Inheritance Shame

[Lockdownschmockdown]

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

Master Beth Inheritance should be heavily taxed so that the benefit of unearned wealth goes to wider society, not individuals.

I totally agree. I think inheritance should be taxed so that people get a maximum 150k and the rest goes in tax, and the savings used to reduce income tax. So that all thuse working have more incentive to work harder and get more enjoyment out of the proceeds of their hard work.

We are now taxed more heavily than any other generations in near living memory, yet the inheritance tax regime has hardly changed.

They gave you 20k twenty five years ago. That’s a LARGE sum of money!

My parents gave me £1000 towards my wedding and physically (not financially) helped us move into our house. I will be inheriting NOTHING my DF remarried after DM died and his will leaves everything to HER. MIL died leaving a few hundred pounds only. FIL is also leaving everything to his second wife.

DH and I are happy that both our DFs have enjoyed their retirement years and hope we have brought up our children to feel the same way.

OP, I get it.

If my husband and I suddenly came into millions, we would earmark at least £100K for each of our DC which would go in a trust fund. We'd know that by doing this, even if our house had to be sold in the future to pay for care, they'd get something of substance.

We would also hope to make some smart investments.

We would still be able to have a very happy and spendy life.

I don't think you are BU

@tonytiy

People getting their knickers in a twist about £25k - it may seem like a fortune to some people but even 20 years ago it really wasn’t a life changing sum of money.

Getting on the ladder young in somewhere like London 25 yrs ago could easily mean you are a property millionaire now. Far better to have 25k in your 20s in terms of building wealth then the equivalent sum in your 50/60s.

Even 20 years ago it would have been a 11.4% deposit on my 5 bed thatched cottage in an area easy commutable to London. I think most people would regard that as pretty life changing. And I'm certain of the % as we moved in just under 20 years ago.

@VinylDetective

They've just bought a 3 month old pedigree puppy because they were "bored" - the poor thing is so obviously going to end up rehomed when they realise they can't cope with a lively puppy because they're in their seventies

Yes, their 70s. Perfectly young enough to cope with a lively puppy - a long walk every day and a ball, job done. That post oozes envy and entitlement from every pore.

You don't know my parents. I can guarantee that puppy will be rehomed as soon as covid is over and they realise it isn't so easy to travel to their holiday home in France with a lively puppy, not least because Brexit makes the transport of animals more complicated.

They can't be bothered to even walk or train the poor thing, she already bites people and why they had to get such a large, lively breed when there are plenty of rescue dogs available that would have suited them more is directly related to their notions of what celebrities are doing. That's where their interest in dental implants for cosmetic purposes came from too.

We are now taxed more heavily than any other generations in near living memory, yet the inheritance tax regime has hardly changed

Bollocks. Basic rate income tax was 33% when I started work.

They probably made lots of sacrifices to send you to private school. And they enabled you to get on the property ladder. I have 20k saved for a house deposit and it took me years to save that. How lucky you are. Oh and grabby. But that has already been mentioned. You may inherit a house worth a million in a few years time too. Do you realise how fucking fortunate you are?

Hmm on the fence.

If their money had come from their own hard work I think they’d be entitled to spend it all. However as they inherited a large part of it I do think there is a responsibility to “pay it forward” (part of it anyway) to the next generation rather than take all the benefit of the inheritance for themselves.

On the other hand you have had quite a few benefits anyway ie private school and house deposit.

Also, you say one of your main life goals is to earn enough to set your kids up. But then you say you have a low paid job which you love and wouldn’t change for the world. So in that way you are like your parents, you’re prioritising your own enjoyment of your low paid job over your children’s financial future.

If one of my kids ever went online to grumble, during the middle of a pandemic where people are losing jobs left, right and centre, about their low 50k wage and how they were struggling despite having a property portfolio they’d amassed with my help back when they bought their first flat I’d be mortified.

My million pound house would be willed to the grandkids after that.

Your life didnt go in a direction were you could be a high earner and be comfortably off and have some sort of fund set aside for dc....this isnt your parents fault...they paid for a private education...obviously to give you the best opportunity to be financially secure in the future...20grand for a house deposit.....and you will probably inherit the house that they own outright
You sound grabby and entitled...fair play to them for enjoying their life...would you have been happier that they didnt fullfill their dreams so you could fullfill yours?

