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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh left out of will.

244 replies

MummypigDaddypig · 04/03/2021 17:54

My Dh is feeling abit blue and sad.

He was really close to his grandad who sadly passed away in December. A few times within the last few years grandad has announced that Dh will be sorted once he dies and that he’s a “half a millionaire” he would joke, and that he’s refusing to
Leave money to MIL. His reason for not leaving money for MiL is because he bought her house and paid for her first wedding plus she left her second husband for someone else and he wasn’t happy. He told her and us that he had taken her out the will because “she had enough from Me” - his words. When mil was told his she went absolutely crazy, screaming down the
Phone at us etc saying her life is over.. She always said “when my dad dies, I will be sorted”.
Dh isn’t close to his mum at all and spent most of his childhood and teenage years with his grandad, he was the apple of his eye and so much so that Dh worked in the same industry, they spent many fond hours talking about work and mutual interests.

Today we found out that Dh isn’t named as a beneficiary. He is really shocked and upset. I feel so sad for him.
Obviously we completely know it’s his money to do as he wishes. But we would rather have nothing if it meant his mum didn’t get it. She’s not a very nice person.

He messaged her and said that he wasn’t in it etc and she just replied that “it’s dads money to do as he wishes”, I’m 100% sure she’s been left it all.

OP posts:
SquirtleSquad · 05/03/2021 09:54

Drip drip drip

yoyo1234 · 05/03/2021 09:54

I think people using inheritance to seemingly blackmail/control others is very distasteful. I think someone just saying the facts eg X and Y are executors and X and Y inherit ( and e.g. X and Y are the only children) is fine and just stating the point.

DrSbaitso · 05/03/2021 10:00

[quote Blueeyedgirl21]@DrSbaitso yes I don’t think that’s the main concern either you’re right. Seems like the grandad was concerned about it though, and I don’t think it’s massively problematic of him to not want money he has worked for to end up benefitting a family he has never met in a country he has no connection to[/quote]
He had the option to prevent it happening and didn't. He knew about MIL's toy boy.

yoyo1234 · 05/03/2021 10:00

When I get older I may just skip my DC (if they are settled financially) and split it all between GC ( if I have any). I would just do it and then say it ( not say it/dangle it as a carrot and not do it).

Original poster
MummypigDaddypig · 05/03/2021 10:02

@yoyo1234

When I get older I may just skip my DC (if they are settled financially) and split it all between GC ( if I have any). I would just do it and then say it ( not say it/dangle it as a carrot and not do it).
This is what we thought was going to happen and what he said would happen.
OP posts:
Needacushion · 05/03/2021 10:06

You can't just ring up a solicitor, give a name that isn't correct and expect the solicitor to give you information over the phone about somebody's will. That is ridiculous.

Now you have actually emailed, with correct information, your DH might be invited to provide proof of identity and speak to the solicitor in person. If the solicitor has relevant information to share.

That said though, I have seen shocking behaviour over wills and inheritance in my own family and in DH's family. It is surprising how people get away with it.

BorderlineHappy · 05/03/2021 10:10

Well to me it seems the ggd is the same as the MIL.Both not very nice people.
Obviously the apple didnt fall far from the tree.

Anyway op it seems grabbier to come on here and moan about what you didnt get. Nobody is entitled to other peoples money.Thats just the crux of it.

CharlotteRose90 · 05/03/2021 10:11

Your updates make you sound awful. I hope all of you are left with nothing and the money goes to charity.

Bluntness100 · 05/03/2021 10:13

Yeah I don’t think you’re coming across well anymore either. As said, it’s clear now that you desperately wanted the money snd this thread is about you, snd not you’re just sad for your husband.

Blacktothepink · 05/03/2021 10:16

You all sound very grabby and entitled 🤨

Rachie1973 · 05/03/2021 10:20

@MummypigDaddypig

This is what we thought was going to happen and what he said would happen.

Too much thinking. It would be unusual to disinherit a child. It’s not yours. It’s morally and legally hers until proven otherwise.

Rachie1973 · 05/03/2021 10:22

@Blacktothepink

You all sound very grabby and entitled 🤨
I’m not sure MIL does sound grabby and entitled though.

Inheriting from a parent is the natural order of things.

diddl · 05/03/2021 10:26

"Well to me it seems the ggd is the same as the MIL.Both not very nice people.
Obviously the apple didnt fall far from the tree."

It is sadly sounding that way.

Davros · 05/03/2021 10:30

This happened to me. It's really horrible and then you have to untangle whether it's the money, the hurt, both or how much of each. I found it very hard as it was left equally to my two sisters because my mother thought I was minted. She knew full well that we were really struggling financially and had been for some time, partly due to DH being diagnosed with Parkinson's.
Utterly heartless.
I had to struggle to deal with it and not destroy my relationship with one of my sisters in particular. It has been very hard but I think I did a good job of moving on. If I think about it now I still feel very hurt so I try not to think about it

LindaEllen · 05/03/2021 10:40

I had a similar situation with my uncle. He had no children so everything was left to his sister (my gran, who was very well off anyway). They got on fine, but I cared for him in his later years almost full time, so he said he was going to change his will so I would get everything. It would have amounted to about £200,000 plus a nice car which is a heck of a lot where I live, enough to buy a nice house outright with enough left over to have some savings, too.

