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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to deal with a difficult wedding guest?

276 replies

AliceWonderland88 · 05/03/2021 10:30

Hi Mumnetters,

My Fiance and I are due to get married this year and there is a specific guest that I am worried about. I am not a hateful person in the slightest but I do choose not to have certain people in my life and my Fiance's brother's wife is one of them. She spits nothing but hateful remarks and has the ability to ruin everyone's day wherever she goes. I have only seen her a number of times and she has managed to bring me to tears every time. I honestly do not want her to come but if she doesn't come she will stop his whole family from coming. How do I cope with her on the day? I want to enjoy it but she is determined to spoil it already. What should I do? Any advice would be very much appreciated

OP posts:
thosetalesofunexpected · 06/03/2021 20:13

@AliceWonderland88

This bitchy woman is obviously very insecure and Jealous as hell of you.!

Her insecurities are not your problem or issue.!

She plays on this and is obviously a drama queen

She obviously has severe personality disorder issue, maybe multiple ones.

Is it only this woman who has this effect on you op?
or have you experienced bullying in the past before for e.g at school or work?
As i would suggest to have therapy of some kind just to help give you more Cofindence to put up strong boundaries,
So you do not ,get emotionally trampled over etc.

CBT(cognitive behavorial therapy could be beneficial as it helps you to know/put in to effective ways in how to be more effective in dealing with difficult stuff issues,(emotionally).

Also counselling therapy will help you to explore in a safe envoriment why certain unwanted patterns emotionally seem to recur and therefore you gain insight(clarity to to help you to start to move forward and not be held in bondage in the past with emotionally baggage issues.

Sometimeswinning · 06/03/2021 20:16

Jeez. I have to be pushed into certain situations. But this?? Be your own worst enemy or you're pretty much doomed!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/03/2021 20:18

Another one here who checked out OP's previous threads

Given the horror they reveal it's hard to credit that the wedding's going ahead at all, but although she seems to have disappeared for now she'll doubtless be back once married, when the abuse really ramps up

Scoobydoobydo · 06/03/2021 20:21

Pop around to their house the night before your day and sneak some super strong laxatives into her tea
Result. You have a super day and she has a peaceful day in the loo

ElijahsMoon · 06/03/2021 20:27

when is she saying this stuff? surely you would just screenshot it to her DH and ask him to have a word? or record her saying it if its over the phone

Pantsomime · 06/03/2021 20:27

Can you not lay the law down in public when DF family there and say do not ruin my wedding day, everyone knows you don’t like me but DF loves me and that should make you want him to have a good day. Lay it on, that way it seems like you couldn’t care less and try to guilt them her into behaving for her DHs bro

StoneofDestiny · 06/03/2021 20:33

So, your fiancé's family is totally supporting his brother and wife and not you? Doesn't bode well.

MrsWhites · 06/03/2021 20:36

I was going to say you can’t not invite your fiancé’s sister in law but after reading your updates she’d be firmly uninvited!

But then again I wouldn’t marry a man who wouldn’t stand up to a member of his family who called me a slt and a cnt either!

tenlittlecygnets · 06/03/2021 20:38

What does your fiancé say when she's spouting all this shit? Does he back you up? If not, you have a huge issue that won't go away.

I wouldn't invite her either. At my wedding? Meant to be the happiest day of my life?? She doesn't deserve an invitation.

mellicauli · 06/03/2021 20:51

So she's a toxic lunatic and no one, not even the person who professes to love you more than any other in the world, will stand up for you?

I wouldn't let someone get away with that with a stranger in the street. Let alone the person I have chosen as my life partner!

You are about to voluntarily sign up to being a second class citizen for the rest of your life. Why would you do that?

Whythesadface · 06/03/2021 21:30

Talk to your parents, explain what is going on.
By doing this you can ensure your Dad tells her were to go.
You explain to the venue, that she is saying she will spike your meal, you want them to ensure your food is fresh and meat free.
You arrange for bodyguards , bridesmaids and female family on your side protect you, so you can avoid her at all cost.
You also never ever let her see you being nasty, but I'd be so tempted to record her and play it for his family.
What are his parents like?

