Inheritance Shame

[Lockdownschmockdown]

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

The baby boomer generation on the whole are quite self-serving and materialistic, I've found.

Here we go again...

I absolutely would help my children to a much greater extent than your parents did if I had been in their position. To be able to give them a more secure future would totally outweigh giving up a few holidays, I'm surprised how many posters on this thread wouldn't do the same, but we all parent differently and have different priorities

What I love about this thread, as in so many other threads about (lack of) child care by GPs is the utter certainty on the part of so many posters about what they will do in the future for their children.

Talk is cheap. You don't know.

My parents are 55 and 60. They live a very frugal lifestyle, have an incredible amount of savings and a very large house. There jobs are demanding and stressful, with my dad often working 5am to 7pm as high up in a company and my mum continuing to work despite suffering significant illness.
When I asked why they don't look at downsizing and retiring early they said they were worried about not having anything to leave us.
I was heartbroken. I don't expect anything from them or want it, I want them to enjoy their life after how hard they have worked.
It sounds like your parents have done what I wish my parents would do.
I'm sorry but I think your being selfish. they have given you a lump sum of money previously, and even of they hadn't I'm not sure why people expect an inheritance?
Parents are living longer, care needs are higher and ultimately, shouldn't they get to enjoy the money they worked for?

I don't expect a penny from my parents, their poor, the parents before them we're poor.

@Tvci5

I absolutely would help my children to a much greater extent than your parents did if I had been in their position. To be able to give them a more secure future would totally outweigh giving up a few holidays, I'm surprised how many posters on this thread wouldn't do the same, but we all parent differently and have different priorities

OP is financially secure OP owns a property portfolio OP has a decent salary from job

Maybe if she needed the money things would be different but how would giving her any more money change her life? What more does she need?

in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world

OP, you are refusing to change jobs but are expecting your parents to make sacrifices for you. On that basis YABU

@turquoisewaters

in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world

OP, you are refusing to change jobs but are expecting your parents to make sacrifices for you. On that basis YABU

Read the updates OP's definition of low paid job is 50k!

If you are asset rich but cash poor and £50K would change your life, why not sell or (re)mortgage one of the properties in your portfolio?

I can't imagine not wanting to do what I can to set DC up in life, but it sounds like your parents did set you up.
You had a nice family home, nice lifestyle, holidays, private education and significant deposit on a home of your own. Getting on the housing ladder 20 years ago also means you've benefited from decades of house price rises too.

If I came into millions like your parents then I would probably invest it and have some locked away for DC. We are comfortable but not well off, still have a mortgage on our nice but not massive family home, and I'd love to be able to help DC with a house deposit when they are older.

But I'd equally be annoyed if (hypothetically) I'd worked hard to build up enough of a life to give DC a very privileged start in life and supported them in adulthood and they were begrudging me for spending my money instead of continuing to bank roll any lifestyle improvements they wanted in adulthood, especially if on my death they were going to inherit a property worth £1million+ (IIRC from your posts). The overall attitude to me seems a bit granny.

If I inherited 2 mill ( or won the lottery- tbh that's a 100% more likely!) I would buy properties for my family and invest in property for the future.
I wouldn't go abroad at this time or squander it on cars that would depreciate.

I think money can cause a lot of trouble and be the "root of all evil" since families fall out over it. Maybe it's best to just make your own and be happy with what you have earned.

If your parents are sitting back and watching you and your children go without important things then I agree with you OP - it's very hard to understand. However if you are able to feed them well, live somewhere appropriate for their needs, have a little holiday every year etc then it's more questionable. Saying that, I am very close to my parents and I know that if they had loads of money they would share a lot with us adult kids - so although not wrong I do think it's a bit odd tbh that your parents haven't (although the deposit was very kind). In your position I would feel the same, there is no obligation whatsoever for then to give you anything, but in parenting there is no obligation for much of the stuff we do but we do it because we adore our DC and want the best for them - when parents don't go the extra mile it's just a bit odd, my experience of parenting is that you get more pleasure from helping your DC than you do from spending money on yourself. What my in-laws do, who are quite wealthy and enjoy many foreign hols a year etc, is to pay for a lot of things that we can't afford but that make our kids lives much better. Eg. Private dental work, an expensive school trip abroad, piano lessons etc. This help is not 'essential' and I don't expect it of them but it is so so gratefully received. My DC are very grateful and enjoy telling their grandparents about how it's going and it makes them closer eg. Calling them from the trip abroad, playing them their latest piano pieces etc. My parents don't have money but they have lavished love and attention on the DC. I know that if they had money they would take great pleasure in spending it on their DC and their DGC.

