Inheritance Shame

[Lockdownschmockdown]

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

@JustLyra

Do you normally exierience problems with your written comprehension?

@GreenlandTheMovie Are you normally so rude?

Absolutely. When someone is deliberately offensive to me and accuses me of nonsense made up gibberish, I absolutely reserve the right to be critical back.

@JustLyra

In fact *@GreenlandTheMovie* it does say they’ve made it last 35 years...

Do you normally exierience problems with your written comprehension?

I can see that you're from the same school of entitlement as my father, who thinks that inheriting money involves some special skill that should be applauded.

They had previously spent their time working on a business that saw op through private school to land a well paying career and helped to buy a first property too.

I suppose they thought they'd done pretty well by op.

Also @GreenlandTheMovie not only did you read my post wrong and be unnecessarily rude, you’ve missed the OP stating it wasn’t in fact inheritance, but a lottery-type situation

So no hard work from someone else on their behalf for their “reckless” spending

Nothing shines more about someone’s personality when they can’t apologise for a simple mistake they’ve made, but instead double down on their rudeness

Have a good day @GreenlandTheMovie

I think the OP is being given an unduly harsh time

• the parents money was a "win" of some sort not earned or an inheritance
• unless I'm misreading they gave her nothing from the "win", the flat deposit was given before the "win"
• the "win" enabled them to give up work and have a great time
• they've now spent it all.

The OP wants to know if she's grabby for not wishing the parents had shared some part of the "win" with her.

We often to used to fantasise about "what would we do if we won the lottery" and I have to say that giving our kids a good chunk of it was always in there.

When my ILs downsized from their huge house and released capital, moving to a flat, they kept enough to be comfortable and distributed the rest among their DC. My own parent never had much money, but I have no doubt they would have done the same - my DM used to say "how lovely" it was that my ILs were able to help their adult children and how they wished they had been able to do the same. My ILs were incredibly generous with money they had earned, but the OP's were not at all generous with money that had been a "win".

I can't imagine using ALL of a substantial sum of unearned money like that on cruises and holidays and not help my DC out first.

I don't think @Lockdownschmockdown is at all unreasonable

I can’t believe the thread is still here given the OP has over the course of the thread suggested she left home at around 10 years old, amongst other contradictions

They have you £20k and you think that is a small amount. Back at the time you had it you should have used it as a deposit. You sound grabby to.me. it is their money and you should be so o pleased they have enjoyed spending it on themselves whilst still giving you s generous amount.

@GreenlandTheMovie

Viques do you realise how ridiculous you sound, describing the OP's multi millionaire parents, who retired in their forties and have led a life of indulgent leisure due to the proceeds of someone else's hard work for the last 40 years, by describing them as "your poor parents"?

It defies belief. They have led a life that most people who do work hard could only dream of! Let's get out the violins! The poor things have only had 4 decades of not working and spending freely, after all!

Maybe someone should set up a Go Fund Me for them as they're running ot of money now!

What is your preference? OP has a good life by most standards. Owns at least one property thanks to her parents and in-line to inherit another. Lived a life where she does a job that she enjoys, bit considers "low paying" at £50k, no doubt because of the private education she had and the lifestyle her parents provided as she was growing up. Her parents inherited money and distributed it widely through their purchases. I certainly don't think it's better for this money to be stockpiled and added to for generations, so that OPs great great great great grandchildren and forward never even have to entertain the idea of getting an actual job and contributing to society.

@Clarice99

Inherited money - 'kind of' lottery win ???

Low paid - earnings left of £50,000 That's not low earnings. Minimum wage is low earnings.

Small deposit 25 years ago - £20,000 That's not a small deposit. 25 years ago you could buy a house outright for £20,000 in some parts of the UK.

It's a shame that you're not focusing on the good things - a job you love, a decent income (not a low paid job as you claim) and a property portfolio. And, a potential large inheritance from your parents house.

A lot of people would be happy with just one of those things.

If nothing else, I don't really rate her ability to teach her kids the value of money.

Maybe her parents are trying to teach her that you need to appreciate and make the most of what you have, not rely on windfalls!

I think I'd share too but some people believe in spending on education to enable the most lucrative career possible. That's the legacy as they see it Anyway pure speculation on my part.

I agree with you OP. They chose to spend it on retiring early and living lavishly. It seems a bit weird not to think of putting some aside for your kids when you're gone. At least they paid your deposit though.

exactly what part of having a full time professional job and being entirely independent from my parents from the age of 18 do you find it difficult to understand

What I would have expected to see from decent grandparents is, some help for DS's children, one of whom is literally working her way through uni now

Your parents were clearly happy for you to work your way through university so why would you expect them to subsidise their grandchildren? If your grandpa had wanted your generation to have his money, he’d have left it to you but he didn’t. Funny that, isn’t it?

they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k

I meant a fairly low paid professional job...and am now in management.... ...My current salary is slightly left of 50k by which I mean not well paid like a banker or lawyer.

