Inheritance Shame

[Lockdownschmockdown]

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

Look, with inflation the 20k they gave you 25 years ago was even more generous then It sounds now. They own their house which would go to you I presume which you could sell or rent out. Not to mention any belongings/cars.

Paying off your house will be your child(rens) inheritance so don’t worry too much about that.

Money is just material and happiness is more important I feel. Good on them I say for enjoying it. I personally would’ve also saved a little bit just in case but in your 80s I presume the mind set is different. Live in the moment and enjoy them while they’re here, don’t worry too much about what you’ll get when they’re gone.

Whist I do believe it was their money to spend how they wished I agree that I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to see my children struggling. If I had 2 million in the bank I would have split at least 1 million between my 4DC so that they could buy themselves a modest starter home each.
What I will say though is that if you are an only child you stand to inherit from your parents large property. Even if some equity is released for their care costs you will likely still receive a decent sum of money. Perhaps this was their thought process. Although it doesn’t help you now, it may within the next decade!

Honestly I'm disgusted. "Low paid" = 50k? You've basically forgotten about a "small sum" of 20k? And you went to private school?

Poor diddums. Boo fucking hoo.

I'll get sweet fuck all from my parents, and I hope they enjoy the later stages of their life, not panic about giving me money.

Grabby, entitled, awful. Honestly. I hope they don't have a penny to give you in the end. I hope they splunk it all up the wall on something they really enjoy.

Go volunteer at a food bank and see what real financial disappointment looks like.

How the other half live.

My mum is of the boomer generation and has done well in spite of 5 marriages.

I'm a single parent of 3 and cannot imagine thinking the way you do. She's always offered help if I've needed it but I want her to live her life for her, not for me.

So yes, I do think your attitude is a bit grabby.

Ive just read that you consider £50k 'low paid'!

I took you seriously up until that point.

Are you for real?

Oh how the other half live eh?

Yabu and greedy.

You sound very grabby and entitled. I hope these responses make you consider how privileged you are. Perhaps it will help your future relationships?

I think it's completely understandable that you feel this way to be honest. You're struggling on a lowish income, and being a single mother is really tough.

Don't beat yourself up. Obviously there's not much anyone can do now.

Hopefully their house will be an asset of which there is something left?

Oh god, I'm just reading the other replies.

Mumsnet has a real problem with grievances sometimes. Honestly I don't think you're being unreasonable, but there are a lot of martyrs on here who despise anyone who has a normal average life rather than living in a shoe on't motorway.

I've had no financial help from my parents but they obviously supported me as a child and also gave me £100 a month when I was at uni. I don't expect to inherit anything and I treat them all the time. What they did give me, which is priceless, is an education, confidence and above all, love.

Yabu.
My dad passed away last year, their are 5 of us, he left several thousands split between 2, I was not one of them. It was his wishes so I respect that, fwiw. I'm a single mum on benefits due too ill health and both my children have additional needs.
I will never understand how he could pick out just 2, because I just couldn't, if I had just a fiver left it would be split exactly between my children, but it is what it is.
20k that many years ago is a lot of money, it still is.

You are a grabby cow, well you did ask!
They have done loads for you and enjoyed their lives, bloody good for them.
I inherited a huge amount, but at the expense of my Mother never realising the fortune my father had amassed, she scrimped and scraped for her whole married life, whilst my father put the money exactly where he knew it would expand.
I honestly would have been happier for them to have enjoyed a flamboyant retirement and blow the lot, than having it left to myself and a sibling.

@anon666 but OP has actually said that she isn’t struggling.

And £50K simply isn’t lowish. Especially not when you have a house which you’ve owned - or rather, latest version of your chain of homes - for 25 years, and you no doubt also have an income from your property portfolio which you haven’t shared here.

That’s why she’s having a hard time. Not because people begrudge someone earning £50K, but because they lie about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

@anon666

I think it's completely understandable that you feel this way to be honest. You're struggling on a lowish income, and being a single mother is really tough.

Don't beat yourself up. Obviously there's not much anyone can do now.

Hopefully their house will be an asset of which there is something left?

In what world is she struggling? In what world is 50k a low income?

You've already had considerably more from your parents than most people. You ARE grabby and greedy....

@Cocomarine

You think they gave you £20K? You are so blasé about such a large sun of money, that you don’t even know?

Do you know how much £20K in 1996 (25 years ago) is with in 2021?
£32K, that’s what.

www.inflationtool.com/british-pound/1996-to-present-value?amount=20000

So they were late 40s before they got lucky, but through them you got lucky in your early 20s.

£32K equivalent in 1996 was your life changing amount.

