Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance Shame

966 replies

Lockdownschmockdown · 04/03/2021 22:43

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lockdownschmockdown · 05/03/2021 00:34

Don’t mean to drip feed but my op was more of a moral question and now you’re all hung up on the exact figures of my life.
My current salary is slightly left of 50k by which I mean not well paid like a banker or lawyer, more like senior management of a social nature.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 05/03/2021 00:34

@Lockdownschmockdown

I am not sure of the house value. I would guess very roughly a million now but they will most likely be around for a good while yet so it’s not really relevant is it.

Again though, it’s not about the actual figures, I know I’m privileged and have mentioned several times I am grateful and I do not begrudge my parents anything. I just do not understand the way they think.

Finally you admit that in their eyes, you’re in for £1m from the windfall.

Life changing, no?

It’s not their fault that you think you’re owed it in your late 40s just like they got it. They weren’t to know they’d have the cheek to still be going strong in their 80s, were they?! 🙄

JustLyra · 05/03/2021 00:34

You obviously had a very well paying job to get a 100k mortgage 25 years ago. Or your deposit was considerably more than 20k.

sst1234 · 05/03/2021 00:35

To be fair to OP, she is being transparent and answering to all the replies. Many would have run. And at the end of the day she doesn’t have to agree with the majority here But keeps referring to the fact that parents will be around for a while so house value doesn’t matter, that doesn’t sound so good.

JustLyra · 05/03/2021 00:36

@Lockdownschmockdown

Don’t mean to drip feed but my op was more of a moral question and now you’re all hung up on the exact figures of my life. My current salary is slightly left of 50k by which I mean not well paid like a banker or lawyer, more like senior management of a social nature.
No-one is missing the moral question.

Should people who inherit 2million make sure their children are financially set up? Yes

Did your parents do that? Yes

The fact you can’t see that they did does not mean people misunderstand the question.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/03/2021 00:36

[quote ItsWrittenintheStars]@SleepingStandingUp or you can spend a million or two enjoying life and knowing that your kids will have the same opportunity? Help them invest it and grow it so their children may benefit too.[/quote]
They have a £1m house to pass on,are they to blame for not dying sooner so op can get it now? And I'm sure she'd rather they didn't. And they did help op, she has a property portfolio and chooses to work in a low paid job she loves. So that first property they helped her buy and the work ethic they instilled has clearly done wonders

LBXXX · 05/03/2021 00:37

I can’t believe you consider 50k a low paid job 😂😂😂😂

Cocomarine · 05/03/2021 00:37

🤣 you’re so funny!
You earn nearly £50K and describe it as a low paid job!

So, I already said I’d give according to need, and I asked where the need was when:

  • you owned a luxury flat with their help
  • you had benefit from at least £100K capital growth in housing
  • you had a property portfolio

I can now add to that list, when:

  • they know you’re in for £1m estate to inherit in really not too long a time
  • you earn above the national average wage, and at nearly £50K, quite considerably so
SleepingStandingUp · 05/03/2021 00:38

Op: my parents inherited millions and gave me just 20k. I'm in a low paid job as a single parent. Should they have helped more.

Edit: I earn around 50k and have a property portfolio and I'm in line to inherit a £1m+ house. How can they see me struggling and not do more?

JosieJarker · 05/03/2021 00:39

If someone wants to give me 25k id be more than grateful.
That is a life-changing sum even now, your investment must be worth 4 or 5 times that now.
Do you want an allowance?
You've not actually said what you want your parents to do.

JustLyra · 05/03/2021 00:39

@sst1234

To be fair to OP, she is being transparent and answering to all the replies. Many would have run. And at the end of the day she doesn’t have to agree with the majority here But keeps referring to the fact that parents will be around for a while so house value doesn’t matter, that doesn’t sound so good.
She hadn’t really. She hasn’t clarified why she said she’d never said it was an inheritance as it was a lottery type win when she literally said they inherited several million.

Or why she assumes it’s millions (which changed from several to two).