I have not always been in this career. I switched from a higher paid one which was london centric

I have invested in a property portfolio

...the house value. I would guess very roughly a million now

So you were given a hefty deposit (£20k was hefty 25 years ago), you earn a good salary in a professional role, and you used to earn even more. All of these mean you were able to save/invest early in life, and as a result you own a property portfolio.

Your portfolio means your income will exceed what you earn from just your job, so talking about being 'low paid' is fairly ridiculous.

You chose to change to a more rewarding career, and you obviously had the freedom to make this choice because you were financially comfortable. And when your parents die you are likely to inherit at least a million pounds.

But you object to the fact that your parents haven't given you even more?

So AIBU and a grabby cow?

YES! You are massively well off by most people's standards. Stop obsessing about what your parents supposedly owe you and enjoy it!

I get what you mean , why didn't there share the wealth more and make the family generations more wealthy though trust funds etc

I'm going to give my dd a knock down rate of a house rental , a lot of these people who hang onto money and then go in a home and lose it

I certainly don't think it's better for this money to be stockpiled and added to for generations, so that OPs great great great great grandchildren and forward never even have to entertain the idea of getting an actual job and contributing to society.

I agree with this too. OP has been set up more than reasonably.

Some people have odd ideas that money spent on impermanent things is wasted. I bet the people who benefitted from her parents spending don't see it that way.

A couple of million spent enjoying the world, or a large chunk of that set aside to make OP's children up as landlords enjoying their financial security off the backs of people who can't afford to do the same.

More and more in life, I find myself not inclined to charity and handouts, but in exercising my spending power ethically to benefit others.

I just don't agree with that MedlyDedly. L tuition is no longer available, neither are university grants and you need a university education for many jobs that dudnt require it in previous generations.

I don't think wasting money on purely cosmetic dentistry in your seventies or 2 exotic holidays a year, or massive motor homes that you change every couple of years when you have 2 holiday homes is a good use of money. I think it's an addiction to spending, to that kick out of buying something shiny, new and expensive to make you feel good, when it's often the small things that give just as much, if not more, pleasure. True philanthropists get real satisfaction from giving their money away anonomously.

That puppy already isn't being walked. My parents hate walking. The poor thing is so obviously going to end up being yet another consumer item that they get bored of when it's no longer new. I wish they had got an older dog from a rehoming centre. I have no idea what they will do with the puppy when they visit their homes abroad for 4-5 months per year, or go on their 2 holidays. It will literally spend the majority of its life in kennels. More likely, they will try to palm her off onto one of us, but none of us want a puppy.

Don't understand the mentality on here at all sometimes.

If I came into money the first thing I'd do would be to sort my kids out.

If my mum came into money she would think of me first too and I'm 36!

I'd be upset if this were me.

My mum has shed loads of money plus houses .. she hasn't given me anything for years and I doubt she will .. I don't expect any either , it's hers .. not sure why they would give you money to be honest . I don't doubt she will spend all of it before she dies .

Op I see what you are saying but I think you sound a rather glass half empty person.

[quote Cocomarine]@Booboobibles also - what part of the assets and income above do you interest as making the OP, “constantly worried and insecure”?

You’re really projecting here. OP is just fine. She said herself that she sees this as a moral question, not one of actual money.[/quote]
Moral aka I feel entitled to a share of their money. They spent it on themselves . This is not the usual MN inheritance scenario when the parents favour one child over another and therefore leaves the favoured child a bigger inheritance.
This is about the Op being entitled to her parents’ money despite being given 20 k for a deposit twenty five years ago
Op, is someone who regards herself as low paid when earning 50k and having a property portfolio. I know people who earn more than 50k and are struggling to get on the housing ladder.
I question Op’s morals tbh and I can understand why people think that Op is selfish

What I would have expected to see from decent grandparents is, some help for DS's children, one of whom is literally working her way through uni now“

Isn’t working through uni the norm anymore?
It was in the 80s, even when a lot of people had grants and no fees.

(Though it’s going to be harder for students to find part-time work in the wake of Covid of course.)

OP has had a very privileged upbringing, including a private education. To such an extent that they consider £50k a year a low wage at a million pound property portfolio which will bring in a considerable amount per year.
The parents clearly don't think OP needs financial help (I would agree) and have rightly enjoyed their money.

Ffs how the other half live 🤦‍♀️

I feel like private schooling/own flat/comfy job etc are distracting from the true issue which is: parents WON £2Million and gave £0 to their own child. She may not inherit anything in 10-15 years time if care fees are needed. Unbelievable!