but is going ahead with the marriage, and possibly years of disrespect and begrudgery from both her husband and his family.

I wish you well OP but I'm out.

Youllbeoldertoo · 06/03/2021 14:46

Have her buy don’t engage with her at all on the day. If you don’t invite her you’re the bad guy but if you invite her and she makes a fools If herself she is the bad guy. Don’t engage at all, grey rock.