OP, you don’t actually say what you would do with the £50,000. How would it be life changing? You have a house, and while the money would help you to buy another, possibly bigger house, perhaps in a better area I don’t honestly see that that would be life changing for you , though it might eventually prove to be a better inheritance for your children.

Similarly, the money would not be enough for you to stop working, and anyway you say you like your job and want to continue to do it. Nor do I get the feeling that you want to use the money to retrain for a higher paid job. Your poor parents unfortunately appeared to have worked in jobs that they didn’t enjoy since they sold up as soon as they were able to afford to do so. It must be distressing for you to think of those years they spent hating their work but determinedly carrying on with it to provide the wherewithal to pay for your education.

Do you feel jealous of your parents teeth since you mention their dental implants. I imagine that your teeth are reasonable since you have parents who cared a lot about your education and so are likely to have also cared about your teeth . I assume this because they cared enough about their own to do the implants and so improve their own dental health. I assume then it isn’t for life enhancing dental work.

So I ask again, how would £50,000, a relatively small sum for your millionaire on paper parents, make such a huge change in your life. It is difficult to pick up the clues from your posts.

@JustLyra

If one of my kids ever went online to grumble, during the middle of a pandemic where people are losing jobs left, right and centre, about their low 50k wage and how they were struggling despite having a property portfolio they’d amassed with my help back when they bought their first flat I’d be mortified.

My million pound house would be willed to the grandkids after that.

That would be a really great thing to do.

Unfortunately, there really are people out there who inherit lavishly and run through it. I know my GF wanted the proceeds of his farm sale to benefit his grand and great grand children (because he said so several times) but the done thing was just to leave it to his kids to spend wisely. He would be so upset at the idiotic way my parents are carrying on.

I think it's good that they are spending the money and having a great life. If they didn't spend it a lot would go in inheritance tax when they die or be used up to pay for a care home.
The 100K implants seems a lot..... (not relevant to the thread)... did they both have full implants at 50K each? Seems very expensive.... Anyway...

These inheritance questions are always tricky and the poster gets jumped on and flamed immediately for being grabby and expecting something etcetc. No right to expect money they haven't earned blahblah.

And normally, yes, the posters do have a point. My Dad worked hard all his life and ended up with savings of around 100K when he retired. He then merrily spent what he wanted, when he wanted and I am glad he did. He died suddenly a couple of years ago and some of those savings were left (not much). I was grateful for what I received and also grateful that he was able to make his retirement more pleasant rather than having to scrimp and save on just his pension.

However, in your case, I do think that when they suddenly got their 2 million windfall (lottery?), they could have shared that luck with you and other siblings if you have them. They were generous to give you 20K before the windfall. I think it wouldn't have hurt them at all to give you something eg. pay off part of your mortgage or the whole mortgage depending on how much it is or give you a cash gift.
Then they could have spent the rest.
I know if my parents had suddenly got 2 million they would have given me something and probably all of their nieces and nephews too. So in that respect I do think they are being a bit mean - though to be fair to them perhaps they thought they'd never get through all the money so you'd inherit a fair sum anyway. However, money is easily spent and when you no longer have to think about where it is coming from you can splash out 100K on dental implants when there might have been other options available (ie. the all-on-4 system where you don't need an implant for every single replaced tooth!)

@Skyliner001

Sorry, but 20 grand is not a generous deposit. If the original posters parents inherited several millions, bearing in mind that they came into the money, they did not earn it. Paragraph then it is of seen that they did not consider sharing it with their children. In fact it's really strange. The original poster I'm sure would share the money with their child if they came into a similar amount. I can't imagine any circumstance where my parents would come into this amount of money and not share it, considering they bought my house out right.

Get away...

She used the 20k to buy a 1 bed for 120k in 1998/2000
rightmove indicates that 120k at that time would have bought a flat in w1 ie behind bondstreet. Depending on particulars that flat is worth 1.2-2m now.

She has a property portfolio and is earning a "paltry" 50 something k (plus her rental income??)

