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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh left out of will.

244 replies

MummypigDaddypig · 04/03/2021 17:54

My Dh is feeling abit blue and sad.

He was really close to his grandad who sadly passed away in December. A few times within the last few years grandad has announced that Dh will be sorted once he dies and that he’s a “half a millionaire” he would joke, and that he’s refusing to
Leave money to MIL. His reason for not leaving money for MiL is because he bought her house and paid for her first wedding plus she left her second husband for someone else and he wasn’t happy. He told her and us that he had taken her out the will because “she had enough from Me” - his words. When mil was told his she went absolutely crazy, screaming down the
Phone at us etc saying her life is over.. She always said “when my dad dies, I will be sorted”.
Dh isn’t close to his mum at all and spent most of his childhood and teenage years with his grandad, he was the apple of his eye and so much so that Dh worked in the same industry, they spent many fond hours talking about work and mutual interests.

Today we found out that Dh isn’t named as a beneficiary. He is really shocked and upset. I feel so sad for him.
Obviously we completely know it’s his money to do as he wishes. But we would rather have nothing if it meant his mum didn’t get it. She’s not a very nice person.

He messaged her and said that he wasn’t in it etc and she just replied that “it’s dads money to do as he wishes”, I’m 100% sure she’s been left it all.

OP posts:
chiangmai · 05/03/2021 19:12

your upset that a father may have left his daughter his money in his will and not his grandson. If you strip out the dynamics she is still his DD. Sounds like you and hubby got excited at inheriting his money and didnt seem to blink an eye that would mean he would exclude his own DD/ DH mother. My grandfather was estranged from two of his adult DC and they still inherited the same as the one he had a relationship with.

anamazingfind · 05/03/2021 19:33

I'm sure what is hurting is the total lack of acknowledgement of the relationship your DH had with his grandad. Its a slap in the face to be completely ignored, even if it had been to just give something of sentimental value.

My family member has just had a similar thing happen, and I know how devastated he is.

Okbussitout · 05/03/2021 20:10

This is quite sad. Sorry for you and your dh op. It really doesn't seem like it's about the money for him. I feel like if your dh was that bothered about the money he would have talked to his grandad before he died.

It's sad he can't have anything belonging to his grandad. Is there a chance his mum would let him take anything like a medal or is their relationship bad?

Disfordarkchocolate · 06/03/2021 09:58

I'd be upset too if I was your husband. It's not just the money buy its having to reevaluate the relationship he had with his grandfather. He thought they were close, now he knows is grandfather was capable of lying to him for years.

Original poster
MummypigDaddypig · 06/03/2021 13:27

@Disfordarkchocolate

I'd be upset too if I was your husband. It's not just the money buy its having to reevaluate the relationship he had with his grandfather. He thought they were close, now he knows is grandfather was capable of lying to him for years.
I think that’s why he’s upset. He’s gone for a long walk today to clear his head.
OP posts:
rawalpindithelabrador · 06/03/2021 13:32

@Disfordarkchocolate

I'd be upset too if I was your husband. It's not just the money buy its having to reevaluate the relationship he had with his grandfather. He thought they were close, now he knows is grandfather was capable of lying to him for years.
Yeah, that's hurtful. I found out my mother and sister were only putting on a front whilst my father was alive. Don't care about the money, we don't need it and always knew there was none forthcoming, but the fact they just cut me and my kids out the second they realised their guilt trip wasn't going to work on me anymore.
TheKeatingFive · 06/03/2021 13:47

I haven’t RTFT.

But I always think on threads like this, that people would do well not to put too much store on vague promises about what’s coming to them in wills. Talk is cheap. Things change.

More out of self protection than anything else.

averythinline · 06/03/2021 13:49

Why do you have anything to do with her if she's that awful...
Maybe you/dh should look at the stately homes threads ...you really don't have to stay in contact with people just because you're related...
I can feel your dh sadness in your posts....but maybe it can help him move on from the toxic relationship with his mum

Original poster
MummypigDaddypig · 06/03/2021 14:12

@averythinline

Why do you have anything to do with her if she's that awful... Maybe you/dh should look at the stately homes threads ...you really don't have to stay in contact with people just because you're related... I can feel your dh sadness in your posts....but maybe it can help him move on from the toxic relationship with his mum
Tbh I think that’s what we need to do. She has literally zero bond with her granddaughter too so it makes no difference really. She actually came to our window once last year and dd asked who she was.

She lives near us and drives past our house for work every day. We’ve tried inviting her to do things with us etc but it’s just awkward when she’s round, like you can’t have a conversation with her as she just sits on her phone all the time.

The last time she was round she rang about selling grandads shares! She was talking on loud speaker going on about how much they are worth etc. It’a just so awkward.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummypigDaddypig · 06/03/2021 14:13

I think both of us just keep holding on to the “she will change and be a fab mum/grandma” but she doesn’t.

She goes on and on about how old she is and that she can’t do much with dd, (she never has, never looked after her on her own etc) she’s 51.

OP posts:
RootyT00t · 06/03/2021 14:14

Sounds to me he's left nothing to anyone.

WeatherwaxLives · 06/03/2021 14:50

I wonder if he wrote the will when his estate was worth say 550k. And he left 50k to his DD and 'the remainder' to DH, but care has eaten it up and now it's worth =/

Original poster
MummypigDaddypig · 06/03/2021 15:21

He said he had £500k before they sold his house for £300k and care took £200k

Although mil told him she sold his house for £30k and he believed her so 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Backtoschool101 · 06/03/2021 15:27

If you order a copy of the will on thr link on the first page, will anyone be notified that someone requested a copy. Might be a stupid question

Original poster
MummypigDaddypig · 06/03/2021 15:31

It’s not on there yet x

OP posts:
Backtoschool101 · 06/03/2021 15:35

Sorry im asking because i had a similar issue with my grandparents. I was their carer and he told me i was in the will. But after they died my mum said i wasnt. Fair enough. But before my nan passed away after my grandad she had access to her accounts and was bragging she took 20k as ery inheritence. My nan had dementia so definitley didnt agree to it. Just wanted to see if there was some truth to it as i assumed the rest of the money was taking by care home fees as for the last 6 months i couldnt care for her anymore as she was a bloody escape artist!

Backtoschool101 · 06/03/2021 15:35

Early inheritance. **

Spodge · 06/03/2021 17:39

@Backtoschool101

If you order a copy of the will on thr link on the first page, will anyone be notified that someone requested a copy. Might be a stupid question
Once a will is probated it becomes a public document and anyone can obtain a copy. Nobody will be informed.
Backtoschool101 · 06/03/2021 18:35

Thank you!

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