Inheritance Shame

[Lockdownschmockdown]

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

They should've considered you more and you are not wrong to feel upset. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it but hope that they have a secret stash for you that they haven't told you about

Yes, because on top of her property portfolio and her fifty grand a year job and the million pound house she’ll inherit, she’s really in need of a secret stash,

Yabu. They gave you private school. I assume you had a great education. That is worth gold. And the house. I assume they will leave it to you? 20k$ is a lot of money. Be happy that your parents have lived an amazing life.

[quote TeenTitan007]@Lockdownschmockdown - I feel like most of the folks here have missed the point you are making.

This isn't about OP's private schooling or comfortable upbringing. It's purely about the win and how her parent's handled it.

If a couple were to win 2 Million pounds in a lottery, surely 20k is just 1%? That's peanuts. Most people would consider sharing a win so large with close family - at least their own children - that too adult!. And if not a big chunk at least 10%? Which would be £200k.
And even if they feel the person might waste it they'd put it in a trust or something.

Can't see how anyone here thinks that a 1% gift out of 2 million lottery win is 'generous'!

I am with you OP. This is sad and a bit selfish of your parents. They should've considered you more and you are not wrong to feel upset. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it but hope that they have a secret stash for you that they haven't told you about. [/quote]
It’s not all the OP is going to have though. She’s going to inherit their estate which includes a house worth a million quid.

Their generosity also allowed the OP to live in an extremely expensive flat, which in turn has allowed her to build a property portfolio. And to do a job she loves rather than having to stay with her stressful high earning city job.

They set her up very well, and she’s going to do very well when she inherits from them.

It’s completely disingenuous of the OP to bandy about “around 20k” compared to their 2 million rather than talking about what her parents allowed her to do.

She’s going to get far more than the 200k you’ve suggested

Even your second question I don't agree with OP.
Your an adult your parents have set you up already I'm not sure why you think their attitude is wrong. It's their life and sounds like they had a blast.
I would never expect to receive money from my parents as a adult regardless of how much they had or earned. Its their money to do as they wish.
I will set my child up but with money for a house deposit, this is what I see as being important and when he's a adult I would expect him to be financially independent, live within his means and enjoy life on what he has rather than concentrating on what he's not got which sounds like you might do a fair bit of.

But your a adult, instead of staying in a low paid job you like (which is afforded to you due to your parents gifting you such a huge deposit on a hone) get a better pod job and be more responsible for your actions!

You got a private education and are now a single mum in a low paid job, your life choices have lead to this. You should be making your own money, not pouring because you didn’t get theirs!

You sound very grabby!

@Hattych

OP, I understand where you are coming from. I wonder if there are other things in your relationship with your parents that make you feel unvalued?

Posters on here tend to think anything to do with inheritance is grabby or entitled. My FIL recently got £80k from his Mother which I know will never be passed on, and is basically just allowing him to never work. His selfishness annoys me. I can't imagine anyone in my situation cheering him on at the expense of their own children - anything we get will be only for DC.

You are being entitled. If FIL's mother wanted to give your DC money she would have left it for them. She left it to her child. It's his money and you shouldn't expect it. I don't understand why you would expect money that his mother left for him.

Well I had zero money from my parents for a deposit! 🤣
blimey you had a private education and money for a deposit on a house, plus you’ll probably inherit their house and whatever savings they have left. You want the moon on a stick!

@fireplaceburning

How lovely they could enjoy their money and set you up with a deposit on a house. Sorry you sound grabby to me

I agree. They gave you the best start in life with a good education and a house deposit. Your adult life choices were yours to make and you could have chosen different options if you wanted a lifestyle like theirs. It sounds like you expect everything just to be handed to you.

Also it should be noted that the OP’s posts about her income/wealth are repeatedly minimised -

Low income = 50k
Help to buy a one bed flat = that was considerably more expensive than even the London house average at the time
Struggling single parent = chose a lower paid job and has a property portfolio

Yet the parents were assumed to have inherited “several million”. Which then became two million, she assumes.
They’ve spent it all - except the million quid house that the OP is likely to inherit.

Can't see how anyone here thinks that a 1% gift out of 2 million lottery win is 'generous'!

IF the parents had 2 million to begin with, the OP also writes this,

I reckon they inherited several millions though and proportionally its not much.

So she doesn't actually know the amount involved, it's just a best guess which has lead to the assumption that the parents have managed the money badly and not considered her when in actual fact the sum may have been much smaller and they have managed it well. We simply don't know.

I swear some posters feel the only ethical and moral place for inheritance money is in their own pockets.

OP, I think they did give you your share. They paid for you to go to private school, which they probably saw as an investment so you could get a well-paid job in the future. And 20k for a deposit is not small.