Have her parents dicked away their money?
Obviously yes and it is not what many would do but it's their choice
Are they expectinh her to fund them?
no
Is she living in abject poverty while they quaff champagne?
obviously no
Did they help her and has she still benefited significantly?
hell yes

I see both sides - on the one hand, I don't 'believe' in inheritance, it perpetuates inequalities and when it's earned wealth, rather than inherited wealth, I think the person who earnt it should enjoy it rather than saving it for their children. But when it was such a large windfall I must admit I would resent them too. On the other hand, is there a chance you made life choices (particularly about your poorly paid job) based on the assumption (possibly subconscious) that they would gift or leave you a substantial amount of money one day? Your career is something you do have some choice over, particularly in the first decade or so.

Viques do you realise how ridiculous you sound, describing the OP's multi millionaire parents, who retired in their forties and have led a life of indulgent leisure due to the proceeds of someone else's hard work for the last 40 years, by describing them as "your poor parents"?

It defies belief. They have led a life that most people who do work hard could only dream of! Let's get out the violins! The poor things have only had 4 decades of not working and spending freely, after all!

Maybe someone should set up a Go Fund Me for them as they're running ot of money now!

We are now taxed more heavily than any other generations in near living memory, yet the inheritance tax regime has hardly changed

Why do people post this nonsense? Does it get written down somewhere and people don't bother to fact check it because it suits their argument.

I think you're being grabby too.

You've got a good job, even if you think it's not enough.
You own several houses, as a single parent do you know how much in a minority you are there?
You had a private school education. Even if you think it wasn't great, it would have been better than many peoples public school educations. Sorry it wasn't the fanciest place?

I'd be pissed off if you were my child. You are quite ungrateful and still want more.

Your parents worked hard their whole lives to give you a good start in life. You got that. You are a whole lot better off than many people. They deserve to enjoy themselves.

@GreenlandTheMovie The OP’s parents haven’t run through the money though...

They’ve set her up, and she’s in line to inherit a million pound house. So between her property portfolio and that her kids should do well too.

She’s in an incredibly fortunate position. Yet came on here pretending to be a low paid struggling single parent.

@Lockdownschmockdown If you’re still around I’m curious about something...

Your parents inherited in their 40s, 35 years ago. You are approaching the same age...

Yet you said you didn’t live at home when they inherited/won the money.

Where did you live?

@GreenlandTheMovie

Viques do you realise how ridiculous you sound, describing the OP's multi millionaire parents, who retired in their forties and have led a life of indulgent leisure due to the proceeds of someone else's hard work for the last 40 years, by describing them as "your poor parents"?

It defies belief. They have led a life that most people who do work hard could only dream of! Let's get out the violins! The poor things have only had 4 decades of not working and spending freely, after all!

Maybe someone should set up a Go Fund Me for them as they're running ot of money now!

I said they were poor in the sense that they worked in jobs that they clearly hated (since they gave them up as soon as they were able to) in order to provide the OP with her expensive education -and good teeth.

Like the OP you seem to equate financial well-being with emotional well-being.

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU OP. My parents are extremely wealthy (very successful company) they did just as your parents did for you, for us. Although they paid for our houses outright as wedding gifts. Now, their money is theirs to do as they like. If my mother wanted to have new boobs and go on a cruise every week she bloody well can. We are actively encouraging them to invest in their health and wellbeing because we want them around for as long as possible.

We bought an entire cottage for £20k twenty years ago, worth about £250k now.

Many millionaires choose to leave nothing to their children.

Yanbu. If your parents suddenly expected to you help them financially after spending all their money, then they WBU, but it sounds like they've had a great life and are happy to wind down a bit now they are older. I think a private education and a 20k deposit are very generous gifts that most of us can only dream about.

I do get where you are coming from OP. With the amount they seemingly received as another poster has already said with good financial planning they could have lived the way they have and set aside an amount for future generations of the family to be more comfortable too. It didn't need to be a case of either/or.

If they are however about to jet off again to the Maldives are you certain that there will be nothing left (other than the house, assuming that doesn't disappear in care home fees). You may be surprised at the time they do pass to find there is something set aside.

As a parent I would be of your mindset that there is way to provide a better helping hand for my kids and still enjoy the money myself (notwithstanding the deposit and private education).