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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just go with it and seem grateful

252 replies

Dogatemyporridge · 04/03/2021 09:08

Dh’s birthday today. Due to lockdown, tried my best to make it special. Baked a four sponge cake with the treats he liked, ordered big present all wrapped with balloons, toddler and I made a special packed work for lunch including party things like popcorn, marshmallows, chocolate..alongside normal sandwiches etc. All pretty silly stuff. Cue this morning, face pulling about how he’s going to take a cake that size to work (they usually take a cake to work at his workplace to share out)
Next trying to take things out of his lunch back as he’s not ‘Taking things like popcorn’ for his lunch...I ended up saying ‘Well, just put them in the bin then, just take them’ 🤷🏻‍♀️
Telling Dd to constantly ‘Calm down’ as she’s jumping around excited scout them balloons, cake etc.
Ordered a nice dinner delivery tonight of his favourite burgers (nice restaurant with steak/Angus burgers etc)
Aibu to think he could’ve just been (or at least pretended to be) a bit happier and well, more grateful 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Dogatemyporridge · 04/03/2021 09:36

@DumplingsAndStew A typical birthday is pretty similar 🤷🏻‍♀️Aside from we’d likely go out or go away if it wasn’t lockdown.

The present was pretty special and something I can tell he’s wanted for a while..he ‘Did’ seem chuffed with that at least.

OP posts:
GoldenOmber · 04/03/2021 09:38

[quote Dogatemyporridge]@NekonessThe added stuff in his lunch box was what our toddler wanted to put in to make it ‘like a party’ 🤷🏻‍♀️We had the bits in already from a movie night and she wanted to add them, I mean, he could’ve thrown them on the way to work.[/quote]
In that case YANBU, he's being an absolute arse.

Stirmecrazy · 04/03/2021 09:40

Hopefully DH will come home in a better mood and you can enjoy the rest of the day. I must admit I am not a morning person so all the fuss on a morning would have thrown me so he might be the same.
But I am with you in he should have made some effort in pretending to appreciate you and DD’s effort.

Eviethyme · 04/03/2021 09:41

I would be angry at him at the end of the day its better than nothing isn't it? And he should have made more of an effort for your child.

He didn't Have to eat them in fact why doesn't he make his own flecking lunch then.

A simple smile and thank you would have sufficed

HighlandCowbag · 04/03/2021 09:44

I don't get carting the cake in tbh? Just cut 4 generous slices surely and wrap in a Frozen themed serviette? For authenticity.

He's a mardy arse, I would cancel the burgers and just have beans on toast or something.

mycatisgivingyouthefinger · 04/03/2021 09:47

He sounds like a miserable sod. When I was little my mum and I would do things like this for my dad's birthday and he was always sweet and silly about it. And on Mother's Day my dad would take me to pick daffodils in the park for my mother. She'd make such a show of putting them in a vase.

He sounds like a petulant child. I couldn't be with someone who reacted so miserably.

LagneyandCasey · 04/03/2021 09:48

We don't make a fuss of birthdays in the mornings if it falls on a work day. It's too stressful. We do it after work.

This goes for the dc on school days as well. They get a special breakfast and choose one present to open, but but the bulk of presents are done after school. There's too much risk of over excitement.

I hope you get some cake back! I'd be annoyed if I made my dh a cake and he fucked off to work with it. If he has to take cake in on his Birthday that's for him to organise surely?

Aprilx · 04/03/2021 09:51

I think you made it all about you and the toddler having some fun and his birthday barely came into it. I am with him.

Stoppissingonmyheather · 04/03/2021 09:51

He's being a misery guts and should be grateful and happy someone actually bothers to recognise its a special day he should also be touched that your child is excited for him and join in the fun whether he likes his lunch or not boring old fart

Purplewithred · 04/03/2021 09:53

I think he's being a miserable tosser, frankly.

