To be put off dating a man who doesn’t drive

[TrunkintheJunk]

Recently started online dating. Been talking to someone who seems really nice. We’re arranging to go for a walk somewhere next week.
Thing is, he doesn’t drive. He’s 39 but just ‘never got around to learning’.
Am I a dick for being put off by this??

@StillCoughingandLaughing

And it is that weird that people who live in well-connected towns and cities are also friends with people living in well-connected towns and cities?

They presumably have friends that live all over the place? Some in well connected towns and other more rural/coastal and less well connected. Unless you only want to be friends with people you can get to on the bus/train?

Hard pass. Saw a friend of mine do that for her DH, his entire family didn’t drive nor did they intend to. She ended up carting the lot of them up and down the country on the regular. Fuck that

@Sparklingbrook

On one of these threads some time ago (and they are fairly regular) someone was actually saying how easy it was to go camping with no car, taking all the stuff on the train. I wouldn't go camping and I do own a car, also no to rural walking holidays. But when we do holiday in the UK, we load the boot up with however much stuff we want and use the car when we get there to maybe get to some of the more remote pubs or beaches/places of interest. I don't think that's unusual.

I'm not going anywhere less nice than my house.

And a tent falls in to that category.

I'd never move anywhere that wasn't on a bus route/train route, even if I came in to enough money to easily run a car, I still wouldn't want to move further out of town. I feel 'free' knowing that the transport network is there. Right there. Knowing I have to get myself from A to B doesn't feel as ''free'' to me.

So freedom means different things to different people. I'd feel chained down by a car. The expense. The fear of having an accident and making my insurance go up! The fear of four lane traffic!

@Sparklingbrook nobody I know lives rural or coastal. Most of my friends including myself live in the same city we grew up in. The ones who moved away have moved away for work so to places like London and Bristol which are well connected. I didn't go to university so I don't know many people from different parts of the country.

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@Sparklingbrook nobody I know lives rural or coastal. Most of my friends including myself live in the same city we grew up in. The ones who moved away have moved away for work so to places like London and Bristol which are well connected. I didn't go to university so I don't know many people from different parts of the country.[/quote]
That's great for you.

How do all you non-drivers — particularly the single women — get home after a night out?

To me, night out implies drinking, so the same way most people would- bus or taxi?

How do all you non-drivers — particularly the single women — get home after a night out?

I would have thought that driving home from a night out was the exception rather than the rule.

@Number3BigCupOfTea, I've never lived anywhere with reliable public transport so I guess that's why I was so keen to get my licence and for the DCs to do the same. DS1 is currently living in a town where owning a car would be of no advantage to him at all, but it might not always be the case.

If I was learning now I would probably be very apprehensive as it's all so different from the 80s when I passed my test. No theory test, or motorway lesson. I didn't find taking the DSs out for driving practice particularly fun. I don't mind the 4 lane motorways except for the smart motorways where for some reason they've taken the hard shoulder away.

I've just checked and was pleasantly surprised to see that I could visit my town folks by train and then bus on Sunday as long as i got the bus by 6.30. That's actually improved from when I lived there!

They presumably have friends that live all over the place? Some in well connected towns and other more rural/coastal and less well connected. Unless you only want to be friends with people you can get to on the bus/train?

Well, I live in London and don’t drive and, weirdly enough, most of my friends live in areas I can get to easily. That’s how we met and became friends. I can’t believe it’s that difficult a concept. Whilst by no means do all my friends live within a couple of Tube stops, most of them are accessible to me. Maybe there are dozens of other people living in big cities lamenting the fact that it’s impossible to see their friends living in crofter’s cottages in the Hebrides, in lighthouses in remote stretches of coastline or in tiny farming villages, but I don’t see it being a major issue for the majority - just as most people living in rural hamlets aren’t desperately lonely because all their friends live in Zone 1.

How do all you non-drivers — particularly the single women — get home after a night out?

I just walk home. If it's not a walking distance then I take the bus. If it's after 3am so busses don't work then I take a taxi or an uber. I assume even people with cars do the same? You wouldn't want to drink and drive.

That's great for you.

But presumably most people base their decisions on the life they actually lead, rather than one they theoretically could be leading? If the PP who said she lived in a city and mainly has friends living in cities was actually from a one-street villages with no buses since 1958, she would have learned to drive. But she isn’t.

weirdly enough, most of my friends live in areas I can get to easily

People have been known to move. That's not a difficult concept either. I don't know anyone that lives in a lighthouse though.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

That's great for you.

But presumably most people base their decisions on the life they actually lead, rather than one they theoretically could be leading? If the PP who said she lived in a city and mainly has friends living in cities was actually from a one-street villages with no buses since 1958, she would have learned to drive. But she isn’t.

Of course they do which is why threads like this always go round in defensive circles. Learn to drive or don't, as long as you are happy with everything it doesn't matter really. Just make life choices and get on with it. I never really think about it until these threads come up. OP isn't happy so she's decided against the date as she wants to date someone that drives.

The problems of rail travel on a Sunday have been well-documented for years. Lots of engineering work, train services not starting till later than normal (because train timetables are designed around commuting) and running slower than on other days of the week. Often on a Sunday by the time you've got somewhere it's time to turn round and head back.

I lived in Penarth just outside Cardiff for a few years in the noughties. During the week the trains ran regularly but the line was shut on a Sunday. I see now that Transport for Wales has instituted a Sunday service but it's only every two hours, doesn't start till past 9am and the last train back is before 9pm. It would make a day trip of any great distance or complexity impossible.

For example, one of the Sunday trips I occasionally made from the Penarth area was to visit a friend who lived in the hills east of Aberystwyth. I would leave early and could drive there in around two and a half scenic hours. We'd have lunch, meet up with other people, go for a three or four hour walk and a pub supper in glorious countryside and I could be home and asleep by 11pm.

