Inheritance Shame

[Lockdownschmockdown]

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

[Lockdownschmockdown]

It’s not that I want or need their money particularly. I get by fine and am pretty frugal and my kids certainly know the value of money, though we don’t go without.

It’s more that sharing it seems never to have crossed their minds, except for the house deposit which was an amazing gift as it got me on the housing ladder young and I am very grateful for it.

I reckon they inherited several millions though and proportionally its not much.

It’s more the desire to have a ball without considering their offspring much that I can’t relate to. I’d sooner live in a caravan and give my kids everything.

And someone mentioned I’d get the house, well not necessarily if they need care.

[vixeyann]

20k then is almost 40k in 'today's money'. I would be so grateful for that and would think I had got my inheritance there. It sounds as though you didn't want for anything growing up...I think you should count your blessings in this case and be glad your parents have lived their lives.

[RestingPandaFace]

BUt they haven’t left you with nothing. You’ve had £20K a good childhood and private school. Plus you will get the value of their house (if care fees don’t get it).

Most people in real life would be happy to have that.

[Cocomarine]

Oh and the job that you love?
That’s an amazing thing to have.
Perhaps you’ve been able to stay in a job you love despite it being low paid, is because you were able to buy a house young, because of their gift.
So even greater value, what they gave you.

[rattlemehearties]

Wouldn't you rather your parents had the happy fulfilling life they had using that money rather than being miserly and staying home waiting to die so you could inherit?

[Hellodarknessmyoldpal]

But you'll inherit their house?? And they have already giften you a house deposit?? I'm sorry i cannot get on board with this way of thinking.

[rattlemehearties]

Have you had therapy op? Actually they did give you a lot - private education, house deposit etc but you still think they did not ... Is it attention and love from them you're after?

[KeyboardWorriers]

You do need a head wobble.
You had a decent house deposit gifted to you, and a private education. They gave you plenty.

[Morgoth]

£20k 25 years ago for a house deposit is a fortune. They pretty much gifted you homeownership in your 20s.

Also, you say they only have their house outright which they own left - won’t you be getting that?! That’s a substantial inheritance

[CausingChaos2]

My DPs are not set to inherit millions, but what they do have, I’d like them to spend on themselves and having a good life. You were very lucky to get a house deposit in your 20s, most people don’t.

[Fifthtimelucky]

You've certainly been luckier than most, but it's all relative, isn't it.

I know that if I had inherited several million I would have given my children a lot more than £25k of it.

[RunnerDown]

I understand what you are saying op. I have been lucky- able to retire in my fifties, and I am comfortably off. I do want to travel, do up my house and generally enjoy life. But I have already gifted money to my dc and intend to continue to use some of my savings to ensure my dc are comfortable. However I will expect my house to be the biggest part of their inheritance, and won’t be saving money for that purpose .

[saraclara]

20k 20 years ago? That would have been life-changing.

Yes, you're being grabby.

[Pukkatea]

It's done now, whether you are unreasonable or not there is nothing you can do. You have to let it go.

[Milkshake7489]

If they had earned the money I would say YABU but since they inherited it, I think you are right to be disappointed.

It would have been nice if they had passed their good fortune onto you by being a little more careful with money.

[Retrogal]

I agree with you OP. I'm sure there will be a big tax bill on their estate and they could mitigate some of that by passing it down the generations now. That generation has had it so easy compared to subsequent generations- buying houses for £6k, final salary pensions, etc. I would feel like you do.
My parents have always had the opinion that they would pass any extra (which isn't vast amounts) down the generations and have been doing this for 10 years. I will do the same for my DCs too when the time comes.

[Hahabonk]

Totally understand OP. If they themselves inherited millions, then I would also see a 20K gift to get on the housing ladder as not particularly generous overall.

[Shodan]

The amount you were gifted 25 years ago would be what many people would be overjoyed to receive as an inheritance, so maybe try looking at it as if you just got your inheritance early. Which in turn meant you were able to get on the property ladder and (hopefully) have an asset which is appreciating in value.

So actually you have benefitted even more from that money.

You may inherit more, if it is eaten up in care costs, but even if you don't, you've already done pretty well.

[beelzeboob]

I had a bit of sympathy until I read they gave you 20k 25 years ago
Do you realise how unbelievably lucky you are to have that, how much that has helped you in your life, how much that has set you up? That is unbelievably generous.

[Bloodyhamabeads]

YABU They probably felt they have you a good start in life by paying for private school.

[Shodan]

If it isn't eaten up in care costs

[CuntyMcBollocks]

£20,000 for a deposit is a substantial amount of money, not to mention your school fees also. You were more fortunate than most in my opinion. You own your own home which will make you more secure when you're older, plus you will most likely inherit whatever assets your parents have. As much as I love my DD, there's no way on earth that I would scrimp and scrape and not enjoy my life, just so I can leave her loads of money. Whatever I have will absolutely be hers when I'm gone, but life is for living and it's far too short to go without if you really don't need to.

[JustLyra]

But I agree with you OP I cannot imagine not wanting to ensure my DC are set up.

Private education and a substantial house deposit is pretty set up.

[ReceptacleForTheRespectable]

£20k isn't a small sum. My parents have never been in a position to give me that, and never will.

So you were privately educated, will likely inherit a large (valuable) house, and were given a house deposit relatively early in your adult life. I'm not clear what your complaint is.... should your parents have chosen not to enjoy their lives?

[JustLyra]

@Lockdownschmockdown

It’s not that I want or need their money particularly. I get by fine and am pretty frugal and my kids certainly know the value of money, though we don’t go without.

It’s more that sharing it seems never to have crossed their minds, except for the house deposit which was an amazing gift as it got me on the housing ladder young and I am very grateful for it.

I reckon they inherited several millions though and proportionally its not much.

It’s more the desire to have a ball without considering their offspring much that I can’t relate to. I’d sooner live in a caravan and give my kids everything.

And someone mentioned I’d get the house, well not necessarily if they need care.

You “reckon” they inherited millions. So you don’t even know, yet you’re holding grudges based on it?