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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just go with it and seem grateful

252 replies

Dogatemyporridge · 04/03/2021 09:08

Dh’s birthday today. Due to lockdown, tried my best to make it special. Baked a four sponge cake with the treats he liked, ordered big present all wrapped with balloons, toddler and I made a special packed work for lunch including party things like popcorn, marshmallows, chocolate..alongside normal sandwiches etc. All pretty silly stuff. Cue this morning, face pulling about how he’s going to take a cake that size to work (they usually take a cake to work at his workplace to share out)
Next trying to take things out of his lunch back as he’s not ‘Taking things like popcorn’ for his lunch...I ended up saying ‘Well, just put them in the bin then, just take them’ 🤷🏻‍♀️
Telling Dd to constantly ‘Calm down’ as she’s jumping around excited scout them balloons, cake etc.
Ordered a nice dinner delivery tonight of his favourite burgers (nice restaurant with steak/Angus burgers etc)
Aibu to think he could’ve just been (or at least pretended to be) a bit happier and well, more grateful 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
mycatisgivingyouthefinger · 04/03/2021 10:28

@honeylulu

What a miserable toad, not humouring a small child's excited efforts.

And taking away the cake that you'd put the effort into and that he'd moaned about .... !!!

Is he someone always grumpy in the morning or something?

Rude. If the ages were different I worked think you were married to my dad lol.

It's nasty and wrong all round but even more so during lockdown. Poor wee tyke was excited to do something lovely for dad at a time when there's no much excitement to be had.

Original poster
Dogatemyporridge · 04/03/2021 10:34

@SakuraEdenSwan1 It was 3 balloons tied together with Christmas string 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️Hardly a huge display but bit of fun as it’s his birthday! Does no one have fun/celebrate their birthday. He can’t do anything with the balloons, can any of us? They’re currently being thrown around and played with by Dd, who can do something with them.

OP posts:
BrownFootStool · 04/03/2021 10:35

No way, he was ungrateful and rude. Even if he didn't want so-called 'childish' food in his lunch, there is no excuse. Who made him that effing lunch? You did. Ungrateful twit.

GladysTheGroovyMule · 04/03/2021 10:45

He’s being a bit of a dick and it wouldn’t have done him any harm to plaster a big cheesy smile on his face and thank his small child for being so lovely and thoughtful. It’s what you do when you have children 🤷‍♀️ It’s leading by example.

GladysTheGroovyMule · 04/03/2021 10:49

[quote Dogatemyporridge]@SakuraEdenSwan1 It was 3 balloons tied together with Christmas string 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️Hardly a huge display but bit of fun as it’s his birthday! Does no one have fun/celebrate their birthday. He can’t do anything with the balloons, can any of us? They’re currently being thrown around and played with by Dd, who can do something with them.[/quote]
I blow up balloons for whoever’s birthday it is including adults, most children love them and it amuses them. Everyone gets a birthday cake too, gets sang happy birthday to and blows out their candles. I don’t make a big lavish fuss but it would be really shit to not acknowledge it at all.

Some people on mumsnet can be a bit uptight and weird about adults celebrating their birthdays in any way at all for some reason. Sod that it’s an excellent excuse for cake and a nice dinner.

MizMoonshine · 04/03/2021 11:01

Can't see why he's being a little bitch tbh.
But my DP is essentially a 6'11" toddler. He'd love having a lunch box full of sweeties and would probably spend every break saying thank you.
And that cake sounds cool. I would have portioned it up for him if he was moaning about being able to get it to work.
Enjoy your burgers and maybe bake another cake with DD today for a bit of fun while the grumpy bastard is in work. Have yourselves a celebration for his birthday.

Saz12 · 04/03/2021 11:02

He’s a grump. Why can’t your wee girl make a bit of fun for her Daddy and enjoy doing it?

Original poster
Dogatemyporridge · 04/03/2021 11:09

@GladysTheGroovyMule Exactly! We’ve always done a cake and candles and singing, since I was a child and as adults my family do it, had no idea it was so strange 🙈
I do the balloons now too and added extras, just because, well, I’m like that and enjoy doing it and heaven forbid, making a bit of a celebration 🤣

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/03/2021 11:19

I often think women expend a lot of thought and energy doing stuff for men that they themselves would appreciate, but men don't actually want or care about. Then the woman is disappointed by his response (and he should make an effort to seem pleased imo) and says "I got balloons and I baked a beautiful cake and I decorated the house because I wanted to pamper him" when the truth is he would have been happier with a bacon sandwich for breakfast, and sex that night.

It's like if your husband bought you running shoes so you can share his love of running, but you have no interest in running. Or built you a tool shed you didn't want. It's more about the giver than the recipient, and the lack of true understanding is a bit depressing.

Everyone should still be polite though.

Original poster
Dogatemyporridge · 04/03/2021 11:29

@TheYearOfSmallThings I don’t see it as that at all though, wouldn’t everyone appreciate a nice cake and a song with their family? His present is very much something for him and his hobby and something I knew he’d love and a big burger dinner is something I knew he’d love 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 04/03/2021 11:38

I didn’t actually know he wanted to take the cake to work..I wanted some

Well that’s just not true because you put this in your OP:

they usually take a cake to work at his workplace to share out)

You’ve embarrassed him by treating him like a child and causing a fuss because he has to go to work; the fuss is better after the stress of work.