He had booked an appointment to change his will, but had a heart attack and died a few days before the appointment.

Obviously everything then went to my gran. I didn't say anything, I didn't feel like I could.

The most frustrating thing about it is that my gran has never even touched any of it, she finds it upsetting as he died quite young (72 - so not THAT young but it's not an amazing age these days is it, and the rest of their siblings all lived into their 90s, he and my gran were the youngest by a considerable amount) so she couldn't face touching the money. She literally doesn't want it. But I cannot speak up as I might be accused of lying about saying he promised it to me, lying about him having an appointment, and my brother and mum would probably fall out with me.

I will admit that I've been struggling financially for a long long time, and this would have completely set me up and it's difficult to come to terms with the fact that it almost happened but not quite.

I also find it hard to find it hard haha. As I was so close to my uncle and I feel like it's selfish of me to be upset about this.

OverTheRainbow88 · 05/03/2021 10:51

My mum remarried when I was 13, she passed away and everything went to my step dad, he has no children. When he died everything went to his nieces and nephews .
It was quite painful as he was in my life for so long, never worked and most his wealth was my mums.

Sometimes life isn’t fair

needadvice54321 · 05/03/2021 10:57

Wow that's tough @OverTheRainbow88 Sad

MargaretThursday · 05/03/2021 10:59

So he didn't want it going to MIL because he didn't want her partner getting it, and you seem to think that's fair enough.
What if he didn't want to give it to the next generation because he didn't want their partners getting it?

OverTheRainbow88 · 05/03/2021 11:03

@needadvice54321

Yes it was tough, and I try hard not to think about it, as could drive myself mad as it was quite a lot of money and a property. And he didn’t tell me. The real kick in the teeth was all my childhood possessions were in the house which I didn’t get back as well as most my mums belongings; and my maternal grandparents. He outlived my mum by 4 years and in that time we included him in our life and invited him to all our family events.

Needacushion · 05/03/2021 11:06

I hope everybody reading this has made a will and has done it properly, had it witnessed and made sure it is accessible to executors and beneficiaries.
Also, be aware that a marriage invalidates any previous will.

FeedMeSantiago · 05/03/2021 11:31

@OverTheRainbow88 Flowers

Similar happened to my Dad. His mother left most of her money to his stepfather - who had been in his life since he was 5 - on the understanding he would split it equally between her children and their shared children. Both my grandmother and my (step)grandfather insisted they saw no difference between the two sets of children.

When grandfather died his estate was worth about £800k. He left my father a couple of grand, same amount to his other stepchildren.

He gave more to his biological children (around £50k to his favourite one, about £20k to his least favourite one). He left £20k to someone he had met a few months before he died and nothing to his long lasting friends, including some who had provided physical care to him for many years. Most he gave to charity.

Grandfather had also sold and given away my grandmother's family heirlooms which she had intended her children to have (she had written them a letter before him she died setting this out and that the estate would be split equally between them on grandfather's death). Some of those heirlooms came from my biological grandfather's family (my grandfather died young so they were left with grandmother to distribute as she saw fit). He didn't give a single one to any of the children.

We expected things to be bad in his will as grandfather had told my father that his will was designed to 'tear the family apart'. We didn't expect it to be as bad as it was though.

Sometimes people use their wills as a big 'fuck you' to those they leave behind.

DontTouchMyHairISwear · 05/03/2021 11:36

Ok partner. Where he is “ from” is not relevant

It is relevant. If MIL is a middle aged woman in the Uk and said catfisher "partner" is a young man living in Pakistan that she sends lots of money to.

rawalpindithelabrador · 05/03/2021 11:39

@MummypigDaddypig

I’m not sure if this is relevant and it’s outing but With mils second marriage she left her husband for a lot younger man from Pakistan and grandad was worried that “his hard earned money was going to end up in Pakistan”.

She seems to spend a lot of money on this young man.

Not at all relevant. He left her the money. That's it. You're going to have to get your heads round it and move on.
Sapho47 · 05/03/2021 11:39

Might be he said all these things but never actually did them

Bluntness100 · 05/03/2021 11:47

@DontTouchMyHairISwear

Ok partner. Where he is “ from” is not relevant

It is relevant. If MIL is a middle aged woman in the Uk and said catfisher "partner" is a young man living in Pakistan that she sends lots of money to.

It’s not relevant. She’s a grown woman. It’s her money and her choice to do with it as she pleases. And she can have a relationship with who she pleases. It is not the ops place to police that, or pass judgment, and it’s totally and utterly irrelevant to the fact she inherited from her father.