Inheritance Shame

[Lockdownschmockdown]

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

[Tistheseason17]

Love the drip feed... now your parents had 2M bucks... yeah, right. You would have mentioned that VITAL INFO in your first post, really, wouldn't you - not after you'd been flamed.

[MintyMabel]

No, I wouldn't hand out money to my financially afloat adult children if I came in to a windfall, if I had previously done all I could to set them on a good financial path but they seemed not to want to take any responsibility to keep themselves in a financially better position in order to provide better for their own children.

I'd assume they could have my house after I was gone and they could do what they wanted at that point.

It's my job to prepare my child for the future and to let them make their own choices. It's not for me to support their wish to have their cake and eat it.

[MintyMabel]

no need to exaggerate either, that's hardly a mansion.

But the value of the money is immense, regardless of the size of the property.

[MeltsAway]

It’s more the desire to have a ball without considering their offspring much that I can’t relate to

What??? I cannot believe a grown adult is writing this. - they raised you.
They gave you a house deposit. They gave you an upbringing. FFS

Why shouldn’t your parents retire early?

Can’t believe the self-centred ness of your OP.

[SinisterBumFacedCat]

They retired in their 40’s and frittered away their fortune. Lazy and feckless in my opinion.

I am getting fed up with the generic mumsnet opinion that every older generation worked hard for their money.

[MirandaMarple]

How much did they spend on your private education?

[CrankyFrankie]

Have they definitely not kept any aside for you/the kids? I had a (somewhat eccentric) family member scrimp and scrape through life and pretend he wasn’t leaving anything to anyone.. only to ‘surprise’ us posthumously by leaving a small fortune.

[CrankyFrankie]

That said, I think both my parents and in-laws are planning to spend all their money (and bequeath property and 70’s wine glasses)

[FireflyRainbow]

You already had 20 grand op. You are very grabby and unreasonable.

[Mittens030869]

The OP is definitely not coming back. She hasn’t posted anything since Friday.

[foxhat]

OP you talk about this being a moral question and don't think the specifics of your income and assets matter. But we need to know those to make sense of the moral question. It's the difference between "should parents share their wealth with a struggling single mother" versus "should parents share their wealth with a high earning, high asset single mother who although is cash poor is only so as she is choosing to retain non-cash assets, presumably for future wealth realisation". You can't abstract the question from the context. I think this is why you have got such a strong response. You are not low income or needy. Your parents can see that so it is perfectly reasonable for them to think 'thank goodness lockdown is in a very strong financial place, this means we can rest easy knowing that she will likely inherit a further wadge of cash from our home, so we don't need to also feel like we can't have the holidays and trips which we can afford". You don't need their cash, you just want it. That's really different.

[SugarfreeBlitz]

So where does it end?

*You think your parents aren’t allowed to enjoy the money because it’s for you?
*You aren’t allowed to enjoy it because it’s for your kids?
Your kids don’t enjoy it because it’s for their kids?

Life is for living and you sound so miserable OP. I can think if so many people who you would think poor in comparison, who are RICH in happiness and enjoyment of what they do have. You poor little rich girl!

[MeltsAway]

Well, I know both my parents are independently wealthy (my father pretty much stopped working at 50 unless there was a project he wanted to pursue), and they're in their mid-80s now. They gave me a secure childhood, an excellent education, and lent me the deposit for my 1st house (I repaid them). I don't expect to inherit - I'm well-off myself, and I want them to enjoy their lives.

My concern when my father stopped working was that he was a very hard-working man (he had inherited wealth & never needed to work) and enjoyed working. I didn't think that retirement at 50 would suit him. But he coped

And the last thing I thought about then, and now, is that morally he should have kept on going so I and my siblings could inherit. We're all well -off because our parents gave us a good start in life.

YABU. VeryU.

[Sapho47]

@HeckyPeck

I'm gobsmacked by your entitlement . You received a private education. House deposit and will get a share of their house and it's not generous enough for you. Grabby doesn't even cover

Honestly, everyone on here saying things like that.. if you won £2million on the lottery you'd give your children £20k and spend the rest on yourself? Really?

I think your parents have been incredibly selfish OP. It's their choice what to do with their winnings, but it was a selfish choice.

If I won £2million I'd give considerably more than £20k to my step daughter, parents, siblings and closest friends.

2 million is what 50k a year for 40 years?

So quite modest for a couple. Why would it be acceptable for them to work and earn 2 million and not give vast amounts to their offspring but having that 2 million upfront they suddenly have to give it away?

[Peff68]

If you had mortgage 25 years ago you’ve probably paid or nearly paid it off by now?

I understand a little why you are a bit pissed off and as a parent I hope to leave my children a nest egg when we are gone. They did finish work really young and could’ve invested or carry on working a bit longer (I would’ve) but it was their choice and that can’t be changed now so no point in dwelling on it.

[HTH1]

@Fifthtimelucky

You've certainly been luckier than most, but it's all relative, isn't it.

I know that if I had inherited several million I would have given my children a lot more than £25k of it.

This

[SandSeaBeach]

Haven’t rttt. But you lost me when you mentioned the ‘small’ deposit of 20k 20 years ago

[JustLyra]

@CrankyFrankie

Have they definitely not kept any aside for you/the kids? I had a (somewhat eccentric) family member scrimp and scrape through life and pretend he wasn’t leaving anything to anyone.. only to ‘surprise’ us posthumously by leaving a small fortune.

Only the million quid house they live in...

[Potterythrowdown]

So a £50k income plus (I'm presuming here) rental income from your "property portfolio" makes you "low income"? Are you actually devoid of empathy? Never read the news? Bet you think Marcus Rashford should stop bothering Boris don't you?

Sell one of your properties if you need the cash. Stop being entitled.

[GreenlandTheMovie]

@Mittens030869

The OP is definitely not coming back. She hasn’t posted anything since Friday.

Perhaps she's working over the weekend, unlike many people on here who sound like the type of people who inherit or have been given sums by their parents but like to keep it quiet, and pretend they got there under their own ability. Plenty of them around.

[JustLyra]

@Mittens030869

The OP is definitely not coming back. She hasn’t posted anything since Friday.

She posted yesterday under a different name.

[SugarfreeBlitz]

It must be so hard being a poor little rich girl. Rich in all the things money can buy, yet so unhappy.

Many, many WC and poorer people are way more content than this. It's only money.

[Mittens030869]

@JustLyra

Which username? I can’t find a post that looks like it comes from her.

[RoseGoldEagle]

If they had 2 million and bought a million pound house (presuming they bought it outright?) and then put you through private school that leaves 850,000 ish?? (Presuming you don’t have siblings they also paid for?) if they retired in their 40s and are now in their 80s, that would be about £20,000 a year if that’s what they were living off (an amazing thing no question without having to work, but not loads). Am assuming given you talk about holidays etc that they were spending more than that, and maybe they didn’t stop earning completely at 40? Am just thinking to retire early, 2 million would go reasonably easily if you bought an expensive house and then relied on no other income. I mean, not that I can even dream of that kind of money and maybe I’m missing something there with my basic maths! But I can see how 2 million in your 40s if you stoped earning at that point might not actually be the fortune it seems at first glance.

[NeedToGetOuttaHere]

RoseGoldEagle You’ve got all the timings wrong.