You made this all about your toddler - they wanted to stuff dad’s bag, they wanted to do this, they wanted to do that - and you shouldn’t have. It’s not their birthday, it’s your DH’s, and it should be about what he’d have liked and wanted.

billy1966 · 04/03/2021 11:42

You sound lovely.

He sounds grumpy and ungrateful.

He does the least can for yours.

Pull back OP.

Save yourself the effort next time.Flowers

Original poster
Dogatemyporridge · 04/03/2021 11:42

@emilyfrost At his OLD work place, this was the tradition for years, he’s been here 8 months, I wasn’t sure about it. If I would have known for sure I’d have got a shop bought one for work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dogatemyporridge · 04/03/2021 11:45

@emilyfrost The majority WAS about him-a lovely, thoughtful and unexpected present for his hobby, nothing to do with us. His type of dinner ordered, his favourite chocolates and type of cake..the balloons and sweets as a thought from his daughter..really?! It’s all about her? It isn’t, we’re a family, she enjoyed being involved and I actively wanted her involved in it and feel it’s important, and just nice really!

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/03/2021 11:47

I don’t see it as that at all though, wouldn’t everyone appreciate a nice cake and a song with their family?
No not everyone does like this, some people like different things, some like a fuss others don't. Neither is right or wrong, you go with what the birthday person likes.

emilyfrost · 04/03/2021 11:47

[quote Dogatemyporridge]@emilyfrost At his OLD work place, this was the tradition for years, he’s been here 8 months, I wasn’t sure about it. If I would have known for sure I’d have got a shop bought one for work.[/quote]
Well then why did you say they usually do if you don’t actually know Confused

I stand by what I said. You’re trying to make his birthday all about what you and your toddler want to do, and what your family has always done, rather than what he wants on his birthday.

clpsmum · 04/03/2021 11:49

I can see both sides tbh but I would've told him to buy a cake on the way to work to take in and he could've just left the marshmallows and popcorn he didn't have to be so rude about people making an effort for his birthday ffs

cakeallday · 04/03/2021 11:53

When someone makes the effort to give me something or do something for my birthday (especially a child), I say thank you and smile even if I don't like it. If I want to throw it away I do so quietly when no one's looking. Rebuffing someone's kind thoughts can be very hurtful and stick with them for a long time. Not sure why adults would do this over a present or some snacks Hmm

You've done nothing wrong @Dogatemyporridge

fuckenay · 04/03/2021 11:53

I stand by what I said. You’re trying to make his birthday all about what you and your toddler want to do, and what your family has always done, rather than what he wants on his birthday.

Oh rubbish she is not. She hasn't even said if he wanted something in particular done that she didn't do. She bought him presents and desserts and got their toddler involved. He should be so lucky.

StressedTired · 04/03/2021 11:54

[quote Dogatemyporridge]**@MyLittleOrangutan* @Anoisagusaris* No I did cut a piece for her first 🤣I’m assuming he may bring it back as there’s only four of them there and it’s a beast of a cake..![/quote]
You made a cake, he's taking it to his workplace to share around, then he's bringing it back home for you all to eat? Yikes, germ spreading. I wouldn't want to eat a cake that had been transported twice and sat around in a workplace.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 04/03/2021 11:57

OP half the posters on mumsnet have a real need to suck the joy out of everything. I'm amazed to read someone saying they would be annoyed if someone made them a nice lunch.

For us we are keen to look at the meaning behind actions. DP wouldn't eat popcorn or chocolate for lunch but he would love the thought of it and it would genuinely make him happy that he was being celebrated. Plus anything from the dc whether its our taste or not is appreciated because its the thought behind it (you'd have to be a Tully nasty person to get narky that the thought wasn't what you wanted...from a child...or a partner that was trying to make lockdown birthday effort).

Its the same as me , I don't eat sugar or most chocolate but every year the dc gp with dp or exdh and pick something out for me....which is almost always chocolate or treat related. I rave about it and cuddle them and say thank you (and quietly pass it to dp ).

Perhaps he was stressed or worried about something but honestly that behaviour would recieev a dim viewing in our house form everybody. Dp would pull me up for being an entitled asshat if I behaved like it as I would to him. Hell even the 5 year old understands we appreciate the thought and meaning behind gestures and gifts.

Loopyloututu2 · 04/03/2021 12:05

Is he usually a grumpy twat? Does he hate birthdays? (I always get a bit grumpy on my birthday - but dh has never bought me a cake and I’d be thrilled to get one)

BrumBoo · 04/03/2021 12:06

I stand by what I said. You’re trying to make his birthday all about what you and your toddler want to do, and what your family has always done, rather than whathewants onhisbirthday.

Hes a grown-ass man. It is lovely to make an effort for the person (and he evidently got a very personal and well thought out gift), but once you're an adult, especially with little children, if you play the foot-stompy 'it's MY birthday' line you're going to look like an arsehole. Of course a small child was excited to do what small children think birthdays are about, any good parent would play along with this rather than act like a toddler themselves just because it's their 'super special day'.

Original poster
Dogatemyporridge · 04/03/2021 12:10

@StressedTired That’s actually a valid point, hadn’t even thought of that. I’m going to text to keep it at his workplace.

Ffs, now even more pissed off that I should have cut a quarter of it for us to keep here to eat at home-shit day this is turning out to be!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dogatemyporridge · 04/03/2021 12:11

@emilyfrost Oh give over, not true at all.

OP posts:
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