I've just checked the Sunday service and the earliest I could depart would be 9.45. I'd get to Aber at some time around 4pm. Not sure about how long it would take for the bus to within walking distance of my friend's home. It would have to be an overnight visit because there's no way I could get back home again on a Sunday.

Cars open up life and opportunities for people. If you're happy never to stray far from the city that's fine, but a lot of people without cars would love the freedom a vehicle can offer.

@dottiedodah

For all those living in London without a car ,does no one go out of London for an afternoon "run out" as my DGP used to call it at all? Unless your needs never seem to run to coming out /going on WE away /hols whatever .To say nothing of shopping .I think it seems lazy and childish esp for men somehow

You do understand that London isn’t surrounded by a giant wall or invisible force field, right? Yes, public transport within London is much better than it is within the rest of the country - but said transport also allows passengers to go OUT of London and come back in.

My local train takes me to Paddington in less than 15 minutes. Paddington is known as ‘The Gateway to the West’ - direct services to Bristol, Bath and the wider Avon/Somerset area, Cornwall, Worcester, Berkshire, Oxfordshire... just over ten minutes on the tube and you can be at Euston, Kings Cross St. Pancras or Victoria. Regular services to Kent, Surrey, Sussex, the Midlands, Yorkshire, even Scotland - oh, and France, Belgium and Holland from St. Pancras.

But no - life in London without a car is insular and restricting...

@dottiedodah

For all those living in London without a car ,does no one go out of London for an afternoon "run out" as my DGP used to call it at all? Unless your needs never seem to run to coming out /going on WE away /hols whatever .To say nothing of shopping .I think it seems lazy and childish esp for men somehow

You do understand that London isn’t surrounded by a giant wall or invisible force field, right? Yes, public transport within London is much better than it is within the rest of the country - but said transport also allows passengers to go OUT of London and come back in.

My local train takes me to Paddington in less than 15 minutes. Paddington is known as ‘The Gateway to the West’ - direct services to Bristol, Bath and the wider Avon/Somerset area, Cornwall, Worcester, Berkshire, Oxfordshire... just over ten minutes on the tube and you can be at Euston, Kings Cross St. Pancras or Victoria. Regular services to Kent, Surrey, Sussex, the Midlands, Yorkshire, even Scotland - oh, and France, Belgium and Holland from St. Pancras.

But no - life in London without a car is insular and restricting...

@Shedbuilder

The problems of rail travel on a Sunday have been well-documented for years. Lots of engineering work, train services not starting till later than normal (because train timetables are designed around commuting) and running slower than on other days of the week. Often on a Sunday by the time you've got somewhere it's time to turn round and head back.

I lived in Penarth just outside Cardiff for a few years in the noughties. During the week the trains ran regularly but the line was shut on a Sunday. I see now that Transport for Wales has instituted a Sunday service but it's only every two hours, doesn't start till past 9am and the last train back is before 9pm. It would make a day trip of any great distance or complexity impossible.

For example, one of the Sunday trips I occasionally made from the Penarth area was to visit a friend who lived in the hills east of Aberystwyth. I would leave early and could drive there in around two and a half scenic hours. We'd have lunch, meet up with other people, go for a three or four hour walk and a pub supper in glorious countryside and I could be home and asleep by 11pm.

I've just checked the Sunday service and the earliest I could depart would be 9.45. I'd get to Aber at some time around 4pm. Not sure about how long it would take for the bus to within walking distance of my friend's home. It would have to be an overnight visit because there's no way I could get back home again on a Sunday.

Cars open up life and opportunities for people. If you're happy never to stray far from the city that's fine, but a lot of people without cars would love the freedom a vehicle can offer.

Not only the poor Sunday service, but also few late and early trains. I can't get to Manchester Airport early enough for the morning "peak" of flights (i.e. around 9am) and likewise they've stopped by the time the last arrivals come in towards midnight.

Trains have been dominated by the commuter market for decades now. I hope that the collapse of the commuter market (due to WFH) will make the railway industry sit up and realise that if they don't want mass job cuts, they're going to have to take other markets seriously, such as the tourist/leisure sector.

Number3BigCupOfTea I’m so with you on camping. As Terry Wogan said ‘I don’t see the point of going on holiday to enjoy less comfort than I have at home’

[quote Number3BigCupOfTea]@fembot123 same, passed 8th time but that point i was so disgusted with the financial racket lessons. Tests, theory tests 😩 renewing 1st provisional, 2nd provisional argh argh
I am happier just living in a big town near bus routes. I feel ok. So weird reading these comments. What is wrong with people!! Oh, btw, i never ask for lifts.[/quote]
I passed 8th time too 😄 now I’ve been driving for 9 years and I never used to ask for lifts either and I enjoy walking, always have.

@Sparklingbrook

For me the expense of running a car is the price I pay for freedom. The public transport where I grew up and also where I live now would not enable me to get to the places I have to be and do what I need to do.

I do think that if you have taken 7/8 driving tests to pass then it's quite possible driving isn't for you though.

Sorry but no, I had severe performance anxiety and just kept mucking it up through sheer terror, I wouldn’t have passed if I wasn’t capable and have no been driving for years, zero accidents and zero points on my licence so ner ner 😛

@Fembot ner ner really? Looks like you just overcame your fear.

[quote Sparklingbrook]**@Fembot* ner ner* really? Looks like you just overcame your fear.[/quote]
Gawd it was a joke 😆 Don’t take on so. Eventually yes I did, It took lots of time, money and patience but I think I appreciate it more than those who it came easy to. Don’t write us multiple failers off.

I was very worldly indeed when I couldn’t drive @SimonJT, I agree with you I’m not understanding why the two things are thought to be mutually exclusive.