Inheritance Shame

[Lockdownschmockdown]

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

@Blindstupid

So OP has now done a runner ... probably because she’s had it confirmed that she’s a grabby spoilt cow.

For those saying the parents should have given her more, set her up more ... why?? They worked very hard to give her a private education, big house to grow up in, lovely holidays ... they gave her a huge sum of money to get her on the property ladder - OP is doing very well for herself - probably all down to her parents good grounding!

They had a windfall which they chose to RETIRE early with ... do you think they should have given OP a chunk of their windfall and delayed retiring for 10-15 years?? Not likely - they used their money fir their own life AND set their daughter up at the same time!

But I don't believe that was the choice. They blew ~£6mill (in today's money) and gave the OP 0.6% of it.

They could have given her 10% without it delaying their retirement. I guess that's all people who see where the OP is coming from think.

We have a few family members where the opposite has been true. Currently FIL lives a pretty frugal life, but he could afford to do more, travel etc... and we want him to, the money is no good to him when he's dead, he could enjoy it now.

Also last year a family member died and we discovered she had money, she had never said and it was horrible to find out she was in a care home she hated, totally with it just physically struggling, if we had known she had the funds we would have helped her set things up so she could have stayed at home and enjoyed her last few years.

People should be able to spend their money how they want. Your children don't have an automatic right to it.

Entitlement beyond belief op

They could have given her 10% without it delaying their retirement

Yes they could but why should they? Perhaps they thought handing over a life changing sum of money to a very young person was a recipe for disaster.

I think some posters don't realise how upsetting it to be in the midst of such lavish spending and waste of an inheritance. My GF would be so upset that the proceeds of his farm have been wasted on so many new cars, motor homes, foreign holiday homes, Caribbean cruises, other exotic holidays, etc. Its just awful to see in real life.

Worse still, my parents lie to us 3 siblings that they received anything, or from DUncle, who worked for years to build up his business. Their expectation certainly was that their money would be passed down to the younger generation to help with education and housing, and they would be absolutely disgusted by what my parents have done. I'm low contact because I just can't stand their constant implausible boasting that taking early retirement at 50 from computer repairs and teaching jobs funds a multi million pound retirement.

Ugh and yes to the dental implants. They were all set to get their extensive dental work done before covid. No explaining to them that the risk of bleeding in a seventy year old makes it risky. There are plenty of places willing to take their money. They've just bought a 3 month old pedigree puppy because they were "bored" - the poor thing is so obviously going to end up rehomed when they realise they can't cope with a lively puppy because they're in their seventies.

But they have lost all their friends because of their constant boasting so have no reality check on their constant spending, and they really have convinced themselves that they are somehow special and deserve it. They are disdainful of any pensioners who haven't done so well and have never helped anyone in their lives.

So unless you have experience of having to sit and listen to people like this, if advise caution in being too scathing to the OP. Unearned money can do strange things to people. Not good things, unless you are very careful. But I do think that inheritances should at least partly be passed down to younger generations and not squandered on endless consumer items.

I'm sure they will leave the house they own to you, isn't that enough?
You are lucky to be in position your parents will leave you something of value like property for you to either sell or live in.

2million spent over 30 years (excluding the interest) means they've spent around 67k a year. Between two people. They've paid off their house, had holidays and meals out, had household bills to pay still. You've had a private education, a good deposit for a house and holidays abroad. I'm also assuming you and your children have received gifts for Christmas and birthdays etc. Even though that's still a lot more than comes into my house with two full time wages, it's not impossible to see how that amount could easily be spent over 30 years.

Why shouldn't they spend the money they earned?

They don't owe you anything.

You'll get the house anyway.

What are you suggesting, that they should have sat at home and not lived their lives for the last decade just so you could have their money?

Good on them.

You sound grabby as fuck.

This isn't real is it?
However we plan to do what the parents have done. Retire early, spend all our money by 80 (a good average) then leave the house.

@Cocomarine

You think they gave you £20K? You are so blasé about such a large sun of money, that you don’t even know?

Do you know how much £20K in 1996 (25 years ago) is with in 2021?
£32K, that’s what.

www.inflationtool.com/british-pound/1996-to-present-value?amount=20000

So they were late 40s before they got lucky, but through them you got lucky in your early 20s.