Original poster
Dogatemyporridge · 04/03/2021 09:53

@LagneyandCasey I didn’t think he was taking any in 🤷🏻‍♀️At his old workplace he used to buy a small one and a cheap bottle of Asti from the supermarket as they all did this. We’d then have a normal family one I’d bought or made at home, so I was a bit surprised he was even taking it in. I hope he brings it back! 🙈

OP posts:
LadyRenoir · 04/03/2021 09:56

@Aprilx

I think you made it all about you and the toddler having some fun and his birthday barely came into it. I am with him.
And what's wrong with that anyway, he's an adult, edgy not let the kid have some fun as well?
Original poster
Dogatemyporridge · 04/03/2021 09:57

@Aprilx How so? The cake is topped with his favourite chocolates, the present was a surprise and something I knew he’d really love and not expect. The dinner has been pretty arranged and ordered by me for when he gets home and is his favourite type of takeout, not mine or Dd. Dd and I made a huge card for him and put up balloons as that’s normal birthday stuff to me 🤷🏻‍♀️Dd having her input was important as is showing her to be kind and think of others and also nice to see someone she loves be happy and celebrated..surely?!

Should I have ordered a loaf of beer, pizza and strippers on tap

OP posts:
YeahYeahThatsMoi · 04/03/2021 09:57

Some men just don't appreciate these things. 🤦‍♀️ but I think you did a lovely thing and its exactly what id do! Hes a party pooper haha

MyLittleOrangutan · 04/03/2021 09:59

God I'll be so mad for you if he doesn't bring that cake back! DH would never dream of depriving me of cake 😂

Ikora · 04/03/2021 10:00

I would have loved how thoughtful you had been and especially as a small child was obviously so very happy about it all. Some people are just ungrateful.

LaceyBetty · 04/03/2021 10:04

I'm surprised at some of the first responses. He has a young child and this was obviously quite a bit for the child's benefit. I make sure I wake up early on my own birthday if I have to go to work because I know the kids have planned something embarrassing.

LaceyBetty · 04/03/2021 10:06

And how dare he criticise the size of the cake that YOU BAKED?! I would be really angry actually.

Nekoness · 04/03/2021 10:07

Ok, you didn’t say it was from your toddler. But as the adult, you could have redirected that... he’s not allowed to eat party food at work/there’s not enough to share the treats and it would make others feel sad/etc ...but why don’t you make him a special treats bag for his car journey so he can munch on your treats driving home?

You say he could’ve just thrown it out but so get the impression if he told you he chucked it in the bin as soon as he could, you would have found that quite hurtful too.

mycatisgivingyouthefinger · 04/03/2021 10:08

@Nekoness

Ok, you didn’t say it was from your toddler. But as the adult, you could have redirected that... he’s not allowed to eat party food at work/there’s not enough to share the treats and it would make others feel sad/etc ...but why don’t you make him a special treats bag for his car journey so he can munch on your treats driving home?

You say he could’ve just thrown it out but so get the impression if he told you he chucked it in the bin as soon as he could, you would have found that quite hurtful too.

Nah. OP's husband should have acted like an adult and not a spoilt child.

LaceyBetty · 04/03/2021 10:10

But as the adult, you could have redirected that... he’s not allowed to eat party food at work/there’s not enough to share the treats and it would make others feel sad/etc

I am struggling to imagine a workplace where anyone would bat an eye if a father brought in popcorn or marshmallows or gummies from his child on his birthday. Who is even inspecting his lunch to notice? It wouldn't cross my mind to think I should "redirect" in this instance.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 04/03/2021 10:11

To be fair what is he going to do with them? I see Celbs showing off on Instagram with big balloon displays and I just do not get why an adult needs them? Kids absolutely but I'm probably with your husband on this, however thank you does not cost anything and I can understand how you feel.

FinallyFluid · 04/03/2021 10:13

You are being a great role model for your toddler.

honeylulu · 04/03/2021 10:23

What a miserable toad, not humouring a small child's excited efforts.

And taking away the cake that you'd put the effort into and that he'd moaned about .... !!!

Is he someone always grumpy in the morning or something?

Rude. If the ages were different I worked think you were married to my dad lol.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/03/2021 10:26

I think he could have been more excited for your toddler’s sake! You should “slap down”
An excited toddler even if it is your birthday.