Hoppinggreen · 06/03/2021 21:40

@Whythesadface

Talk to your parents, explain what is going on. By doing this you can ensure your Dad tells her were to go. You explain to the venue, that she is saying she will spike your meal, you want them to ensure your food is fresh and meat free. You arrange for bodyguards , bridesmaids and female family on your side protect you, so you can avoid her at all cost. You also never ever let her see you being nasty, but I'd be so tempted to record her and play it for his family. What are his parents like?
The whole family are awful according to OPs other posts And the fiancé is no great catch either
Mypathtriedtokillme · 06/03/2021 21:42

OP, have some self respect and don’t Marry this man.
Why the hell would you?

Nothing will change.
He is weak and doesn’t actually care for you. If he did, he wouldn’t let his family treat you like this.
Your compliant and convenient and that’s not a good relationship base.

Leave Him.

OhGodNotThisAgain · 06/03/2021 22:04

Don’t marry him. Have some self respect

Notusuallydown · 06/03/2021 22:07

As so many others have said, think hard about becoming one of this family. I think it has every chance of being disastrously unhappy. I think thy are likely to work to control and devalue you, until you yourself begin to believe you have no worth.

Next time you meet and she starts wait until she's finished just say, "You're embarrassing yourself." and walk away.

BIWI · 06/03/2021 22:11

Advanced Search is a very, very useful tool.

The OP is clearly not coming back because they haven't got what they want from this thread, which is for us all to say there isn't a problem and her fiancé and his family are just peachy.

Gabbianni · 06/03/2021 22:21

put some valium in her G&T?

Growltiger22 · 06/03/2021 22:40

Don’t let this evil witch ruin your day. From what you say of her, the family must know what a poisonous cow she is. After the wedding, you can bar her from all gatherings. On the day, Keep serpentine, don’t allow her to corner you -don’t even catch her eye and laugh if she tries to be nasty. That will annoy her more than anything. If all else fails, point out her upper lip and recommend a good moustache -removal treatment to her.

RandoPlan · 07/03/2021 00:54

I'd simply not invite her. I know that's difficult because you've said your fiances family won't come, but honestly I would just explain to them why and if they still choose to side with her then leave it to your husband to deal with them. It's YOUR wedding. I didn't invite my MIL for a similar reason because I wasn't dreading my own wedding for someone I didn't even want to be there. A few people didn't come out of protest and they weren't missed!

Twoforthree · 07/03/2021 00:59

You don't have a wedding guest problem. You have a dh problem for not sticking up for you.

RampantIvy · 07/03/2021 09:04

I agree with PP that the @AliceWonderland88 probably won't come back because she has had some home truths on here. I hope she is having a serious think about her future.

Hoppinggreen · 07/03/2021 09:33

@Growltiger22

Don’t let this evil witch ruin your day. From what you say of her, the family must know what a poisonous cow she is. After the wedding, you can bar her from all gatherings. On the day, Keep serpentine, don’t allow her to corner you -don’t even catch her eye and laugh if she tries to be nasty. That will annoy her more than anything. If all else fails, point out her upper lip and recommend a good moustache -removal treatment to her.
The evil witch could actually save her entire life if her behaviour makes OP wake up to the shit storm she is marrying into
RampantIvy · 07/03/2021 09:53

Not sure where the extra "the" came from Blush

BIWI · 07/03/2021 11:08

@RampantIvy

I agree with PP that the *@AliceWonderland88* probably won't come back because she has had some home truths on here. I hope she is having a serious think about her future.
Sadly not @RampantIvy. She's had similar advice on her other posts which she obviously ignores/continues to ignore.
expatinspain · 07/03/2021 11:32

After some of the posts on here I read some of your previous posts. You shouldn't get married to this man. He is weak at best or biding his time until after you're married to show that he holds the same 'traditional' values as his family and you're going to deeply unhappy.

You live in the U.K. and don't have to put up with this shit. It's not acceptable to view women as subservient to a man. Why on earth would you want to bring children into this family with their antiquated, misogynistic views? You backgrounds and cultures are unsuited. This marriage won't work, unless he's prepared to distance himself from his family, which it doesn't sound like he is. You're setting yourself up for a miserable life.