Francescaisstressed I agree your parents absolutely should be enjoying the fruits of all their hard work but it's not the same situation. The Op parents had the equivalent of a lottery win in their 40s and immediately retired. They didn't work hard for it - it was pure luck and they decided not to share the good fortune or leave a lasting legacy from it but yes its theirs to spend as they wish, in this case all on themselves.

@2020iscancelled but don’t you see that the reason many respondents are less than sympathetic, is because the OP did manipulate the question as you suggest? And it wasn’t true.

OP still hasn’t described this property portfolio of hers... if it started with a £120K flat in central London in 1996, can’t you see that her property assets now might easily be greater than the parents’ £1m house?

We don’t know the timeline here, as OP has lied about it, in multiple parts.

But if you have £2m and by yourself child’s 30th, say, that 30yo has a high value flat in central London, a high paying job and the beginnings of a property portfolio - would you feel you should give them more money?
No.

And if by their 40th, they have a fully established property portfolio and have decided they’re wealthy enough to shift career to a lesser paying one - but still £50K pa! - to do something they, would you feel they need your money?
No.

It took OP a while to drop in that “low paid” was almost £50K.

OP did not initially explain that she had a property portfolio, and still has not said what the capital value is of that, nor the income from it.

Of course that’s her business and she doesn’t have to.

But given all her other outright lies plus her belief that £50K is a low paid job, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if: her portfolio is worth £1m, she’s got a £30K rental income coming off it, her parents’ went guarantor on the mortgaging for it, etc...

You need more than a pinch of salt for this OP 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nothing more repulsive than someone jealous and seething over other people spending their own money on themselves. Grow up.

OP sounds like an Islington dwelling champagne socialist.

So you had a comfortable upbringing. .private schooling, and a helping hand with a deposit, not a small one. and it's still not enough?

Could be worse OP. My selfish idiot of a father has spent every penny that my mum saved for their retirement and now DH and I are funding him.

Did they not "set you up" by giving you a 20k house deposit (which was either a chunk of a mortgage 25yrs ago or you are living in a very big house/expensive area) and paying for private school?! YABVU

Wow. You are selfish. I got nothing when my parents died. Not a single penny. They lived in a council house and had no savings, not even a bank account. Yours gave you 20k and a great upbringing and you're still not happy? Count your blessings OP. You deserve nothing.

The generation born just before & during the war, despite those hardships, did ok. My own parent retired at 55 from a local council high up job, on 3/4 pay. At 65 half pay. I will never be able to retire as have no private pension at all. Had a property but had to sell to bring up kids on own. Don't like to think about that. Only a few years off the new retirement age now for state pension, but its not much at all. Parent basically has now been retired this year as long as they worked for, 34 yrs. But I don't resent them and life has not been all good.

You want your cake and eat it basically. You enjoyed the lifestyle that money gave you, including a sizeable lump sum, and now your begrudge your parents having spent it. Why should they have saved any for you? You had 25 grand, where has that gone?

Wow, super grabby to me.

Small amount for a deposit =20k really? 20k is not a small amount to be given at all. My mum leant me 10k so I could get on the housing ladder and she had huge amounts in the bank so could have gifted it to me or even more but it was her money and I was grateful of the loan

My mum has just died. There will be quite a decent amount of money coming my way but I wish there was nothing, I wish she had been able to spend it all doing what she wanted to do. I even wish it had been spent on care costs because she had lived to be really old but no cancer took her before she could live the life she wanted. My dad died 6 years ago. I don't want money I want my parents back to watch their grandchildren grow up.

So yes completely and utterly grabby. I'm glad your parents have loved a long and happy life and been able to do lots of lovely stuff with THEIR money

OP.
You are grabby and you are an adult.
Sort YOUR life out.
It's not your parent's job to forfeit their retirement lifestyle cause you won't sort your life out

You've already had more than most. My DM is a millionaire and I don't get a penny - never have, never will. Don't want it. Make your own life or you'll spend too much time being bitter

I understand where you are coming from to some extent. My parents inherited a lot of money from my grandfather. He worked hard, they didn’t really. They have lived a fun and extravagant lifestyle and have a much nicer home and standard of living than me. They have now moved in with my wealthy sister and sold their two properties and are enjoying spending the money they got for those. I know I probably won’t inherit any money from them and so I am trying my hardest to secure myself in my old age by putting lots into a pension. I don’t begrudge them at all, I suppose I just think they are lucky to have had it a bit easier than me. But, if I can retire and live well on my own money, I will be really proud of myself.