Our generation does look on baffled at theirs - they seemed to waltz through life - my parents bought houses for a few grand that they sold for a few hundred grand three times. Our uni fees were paid by the state. They also retired at fifty and gave us nothing while they partied for thirty years then sold a house to pay for their care. That's how they were. I don't admire it and it has made me see them as fundamentally selfish and self-absorbed. We are not the same and we will treat our children differently but to be fair to your parents, they did give you an education and a house deposit first.

I've never read such a ridiculous question @Lockdownschmockdown

You have been beyond fortunate.

Private education, large family home, large deposit for a house given to you.

I have never had a penny from my parents other than birthday and Xmas gifts. They were too poor.

Your thinking seems upside down to me.
Your children will inherit your house in time.
You will inherit your parents, I assume.

Give that money to your kids if you so much want them to have something.

Also it should be noted that the OP’s posts about her income/wealth are repeatedly minimised -

This is my interpretation too. There is no mention of the children's father or any money he pays. I wonder if the children are also receiving a private education? Presumably not mentioned as it would not support the struggling, single parent on a low income narrative. The OP also had a higher paying job before having a family, high earning in your 20's would usually give you greater long term financial security.

Wow OP I have been on a bit of a rollercoaster with your posts here. At first i thought you were being grabby. Then you said the inheritance was millions (you did use the word inheritance) which did make me think you had a point, then it was more of a lottery win, now their house is worth a million which you will inherit. You've now revealed more about your own circumstances and it sounds like you are doing quite well.

This leads me back to you are being greedy and enititled. You have described 50k as a low paid salary and a 20k gifted deposit as if it was nothing. In the future you will inherit a house worth around a million. Sorry what more do you think you should be getting? I have none of these things but live comfortably and am grateful for what i have.

You are suggesting this is a moral question but IMO these details are important if such a question is to be considered from a moral point. If you were actually struggling then your parents may have felt the need to help you out more but why should they considering you earn a decent salary, have a property portfolio and have already set you up in your own home?

I bought a one bed flat in South London 1995 for £60k and sold it in 2000 for over £140k. It more than doubled in 5 years (same flat sold a couple of years ago for £500k), so I reckon the op is right about it being 20% of the price of a one bed flat 20 years ago. If I recall mortgage rates were about 7-8% at the time.

Still a good deposit though op.

Yes OP, if I came into a substantial amount of money now (forties) I would ensure that my children and potential grandchildren were financially secure. Just as my parents would do for me (and my siblings and all the grandchildren) if they inherited/won a lot of money.

I actually think if parents can help their dc out they should however you had a leg up by going to private school & they gave you 20k 25 yrs ago which is actually a very big amount for then & you must have property wealth from getting on the ladder 25 yrs ago. Plus I presume you will inherit more so I think YABU.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread. But tbh I'd be more worried about their situation. The value of a house doesn't go that far of either or both need long term flexible care. It sounds like they've been used to leading their lives just as they please and may be the type of people who want private live in care one day. The value of their house will mean they have to pay while they don't have any spare pennies beyond that. Tricky.
Modern medicine makes this a real possibility. I speak as someone whose dad has had live in care for a year now and it's £6000 a month which he and mum can pay for without selling their house.

13.5% of people in the UK pay higher rate tax which kicks in at £37.5k. You earn £50k. By no stretch of the imagine is that a lower salary.

Your parents have every right, legally and morally, to enjoy their money with no reference at all to anyone else. Luckily for you they did give you a helping hand in terms of an upbringing which saw you to a well paid job and a step onto the property ladder.
Count your blessings.

To be fair the OP prob didn't ask them to pay for private education so it's not really fair to throw that at her, folks (and I speak as someone who's opposed to it!)

I put YABU in the post however after reading your comments and that what they had was like a surprise windfall like a lottery win, I actually think it’s a bit mean to not at least set up one’s kids. Morally, if I won 2 million pounds, i’ll do much more for my kids and I’ll still keep working but in their shoes, if they want to spend everything, I’ll just personally still buy the house of £120k for my child rather than just give them a deposit. That way, I know they don’t have to worry about a mortgage and can work and save and be comfortable. And then they can at least fritter the rest whichever way they see fit.
If they end up needing care and their house has all gone on care costs, I definitely won’t be chipping anything in for sure as it’s honestly their problem for not saving some for their future

It just sounds like OP wanted to choose the "socially rewarding" career but have her parents top her income up to provide a lifestyle commensurate with a higher income.

OP, i agree wi5h others that think that ypur parents weren't mpre generous. Abouy 20 years ago i made 160k from an investment. I bought a 1% share in a start up that did incredibly well. I gave my brother 15k and 10k to my mother immediately, paid off his, my cousins and my student loans etc, paid for our wedding before buying a home. They have been odd to you

Greedy