Inheritance Shame

[Lockdownschmockdown]

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

So was it an inheritance or a 'lottery type win' then? I'm thinking along the lines of 'Ernie' big payout on premium bonds? Which to be fair I can kind of understand the concept of early retirement, running wild in the aisles with a big of initial spending, and then budgeting enough to comfortably live off? Two million spread over say 35+yrs would average an of say 57k ish a year spends? Yes, great once you've paid off your house/upgraded. But there's still tax, insurance, shopping, repairs, holidays, implant teeth apparently (but I'd imagine that was more a one off). I'll be honest and say I'd view a 'lotto style win' as different to an inheritance. I wouldn't feel it was money my family had worked hard for in that sense. And I'll not lie but admit at 42 I'd see a fun packed early retirement awaiting me 😁 Yes, they could have put away a million for you... But then they'd also be looking at non retirement as 1 million over 40yrs (or more) is territory for still paying your taxes, house insurance, general repairs, car replacement, and so forth and so on.

You lost me at the point you described £20k as a small sum, OP. Perhaps they sensed how ungrateful you were back then and decided that they'd rather spend the remaining money on themselves.

You sound really grabby and entitled, I'm afraid.

The OP can’t even decide if it was an inheritance or not, let alone the amount involved

A private school education can set you up to make your own millions. It’s that much of an advantage, if you choose to make the most of it.

I'd genuinely be interested to know how this is the case. How is the education you receive so very different from that received by a child of similar intelligence at a state school that it's the surefire key to making millions? I've always assumed that the reason people who go to expensive schools often grow up to end up very rich and influential is more because of the money itself that their family has than purely the outworkings of any superior education that they've received.

Sorry but you sound like you do not live in the real world ...

As previous posters have said , £20,000 25 years ago and a private education sounds fairly privileged... You do sound grabby to me

Ok I’m struggling with this now. ‘Lottery type win’? ODFOD

If you had a tooth ache would they pay for you to see a dentist?
Im guessing yes..
Do you want a monthly allowance after they gave you 20k?
Some people live in a different world to me, its quite fascinating.

Yes, grabby

@Lockdownschmockdown

1. How much is their mortgage free house worth? (bought by millionaires who already had a big house so would hardly end up somewhere smaller AND they extended it)

1. Do you expect to inherit it? (forget care fees, the majority of older people don’t go into care homes)

I expect the answer to (1) is at least half a million and (2) is yes.

In their 80s, they must fully expect you to be getting that life changing sum from them in the next 10 years, no? Statistically sooner rather than later.

And whilst I’m asking questions:

1. £120K on a flat in 1996? As others have said - really? Where?

1. Has the fact you are a homeowner enabled you to get the mortgages to build a property portfolio? In which case, that’s an even bigger leg up they’ve given you 🤷🏻‍♀️

They inherited in their late 40s and are now 80s so it's likely to have been about 35 years ago?? (82-47 say) and op is approaching that age so is say 45. So she was still living at home to benefit from having millionaire SAH parents. Even if they're 80 and were 49, op still would have been in her early / mid teens.

Did they wait for you to move out before spending any of it?

Frankly OP, I cannot believe you’re so selfish as to stay in a low paying job that makes you happy, instead of sweating it out in the City while living in a tent to ensure that every penny goes to your children.

Happiness is for people that just don’t care enough.

Was this big house you lived in under a bridge?

and this is why you tell your kids to NEVER ever admit receiving anything and to lie about their financial situation at all time.

People get so bitter and nasty, nothing is worth more than discretion.

You sound worse with every single post.

I’m in your parents position. My adult child has an unencumbered property and I will do the same for the others when they become adults. My second child will have no student debt. My grandchild has savings which I put away every month. That’s a very good platform for them all. However if they displayed the staggering level of ingratitude that you do I would pull the plug on any financial support to make them appreciate what they’ve been offered.

Just wait until the local council sell their house to pay £1000 care home bills. You’ll have to raid your property portfolio then. You sound incredibly greedy and entitled.

£1000 a week

There is no trust fund.
The house will be mine if they don’t need care or have to release equity.
They are in their 80s with good health. I would be surprised if they didn’t live another 15 years or so. And they are planning a trip to the Maldives at Easter. I think that’s great.
At no point do I think I have failed by choosing a rewarding and socially oriented career which is not highly paid, private school or not. What an odd thing to suggest.

Yes, if you want money above what you have, you can opt to earn more. Your financial restrictions are of your making, despite starting with significant privilege.
I think your attitude towards your parents stinks, quite honestly. I imagine if I found out our children had a similar attitude I’d probably leave our entire estate to charities.

If my adult child had invested in a property portfolio, I probably would assume they still needed pocket money 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP, like you, if I had loads of money I would certainly make sure I did what I could to set my kids up.

And there is something about inheritance: your parents inherited a lot but won’t pass on anywhere near as much.

So, although none of us should expect inheritance, and we know we have no right to it, that doesn’t mean we don’t notice when others make different decisions to those who we love and hope love us.

I won’t get an inheritance because there is nothing much to inherit, but knowing my own priorities I would wonder why my parents didn’t feel the same.

I get where you're coming from, but I've not only been disinherited but also cut off entirely. My crime? I moved away from the area and refused to return. So there you go. It hurts and stings but honestly, just find a way to move past it. It's not worth it.

@Snookie00

I don’t understand posters who would happily blow such a large sum of money on themselves without sharing it with their family. It seems so consumerist, shallow and selfish. I’d much rather spread my wealth so others can enjoy it too.

But op would still have been living at home - somewhere between late primary and mid teens so it seems unlikely they kept it all until she moved out, gave her 20k and told her never to ask for anything else again. The idea that having done their best to give her a good education, a leg onto the property ladder which has meant she now has a property portfolio despite a low paid job and being a single parent, they should give it all to op because she's their child who can't spend it because she has to give it to her children who can't spend it because they have to give it to their children is a bit silly. Esp with a house likely to be worth half to three quarters of a million at least in the inheritance

I was no longer living at home when they received the money. How is this relevant?

What an odd thing to suggest and yet you are the one bleating about being hard done by. It really isn’t odd at all. Your life, your choices

What @Snookie00 said is the reason I posted. It’s not the money, it’s the mindset.