£32K equivalent in 1996 was your life changing amount.

Because that £20K wasn’t just £20K - it was the passport to home ownership. That means capital growth and savings vs rent and agency fees for every time you have to move. It also gives you a security that has a value that’s difficult to put a monetary value on.

You say that £50K would be life changing now - I’d say that if you go and do the sums on the growth on that £20K in house value alone, you’ve had your £50K.

The fact that you describe it as a “small sum” is insulting!

This with knobs on, except the UK inflation calculator I consulted put it at just under £39k in today's money. You were very fortunate.

@GreenlandTheMovie

I think some posters don't realise how upsetting it to be in the midst of such lavish spending and waste of an inheritance. My GF would be so upset that the proceeds of his farm have been wasted on so many new cars, motor homes, foreign holiday homes, Caribbean cruises, other exotic holidays, etc. Its just awful to see in real life.

Worse still, my parents lie to us 3 siblings that they received anything, or from DUncle, who worked for years to build up his business. Their expectation certainly was that their money would be passed down to the younger generation to help with education and housing, and they would be absolutely disgusted by what my parents have done. I'm low contact because I just can't stand their constant implausible boasting that taking early retirement at 50 from computer repairs and teaching jobs funds a multi million pound retirement.

Ugh and yes to the dental implants. They were all set to get their extensive dental work done before covid. No explaining to them that the risk of bleeding in a seventy year old makes it risky. There are plenty of places willing to take their money. They've just bought a 3 month old pedigree puppy because they were "bored" - the poor thing is so obviously going to end up rehomed when they realise they can't cope with a lively puppy because they're in their seventies.

But they have lost all their friends because of their constant boasting so have no reality check on their constant spending, and they really have convinced themselves that they are somehow special and deserve it. They are disdainful of any pensioners who haven't done so well and have never helped anyone in their lives.

So unless you have experience of having to sit and listen to people like this, if advise caution in being too scathing to the OP. Unearned money can do strange things to people. Not good things, unless you are very careful. But I do think that inheritances should at least partly be passed down to younger generations and not squandered on endless consumer items.

The OP is in line to inherit a million pound house.

Her parents have ensured she was nicely set up and had choices.

Unearned money can do strange things to people

Like make them feel entitled to more you mean?

Even though they have a large salary, property portfolio and likely a larger inheritance than most people?

@SinisterBumFacedCat

I've be horrified if my kids (and I am retired) criticised me for how I spend my hard earned money ( after working hard for 45 years) and felt they were owed some now.

But it wasn’t hard earned money. It was a windfall through sheer luck which they frittered away and have nothing to show for it. If their intention was to go through the money like water it’s ridiculous not choosing to share that fortune with your own children, rather than give up work in their 40’s. Hard earned? Do me a favour!

It is their money though.It is not as though op’s parents haven’t helped her I have got to admit, I am often shocked by some people’s sense of entitlement when it comes to inheritance IRL I hear friends and relatives planning what they plan to do with an inheritance.The person that they hope to inherit the money from is alive and in good health. It’s so distasteful

@Zenithbear

This isn't real is it? However we plan to do what the parents have done. Retire early, spend all our money by 80 (a good average) then leave the house.

There are more holes in the story than a sieve

Either that or it’s a really bad reverse

Just think of the compound interest payable over 25 years on the chunk of money for the flat!

@GreenlandTheMovie

I think some posters don't realise how upsetting it to be in the midst of such lavish spending and waste of an inheritance. My GF would be so upset that the proceeds of his farm have been wasted on so many new cars, motor homes, foreign holiday homes, Caribbean cruises, other exotic holidays, etc. Its just awful to see in real life.

Worse still, my parents lie to us 3 siblings that they received anything, or from DUncle, who worked for years to build up his business. Their expectation certainly was that their money would be passed down to the younger generation to help with education and housing, and they would be absolutely disgusted by what my parents have done. I'm low contact because I just can't stand their constant implausible boasting that taking early retirement at 50 from computer repairs and teaching jobs funds a multi million pound retirement.