Or how she got a massive mortgage on a expensive property with low paid job

Or why she thinks her parents haven’t helped her when she has a property portfolio despite having a low paid job

JustLyra · 05/03/2021 00:40

A low paid salary at considerably more than the National average 😂

Cocomarine · 05/03/2021 00:40

@sst1234

To be fair to OP, she is being transparent and answering to all the replies. Many would have run. And at the end of the day she doesn’t have to agree with the majority here But keeps referring to the fact that parents will be around for a while so house value doesn’t matter, that doesn’t sound so good.
She hasn’t really though. She hasn’t explained the mystery flat that has a very odd price tag for 1996. She has explained how she raised a mortgage for £100K in the 90s. She hasn’t explained how she came to be able to invest in a property portfolio when she’s so hard done by.
Cocomarine · 05/03/2021 00:42

@SleepingStandingUp

Op: my parents inherited millions and gave me just 20k. I'm in a low paid job as a single parent. Should they have helped more.

Edit: I earn around 50k and have a property portfolio and I'm in line to inherit a £1m+ house. How can they see me struggling and not do more?

I wish there was a way to upvote that so that it appeared right under the first post 🤣
sst1234 · 05/03/2021 00:42

Come one now, that’s unfair, what do you want to know, her NI number. She has engaged with some very sharp posters. She has shared enough to paint a picture. One that would be right at home in Islington circles.

Ermidunno · 05/03/2021 00:43

@Lockdownschmockdown

Don’t mean to drip feed but my op was more of a moral question and now you’re all hung up on the exact figures of my life. My current salary is slightly left of 50k by which I mean not well paid like a banker or lawyer, more like senior management of a social nature.
Shaking head and leaving thread in disbelief of ignorance
Cuppaza · 05/03/2021 00:43

I was giving you the benefit of the doubt until you said they gave you £25k for house deposit.
Spoiled and grabby.

felineflutter · 05/03/2021 00:43

I do believe money inherited should be passed down and not squandered but hey I'm clearly in the minority.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/03/2021 00:44

I am not sure of the house value. I would guess very roughly a million now but they will most likely be around for a good while yet so it’s not really relevant is it.

Well it is very relevant, because they know that the property is essentially your inheritance...

And surely it's good news they will be around for a while. As the alternative is them passing away.

They're leaving you a property worth a million pounds, well more than that because it will likely increase in value the longer they are around.

If the vast majority of people believe your stance on this is not understandable and they understand your parents thinking on this then have you ever thought you might be the one behaving pretty badly?

JosieJarker · 05/03/2021 00:44

50k is a low paid job.
Dont make me laugh.
I earn 18k. Waitress. Single parent, not a hope in hell of getting on the property ladder even if my one living parent pops it god forbid.
If someone gave me 25k and paid me 50k a year I would be happy not feeling hard done by.
Your parents have failed you op, but not in the way you think.

IdblowJonSnow · 05/03/2021 00:44

50k isn't low paid for most of us OP.
Yes YABU in answer to your question!

Original poster
Lockdownschmockdown · 05/03/2021 00:47

So many assumptions!
I don’t want my parents to do anything except live as long and healthily as possible.
I was trying to explore this issue of the windfall.
I have been vague about the source of the wealth as I know exploring this is an emotive issue and I do not want out myself.
We don’t really speak about money so I have had to estimate most of the values.
I have not always been in this career. I switched from a higher paid one which was london centric and not compatible with family life.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 05/03/2021 00:47

@felineflutter

I do believe money inherited should be passed down and not squandered but hey I'm clearly in the minority.
It's really sad that you consider worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc. as squandering. They worked hard to put op through private school, own a large house and go abroad once a year in the 70s/80s when it was less standard by working hard. Why the hell shouldn't they enjoy their life by doing fun things and trying new experiences?
JosieJarker · 05/03/2021 00:48

Do you want a monthly allowance or what do you actually want them to do?
Above and beyond what theyve aleady done.

JustLyra · 05/03/2021 00:48

@sst1234

Come one now, that’s unfair, what do you want to know, her NI number. She has engaged with some very sharp posters. She has shared enough to paint a picture. One that would be right at home in Islington circles.
But she hasn’t engaged in any way that shows how her extremely privileged position is, as she claims, fuck all do do with her tight-was parents or how 50k from them would be “life-changing”