To be put off dating a man who doesn’t drive

[TrunkintheJunk]

Recently started online dating. Been talking to someone who seems really nice. We’re arranging to go for a walk somewhere next week.
Thing is, he doesn’t drive. He’s 39 but just ‘never got around to learning’.
Am I a dick for being put off by this??

@Bumblebee1980a

It would put me off.

I think it's weird when adults don't drive.

I think it's bonkers people assume everyone has the same life experience and need the same skills. I drive but know plenty people who don't. Just comes across as really narrow minded.

YABU. Neither my husband or I drive

I live in London so no it wouldn’t put me off . Everywhere is easy ( and faster ) to get to by public transport. But if l lived somewhere more rural then l’d soon get fed up always driving .

It would be a dealbreaker for me. I would find a man who could never be arsed to learn to drive, really unattractive and unappealing ...

If he COULDN'T drive for health reasons, I would still be a bit reluctant to get serious, as I would NOT be the designated driver for everything; like when we get married, and have kids etc...

I have had to be the family driver three times before (for 2-4 months,) when DH was unable to drive because of an op/procedure in hospital, and I hated it. Definitely better to share the driving.

@speakout

As functioning adults unless we walk everywhere we need transport. If you live in a city and can walk everywhere and have good public transport links to work then not so much need for a car youself. If you are a couple with no kids and live near school/ work, again not so much need, but then food becomes heavy, so you perhaps have to rely on deliveries or shop often/use taxis. My ex prided himself on not being able to drive-we lived in the city, and he cycled to work. But as a car owner and driver it really pissed me off.

Trip to a restaurant for an evening meal- me to drive
Sick dog to the vet- me to drive.
Bulky groceries- me to drive.
Lifts for friends- me to drive.
Small items of furniture, Ikea type stuff- me to drive.
Need to get somewhere quickly or an emergency- me to drive.
UK holiday- me to drive.
Nip down for a takeaway- me to drive.

Ex for a good reason.

All of this. ^

Add onto this being the one driving the kids around to every hobby club, extra curricular activity, and every friend's house, and also every dance lesson, sports activity, kids party, clinic/ doctors/ dentist/ hospital appointment, and parents evening.

You either have to hang about for 2-3 hours while they're there, or drop them off, drive back home, hang around for 2 hours, and then drive back to get them. Half your free time is spent running the kids about (and running other errands,) if your partner doesn't drive...

Same with visiting relatives - yours AND his, and going out for takeaways, going on day trips, having to go to hospital appointments, having to fetch your DP from work if they miss their bus,...... There are loads of examples...

Part of the problem here is that we've built a society so car centric that people don't live near the things they need to get to, work\school\shops\clubs etc..

*All of this. ^

Add onto this being the one driving the kids around to every hobby club, extra curricular activity, and every friend's house, and also every dance lesson, sports activity, kids party, clinic/ doctors/ dentist/ hospital appointment, and parents evening.

You either have to hang about for 2-3 hours while they're there, or drop them off, drive back home, hang around for 2 hours, and then drive back to get them. Half your free time is spent running the kids about (and running other errands,) if your partner doesn't drive...

Same with visiting relatives - yours AND his, and going out for takeaways, going on day trips, having to go to hospital appointments, having to fetch your DP from work if they miss their bus,...... There are loads of examples...
*

I am with you.

Luckily my ex didn't become the father of my children. I can only imagine the load that would have brought.

Driving is a life skill.

Him not being arsed to learn such a skill is telling you a lot about him.

Why bother.
You'll be his PA in no time🙄

@loveisanopensore

Part of the problem here is that we've built a society so car centric that people don't live near the things they need to get to, work\school\shops\clubs etc..

I kind of see it as the modern day equivalent of not being able to ride a horse or drive a horse and cart/carriage/trap.

At that age, yes I wouldn't date him. I live quite rurally so wouldn't work for me

My ex didn’t drive and it was a huge issue in the end. I ended up really resenting him, particularly when he still expected lifts to and from work after I had a baby, was on mat leave and up all night. I absolutely wouldn’t consider someone who didn’t drive now, it’d be a massive turn off for me.

I would be put off, but not to the extent of not going out with him. You need to find out his reasons, which could be perfectly valid.
Perhaps his eyesight is not good enough, is one of many good reasons. Been involved in a bad car accident? I dont know, but there are any number of reasons.

Ah, now I see "he never got around to it". But again, there could be valid reasons.

My best friend doesn't drive and it's a royal PITA. I feel sorry for her boyfriend as he's constantly ferrying her around, or if I meet her somewhere it's always "ooh can you drop me home please". And I know the MN army will just say - "tell her to get a taxi" but I'm not an arsehole and I'm not gonna turn around every single time we go for lunch and find some non excuse to not take her home.

But at the same time, I resent it. Because she's got no reason not to drive. She took a few lessons then couldn't be asked so never bothered going back. Good job, plenty of money to pay for lessons and a car - just sheer lack of motivation. Annoying and lazy.

No it would not put me off. I don't drive myself and my to exes didn't. My Fiance does drive and its really great but it can make you lazy.

It wouldn't bother me

I only finally passed my test because my autistic son couldn't handle public transport

It would put me off. I'd also be a bit put off that he doesn't have his own home.

It would mean that the things I feel are important are not things that are so important to him. It wouldn't seem like a good or equal match.

Yep would put me off and has done in the past. I dated someone who had the same attitude 'not got round to it'. He lived 2 hours away so I was the one constantly travelling back and forth which irritated me so much.

For me it's the 'can't be bothered' attitude. Maybe I should give more slack but since I was young I always wanted to pass my test as I craved the independence, I can't understand people who don't feel the same.

Non driver living with family member, doing online dating - I want some of that chutzpah.

If I couldn't drive I'd set up my life so it wasn't a problem - live near good transport, avoid hobbies that require getting to obscure sports centres early on Sunday mornings, work in a field that didn't need driving. I'd respect someone (and have considered dating) who had their life sorted around their circumstances.

I happen to like rural life more than city life, so would question whether someone tied to urban transport links would be compatible with my life plans...

@SmallPrawnEnergy

Some people have never been privileged enough to have the money to pay for driving lessons never mind a car. It’s really not surprising to see poverty as a turn off, and how many women would write off a man just for not driving. But then the same women will complain that there are no nice men out there

Yep. What a sad, shallow thread.

I don't drive. Mid twenties. Came from a low income, single parent family. Went straight into studying in a huge city at 18. Never could have afforded to learn before that, and I'm still saving up now. Thank goodness my wonderful DP doesn't see me as a useless, burden with no ambition. We're equals.

I know I shouldn't be put off by it but in all honesty I would be

@speakout

*All of this. ^

Add onto this being the one driving the kids around to every hobby club, extra curricular activity, and every friend's house, and also every dance lesson, sports activity, kids party, clinic/ doctors/ dentist/ hospital appointment, and parents evening.

You either have to hang about for 2-3 hours while they're there, or drop them off, drive back home, hang around for 2 hours, and then drive back to get them. Half your free time is spent running the kids about (and running other errands,) if your partner doesn't drive...

Same with visiting relatives - yours AND his, and going out for takeaways, going on day trips, having to go to hospital appointments, having to fetch your DP from work if they miss their bus,...... There are loads of examples...
*

I am with you.

Luckily my ex didn't become the father of my children. I can only imagine the load that would have brought.

I'm a single parent, can't drive and I do all of that without a car.

For me it's on a same line as judging someone based on their job.

If it's an important skill for you OP then don't date a non-driver. No reason to overthink it.