Ugh and yes to the dental implants. They were all set to get their extensive dental work done before covid. No explaining to them that the risk of bleeding in a seventy year old makes it risky. There are plenty of places willing to take their money. They've just bought a 3 month old pedigree puppy because they were "bored" - the poor thing is so obviously going to end up rehomed when they realise they can't cope with a lively puppy because they're in their seventies.

But they have lost all their friends because of their constant boasting so have no reality check on their constant spending, and they really have convinced themselves that they are somehow special and deserve it. They are disdainful of any pensioners who haven't done so well and have never helped anyone in their lives.

So unless you have experience of having to sit and listen to people like this, if advise caution in being too scathing to the OP. Unearned money can do strange things to people. Not good things, unless you are very careful. But I do think that inheritances should at least partly be passed down to younger generations and not squandered on endless consumer items.

Inheritance should be heavily taxed so that the benefit of unearned wealth goes to wider society, not individuals.

Hey OP - I'm with you and think it is a bit upsetting they haven't made some provision for their Grandchild. Your parents sound a bit selfish tbh.
And for PP who are talking about the house - there is no guarantee OP will get the value of this - if her parents ever need residential care the expectation is that the house will need to be sold to pay for it as it is an asset.

JustLyra with 0eople like that, I wouldn't be too sure about inheriting any house. Once they've run out of money, they will quite likely encumber the house with one of those mortgages that allows them to continue living in it til they die and then it hues to the mortgage provider.

My DF's mother also lived to 96, the last 25 years of which were spent in a nursing home. That's where her house proceeds went.

They've just bought a 3 month old pedigree puppy because they were "bored" - the poor thing is so obviously going to end up rehomed when they realise they can't cope with a lively puppy because they're in their seventies

Yes, their 70s. Perfectly young enough to cope with a lively puppy - a long walk every day and a ball, job done. That post oozes envy and entitlement from every pore.

If OP owns a property already, and is probably going to inherit one, she'll be fine. She can rent one out and save all the money for her own DC's deposits or whatever. Or sell one.

Either way, she's better off that a lot of people are.

OP: I'm a poor single mum in a low paid job, why won't my parents help me?

Reality: Privately educated, Earns £50k, has a property portfolio started with a £20k gift from parents, may inherit £1m + house.

My parents received a modest inheritance, I encouraged them to spend it on themselves and they did. I will get their house when they die.

@makingitupaswegoon

Hey OP - I'm with you and think it is a bit upsetting they haven't made some provision for their Grandchild. Your parents sound a bit selfish tbh. And for PP who are talking about the house - there is no guarantee OP will get the value of this - if her parents ever need residential care the expectation is that the house will need to be sold to pay for it as it is an asset.

Why should they make provisions for their grandchildren? They chose to have their own children, their children chose to have grandchildren. The grandparents owe them nothing (and, FWIW, nor do the parents, really). The selfish sounding person is OP, IMO. It's a bit grabby and sick to be calculating how much they could have gotten, had their parents been a bit more frugal.

@GreenlandTheMovie

JustLyra with 0eople like that, I wouldn't be too sure about inheriting any house. Once they've run out of money, they will quite likely encumber the house with one of those mortgages that allows them to continue living in it til they die and then it hues to the mortgage provider.

My DF's mother also lived to 96, the last 25 years of which were spent in a nursing home. That's where her house proceeds went.

They’ve managed to make the money last them 35 years, which is more than a lot of people who suddenly come into huge amounts.

They’re obviously far more financially savvy than the OP gives them credit for.

This cannot be real! £20k as a gift! And you may get the house! And you had private education!

I see where you're coming from, but I don't think you should EXPECT an inheritance. It sounds like your parents were very in giving you £20k which is far from a small sum. My mum passed away when I was a teenager so naturally my father received whatever he was due in terms of life insurance etc. When my father passes I don't think there'll be much left for me and it doesn't bother me. I'm not rich, but do live within my means. When my children were born one of the first things I did was set up savings accounts for them. It's something I never had yet I'm keen for my children to have some help so start them off whether it be a deposit on a house or help with a first car etc. You also have to remember that one of them will pass before the other so their spouse will receive their share and then when the survivor passes, whatever is left (house value) will go to you if that's what they have in their Wills (if they have Wills?)