Inheritance Shame

[Lockdownschmockdown]

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

@JustLyra yes i quite agree. I have seen a couple of threads with these kind of comments. I understand it may not be considered a high wage but surely at least a decent one.

I can't help thinking it's pretty rich that you received an elite education (which no doubt cost in the hundreds of thousands when added up) AND help with a deposit and you chose a low-paid job but expect your parents to "save" you from having the equivalent lifestyle.

How much is the OPs property empire worth?

What do you need the money for OP, you say you have a property portfolio and you'll get their house when they're gone - surely that adds up to quite a bit. How much more do you want?

Do you genuinely consider that the OP - with her expensive flat that has lead to a property portfolio, ability to choose a lower paid job and likely to inherit a million pound house wasn’t set up by her parents?

Very well put.

I’m struck by the contrast with a friend of mine. Son of first generation immigrants, who worked in minimum wage jobs. He was bright, worked bloody hard at his (poorly rated comprehensive) school and got into Cambridge. He now works in the City (in a job that pays £££ but he hates) and sends money to his parents each month then they can have a few luxuries. He’s tried to switch into the sector he’s always wanted to work in (the arts) but can’t get the numbers to stack up; in spite of a large salary, he had to save every penny of his house deposit himself and so still has a reasonable mortgage. You’d no doubt think he was “luckier” than you because of his salary....

@Lockdownschmockdown

Don’t mean to drip feed but my op was more of a moral question and now you’re all hung up on the exact figures of my life. My current salary is slightly left of 50k by which I mean not well paid like a banker or lawyer, more like senior management of a social nature.

Left of £50,000 salary????? That's double mine. How the fuck can you class that as low paid???? Jeezo.

I think it sounds grabby, not in a horrible way just you seem to think what they have is yours, it's not and you're a grown up. My parents are skint, I won't get a penny but even if they had money I would never think about when/ if I would get some. It seems strange

I totally get your point op . If it was me I would 100 percent be putting half of it away for my daughter when she grows up

@lanbro, but if you were in a bad relationship, as the OP has been, wouldn't your Parents be wary of potentially handing that over to someone else?

There's just been a case were only one half Sister inherited because the court ruled that one parent died before the other. They died of carbon monoxide poisoning. With marriage and blended families, inheritance doesn't always go to were it should.

OP, you and Prince Harry would get on great. You'd probably convince each other that you've practically grown up in a crack house in the ghetto.

@PrincessTuna

I know what you mean OP. I cant imagine having this "you cant take it with you" attitude while ignoring the fact you could make a huge difference to your kid's lifestyle.

My parents have been fantastic tbh. I was in a financial mess after divorce and they helped me out saying they'd rather see me benefit now than wait till after theyve gone. Their parents were similarly generous with them. If I get the chance I will pay it forward with my kids.

❤️❤️❤️

At no point have I said that it was an inheritance. It was more along the lines of a lottery win type thing.

I reckon they inherited several millions though and proportionally its not much. Thursday 23.06.07 (Time of post)

Which is it @Lockdownschmockdown

You seem to change your tune.

And you don't even know how much it was? Even if it was a lottery win?

@Ponoka7 admittedly I didn't get that far through the thread...

@Ponoka7 my kids are still little so maybe I have an experience gap. But caveat aside, yes, I would think I'd give at least 20% to my kids if I had a windfall.

0.6% of a win shared with my daughter would feel stingy. Especially as it was 35 years ago so just as she's starting out in life. From the ages and times said

OP parents won money late 40's 35 years ago
OP had left home so was early 20's?
10 years later they gave her less than 1% of the win.

So at the time of the win & they chose to go on holiday etc OP was hardly established and comfortable. I bet her salary was no where near £50k.

It was stingy.

You’ve changed your tune over the course of the thread.

You’re embarrassing yourself.

Essentially,you’ve hoped expected for a more substantial share of their monies
In your opinion they’ve given an unsubstantial amount prorata to what they received and it’s caused you resentment. You’ve had your struggles whilst you’ve observed their spending.
Your point is they received £2million+ and dispensed £25k of it. 1986 £25k equates to approximately £60k now

Hard as it is There really is no automatic entitlement to parental monies they’re spending and having a jolly old time. The comparison is your a single parent and in a moderate pay job whilst they are prosperous with no spending issues. I think you’re misguided and being a bit poor me. They aren’t under an obligation to share their money or spend it on you.