Because that £20K wasn’t just £20K - it was the passport to home ownership. That means capital growth and savings vs rent and agency fees for every time you have to move. It also gives you a security that has a value that’s difficult to put a monetary value on.

You say that £50K would be life changing now - I’d say that if you go and do the sums on the growth on that £20K in house value alone, you’ve had your £50K.

The fact that you describe it as a “small sum” is insulting!

Lockdownschmockdown

These are exactly my feelings, couldn't have put it better myself.

I'm really lucky in that my parents have always supported me, emotionally and financially, and embarrassingly are still giving me money in my 50s (my husband lost job last May and still not working so money very tight).
I wonder if perhaps they don't see how much you have struggled because you are very capable? Perhaps you could talk to them about paying into a child trust fund or other savings plan to help your kids through University etc . Do they live near you so see the kids regularly and realise what you are going through?
I don't see how anyone on this page could say 'It's your choice to do a low paid job' because life isn't like that. We'd all love well paid jobs but the reality of life is that they are not that easy to get! Especially if your jobs is in the arts or case sector etc.
I don't think you are grabby at all.

You’d parents set you up for life. You had a privileged education ( whether you enjoyed it or not) ; probably university and a substantial contribution to getting on the housing ladder which has enabled you to have ( presumably) good equity in your home AND to earn significantly above average salary. You don’t actually know how much money your parents had/ spent ; but given it went on dental treatment and holidays I doubt it was “ millions”. Even if it was , they have more than done their duty by you - you have no idea if they have set up trusts for grandchildren etc - seems like your whole philosophy is based on presumption and entitlement. I would walk over broken glass for my DC - give them my last crust of bread - but once you have supported children into successful adulthood it’s time to treat yourself , surely? You sound incredibly greedy - you did ask!

@anon666

I think it's completely understandable that you feel this way to be honest. You're struggling on a lowish income, and being a single mother is really tough.

Don't beat yourself up. Obviously there's not much anyone can do now.

Hopefully their house will be an asset of which there is something left?

Did you read that she's on just shy of £50k?

@anon666

Oh god, I'm just reading the other replies.

Mumsnet has a real problem with grievances sometimes. Honestly I don't think you're being unreasonable, but there are a lot of martyrs on here who despise anyone who has a normal average life rather than living in a shoe on't motorway.

No one has an issue with her living a normal life and being financially comfortable- which she is. Bring a single parent is hard, but she's not on the breadline and it's disingenuous of her to insinuate that she was.

Mainly, people have a problem with her ridiculous tone-deaf sense of privilege that she doesn't even recognise.

I'm not entirely sure this thread is written actually in good faith tbh. It has troll footprints all over it.

They paid for your education and gave you a house deposit. I suspect if you asked them, they might express bemusement you’ve ended up in a low paid job - presumably you could have made different choices. If they were hoarding money and you needed help that would be different. As it is they’ve spent their money on a lifestyle they wanted, and you will likely get the house / a share of the house. It’s all fair enough.

A SMALL SUM of 20K????
Surely that was your inheritance OP???

Don’t want to flame you. You have every right to explore this. However I’ll give you my situation as it may help you shift your perspective. My parents were not poor but we didn’t have a lot growing up. My mum often made our clothes. I went to a rough state comp and worked hard. My parents moved house a number of times especially later in life to gain money through property gain and only came into money themselves around 5 years ago ( I’m early 50’s now with 2 kids and they are mid 70’s. Not tons of money but enough to be comfortable and after looking after my grandparents which was very hard work. I have worked very hard I think - I worked to get a master degree and now enjoy a good salary and bonus plus pension and private healthcare etc . I sent my daughter to private school at primary but now grammar at secondary. Even with a very good joint salary private education for both kids would have meant a frugal life style. We are not mega rich. My parents gave me 5 k when I got married and then more recently 5k when they inherited. I was truly grateful for anything. I was so glad to see my parents enjoy having some money finally in life and not having to worry. They could buy a decent car. I know they treat all 3 of us equally so 5 k to me is really 15 k to them. I’ve never expected them to pay me anything. The fact they never had much also was one of the drivers being determined to drive my own income. I also wanted to be in dependent of anyone - including my own husband if needs be to the extent I could always walk out if I ever needed to. Financial independence has been a liberation for me as a woman - perhaps it is a state of mind. Anything I get above and beyond that is an absolute blessing. But then I have not grown up ‘entitled’. Not saying you are as my sister is a single mum and I do know how hard it is from her. But she still has a profession and doesn’t live hand to mouth. The other thing I did was invest in the stock market. You can always learn ways to increase your own income - and not expect or rely on others for theirs. Let them be and enjoy them for who they are. That should be your focus. Be happy they had a nice life. So many others will have had a lot less.

What @ginexplorer said.