Inheritance Shame

[Lockdownschmockdown]

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

It was not uncommon for people to be living in their parents flats though, at least not amongst my uni peers.

I went to university in London (South Kensington) too, probably more recently than you, and whilst this wasn't uncommon, it was certainly the minority.
I knew of exactly one friend of a friend who's parents had purchased her a flat for the duration of university so that she wouldn't "waste money" on rent.
She had an incredibly privileged life, but of course it just seemed normal to her because her friends (including the people she associated with at university), were in a similar situation.
I think you're in the same position as her OP. Your parents have given you a massive springboard and you've actively chosen a low salary (which is not low at all) for a more enjoyably lifestyle.
Your parents probably feel that they've done more than enough and it sounds like they have.

My parents gave me the 20k which I used to buy a flat when I first went to uni in central London. I was just 18.

So roughly 30 years ago ( or 25) you used £20K as a deposit for a house in central London.

How on earth did you find the rest of the money as a student to buy it? How did you get a mortgage?

Come on, OP. I know London well, and I know that 30 years ago you would need to find a fair bit of money to buy centrally.

Sorry but you are not being totally honest.

The 50k would change my life as I am asset rich but cash poor. I realise this will not always be the case and I am more privileged than most.

Cash in an asset then. From your property portfolio that likely wouldn't exist without your parents getting you on the property ladder.

So... you live in the home counties, earn 50k on your own, and have a property portfolio. My heart is not exactly bleeding for you here.

The 50k would change my life as I am asset rich but cash poor. I realise this will not always be the case and I am more privileged than most.

My heart bleeds for you.

I'd suggest selling some assets then rather than expecting others to give you cash so you can protect your property portfolio.

I have a great relationship with my parents and don’t expect anything from them.

Your disappointment over their failure to save money to give to you is the whole point of your thread.

The more you post the more spoilt you seem. I very much doubt your children know the value of money because you most certainly do not.

Have read all your posts OP but not the FT. I see where you're coming from, as a parent if I had come into a windfall I think I'd have shared more of it with my child directly rather than as inheritance. Maybe they have not thought about care and are assuming you'll inherit the full £1m property in which case you'd of course be extremely fortunate and couldn't ask or expect more no doubt.
Due to their age shouldn't you have a conversation with them about their future care anyway, and you might be insight into their plans?

@LoveYourUsername

My parents gave me the 20k which I used to buy a flat when I first went to uni in central London. I was just 18.

So roughly 30 years ago ( or 25) you used £20K as a deposit for a house in central London.

How on earth did you find the rest of the money as a student to buy it? How did you get a mortgage?

Come on, OP. I know London well, and I know that 30 years ago you would need to find a fair bit of money to buy centrally.

Sorry but you are not being totally honest.

I was going to ask exactly the same thing.

Can you address this issue, OP? If your parents paid a 20k deposit on a flat in central London when you were just 18, who paid the rest?

And the value of that flat must have risen astronomically. I would imagine you made a pretty penny when you sold it (even if you only kept it a few years, given the rate at which London flats have increased in value).

I don’t think her finances are actually anybody’s business to be honest. The question was should she be feeling miffed that her parents have spunked away all of their cash living the high life with no thought to squirrelling some away for a post death gift. The rest is irrelevant. No you’re not being unreasonable because my parents have Jack shit but they’ve still put a bit away to pay for funeral etc. It’s kind of the norm to look after your kids and make sure they’re ok once you’ve gone. To not even think about that and just galavant like a couple of gamblers then it’s a bit crap to be honest.

they own their house, why wont this be passed onto you - have I missed this bit?

I was all ready to say , yes they've been a bit selfish, if I were them I would have at least given you the deposit for a house... But they did.

I used to feel like you did until my Dad died recently. Some of the grief is helped by knowing he retired early and enjoyed his life and that my Mom has no regrets that they didn’t go to the places they wanted and that they were able to create such happy memories from a happy life. It brings such comfort and makes me so glad they didn’t just save all their money for us.

I'm really sorry, but my phone has got stuck and has posted the same post over and over again in this thread. Please ignore. Will report my own post.

I don't think wasting money on purely cosmetic dentistry in your seventies or 2 exotic holidays a year, or massive motor homes that you change every couple of years when you have 2 holiday homes is a good use of money.