However,they sent you to private school, that’s privileged start and they’ve probably thought it an investment. They gave you £25,000 in 1996, value would be @£120k now.

I think you need to focus on your own achievements
Management in your job
Solely raising children
Resilient after an abusive relationship
Fortunate in choosing a career you lovea

Let the preoccupation with someone else monies go. Don’t let this eat you up. You said you have a good relationship with them, focus on that

@Lockdownschmockdown

It’s not that I want or need their money particularly. I get by fine and am pretty frugal and my kids certainly know the value of money, though we don’t go without.

It’s more that sharing it seems never to have crossed their minds, except for the house deposit which was an amazing gift as it got me on the housing ladder young and I am very grateful for it.

I reckon they inherited several millions though and proportionally its not much.

It’s more the desire to have a ball without considering their offspring much that I can’t relate to. I’d sooner live in a caravan and give my kids everything.

And someone mentioned I’d get the house, well not necessarily if they need care.

So is it an inheritance or not?

Either way you sound comfortable enough without it and have been given a helping hand getting housing sorted.

If I came into millions of pounds then I would definitely share a large amount of it with my children and would also be treating them to holidays and nice things. I would also set aside money for grandchildren. I don't understand how your parents just went ahead and enjoyed such a large unexpected fortune without a second thought about sharing the joy with you. It's a very strange mentality. But this is mumsnet and people are considered grabby for hoping for money from anyone.

My parents are similar OP, they've worked hard and have a lot of money through wise investments. We had a great upbringing, private school and fancy holidays.

As adults we've not been given anything and it's interesting as a lot of my friends with parents less wealthy have been given a lot more. My dad is determined to leave us decent inheritances but my mum openly says she's trying to spend it all as we had enough growing up. So I honestly think it depends who goes first as to whether we inherit anything, my mum would leave it to some random cousin or charity for sure!

[quote Ponoka7]@lanbro, but if you were in a bad relationship, as the OP has been, wouldn't your Parents be wary of potentially handing that over to someone else?

There's just been a case were only one half Sister inherited because the court ruled that one parent died before the other. They died of carbon monoxide poisoning. With marriage and blended families, inheritance doesn't always go to were it should.

OP, you and Prince Harry would get on great. You'd probably convince each other that you've practically grown up in a crack house in the ghetto.[/quote]
What on earth has Prince Harry got to do with this? what a spiteful and ignorant comment.

you earn £50,000 in.social care role. That’s a really good wage op

@Gemma2019, me too. After the shock , I think I would have good long think and work out some sort of balance between my own needs/wants and those of family.
I would find pleasure in their happiness.

If my parents had inherited a few million and only gifted me £20k I'd be disappointed. That's a life changing amount of money. I don't think OP's being grabby in questioning it now.

@malteasergeezer, because he's another one who boo hoos over his privileged life. Nothing spiteful or ignorant about it. The OP wasn't a dependant, she was an Adult. I have adult children who've madestupid choices, one of my DD's lives above her means (as many people between 25-35 do these days), while I'd help out, I wouldn't give money away to be potentially wasted.

What percentage of your income have you planned to give once your children are adults? Or eill you spend your money on you?

Likewise if it was a Lottery win, which I suspect it was and OP's saying inheritance to avoid being too outing.

My dad inherited a large property portfolio, sold up, gave up work and has lived on the money ever since. His parents worked extra hard for their money (they came from nothing) and sent him to private school (where he was sexually abused). It’s none of my business, what he has done with the money, he had an awful childhood. He hated being a landlord and the money has lasted a good 20 years. He is in his 80’s now and I am sure that the rest will be spent on care for him and my mum. He paid for his mum’s care from the rents before she died. I’m not expecting a single pound, they paid for my wedding dress and bought my son a cot when he was born, both lovely gestures but I don’t expect them to support me, I’ve always paid my own way as I believe everyone should! YABU OP.