If this is about using money in a worthy way, then the OP's parents would be better off giving all their money to charity, rather than leaving anything to the OP. The OP clearly has enough to cover all basic needs, and anything above that would be a waste of money in your book. There is no reason for the parents to forego their holidays just so that OP can have more holidays instead.

Your expecting alot OP I never ever recieved large amounts like that from my parents whilst they was alive. I would get a hundred here or there sometimes paid sometimes they let me off it's only now that I'm 50 and lost then both I'm going to recieve £28000 and I almost didnt get that because my mom had to go into care but luckily qualified for chc.

I wish my parents had sent me to a top boarding school and set up a giant trust fund to facilitate my young adulthood. alas, it was not to be.

@SpringisSpinning

they own their house, why wont this be passed onto you - have I missed this bit?

Either the whole million plus will go on care home fees when they live to 120 or they'll die too late for op to enjoy the money / retire early.

I think inheritance should be wisely invested for future generations, ideally so you can benefit like paying off mortgage but then passing the house on when you die. My in-laws are the same.?they have enjoyed their big inheritances, not invested in any meaningful way and I see each successive generation getting poorer.

@Lockdownschmockdown

I am at work but have read every reply. Thank you.

The misleading details are down to me being deliberately vague and rounding dates up/down for fear of being outed. This has also led to a misunderstanding of the value of my first flat. It was not particularly big or posh, neither was it in Bond Street but it was a great place to live as a student and very different from the student residencies some friends lived in. It was not uncommon for people to be living in their parents flats though, at least not amongst my uni peers.

My parents gave me the 20k which I used to buy a flat when I first went to uni in central London. I was just 18.

The 50k would change my life as I am asset rich but cash poor. I realise this will not always be the case and I am more privileged than most.

I have a great relationship with my parents and don’t expect anything from them. I am pleased they got to enjoy life.

When I compare myself to those around me (home counties) I am certain I am on a low income in comparison.

You got a mortgage for 100k - higher than the average cost of a house nationally - when you were an 18yo student?l

When I compare myself to those around me (home counties) I am certain I am on a low income in comparison.

And how many of them have a property portfolio, are (presumably) mortgage free and could pick to pack in a high paid job in favour of a lower earning one that they love?

What you've received is loads in comparison to myself and many others, however I have to agree with you if they inherited "millions".

If I inherited millions, my children would definitely get more than 20k, and my mum definitely would give me and my 3 siblings more than 20k if she inherited millions too.

Yes I was with the Op til that figure popped up - flat in London at 18. Who's paying the mortgage?
Is this in fact a wind-up?

This gets funnier with every reply 🤣

Now you’ve confirmed it was a central London flat - Christ on a bike, the money you’ll have made on that 😳

Although like others, I call bullshit (or vague non outing poetic licence?) on your £100K mortgage as a student. The other one has bells on 🙄

As for asset rich but cash poor... if you really want that life changing £50K, sell one of your properties 🤷🏻‍♀️

Or maybe both your too tight diamond shoes? 🤨

And I bought my first small
Property jointly with my husband in London nearly 30 years ago so know that with a deposit as you described you'd have needed a huge mortgage. And our flat wasn't in central London as yours was OP.
MNHQ I smell a rat!

@Cocomarine

This gets funnier with every reply 🤣

Now you’ve confirmed it was a central London flat - Christ on a bike, the money you’ll have made on that 😳

Although like others, I call bullshit (or vague non outing poetic licence?) on your £100K mortgage as a student. The other one has bells on 🙄

As for asset rich but cash poor... if you really want that life changing £50K, sell one of your properties 🤷🏻‍♀️

Or maybe both your too tight diamond shoes? 🤨

Diamond shoes are too tight I think.

I doubt this person is even a troll. Some people are just this self absorbed sadly and despite being rich themselves can't see it and always want more. Can't even be happy for the parents that brought them up and gave them the chances they have. It's quite sad in a way and I feel sorry for op for not being able to see how lucky she is and not being satisfied with what she has.

Why do people make up these stories? Its too weird. They time them cleverly and reel others in. I can't get my head around it.
Can't wait for life to resume and the boredom to subside.