To be put off dating a man who doesn’t drive

[TrunkintheJunk]

Recently started online dating. Been talking to someone who seems really nice. We’re arranging to go for a walk somewhere next week.
Thing is, he doesn’t drive. He’s 39 but just ‘never got around to learning’.
Am I a dick for being put off by this??

I find the idea of funding and keeping a car on the road far more off putting than just getting a bus.

It would put me off yes .I think if you have got to 39 and dont drive then you are probably going to struggle a bit TBH. Unless you live in London or a big city with good transport links then you are going to be driving him around .

Cookies now Are you serious FFS!

For me the expense of running a car is the price I pay for freedom. The public transport where I grew up and also where I live now would not enable me to get to the places I have to be and do what I need to do.

I do think that if you have taken 7/8 driving tests to pass then it's quite possible driving isn't for you though.

I know people have all sorts of reasons for not driving. Anything from problems with eye-sight to the expense or feeling stressed out by it.

I can respect those reasons, but not "never got around to it". That sounds like someone who uses other people as a free taxi service. It means "I've never needed to, because I always found someone to drive me places."

For all those living in London without a car ,does no one go out of London for an afternoon "run out" as my DGP used to call it at all? Unless your needs never seem to run to coming out /going on WE away /hols whatever .To say nothing of shopping .I think it seems lazy and childish esp for men somehow

For them not to even try I mean!

OMG, I just saw that he still lives with his parents at 39. Run! This guy is a man-child. He is looking for a mommy bang-maid to settle down with. He will never be a partner to any woman because he never had to learn to take care of himself.

I haven't read all the posts but no one seems to have mentioned the freedom that driving offers many women. I used to have an employer who insisted that if we could get to a meeting by train then we had to use public transport. I'd be up at 5am to catch trains to some fairly out-of-the-way places for all-day meetings, then find myself sitting on stations platforms in the cold and rain late at night, waiting for my final connection — and often I'd climb into a carriage and find myself locked in with a couple of drunk blokes coming back from a night out. I'm not easily intimidated but I had female colleagues who left their jobs because they hated the travel restrictions.

How do all you non-drivers — particularly the single women — get home after a night out?

@Number3BigCupOfTea

I find the idea of funding and keeping a car on the road far more off putting than just getting a bus.

That depends whether you can get a bus or not! In lots of places, the local public transport (or lack of it) dictates where you work, where you shop, what you can do for fun, etc.

@dottiedodah

For all those living in London without a car ,does no one go out of London for an afternoon "run out" as my DGP used to call it at all? Unless your needs never seem to run to coming out /going on WE away /hols whatever .To say nothing of shopping .I think it seems lazy and childish esp for men somehow

I live in Zone 1 with a car, its essentially an expensive stationary toy. We walk, cycle or use public transport, when we go on holiday we get a taxi to the airport, UK holidays tend to be on the train as we rarely go somewhere that requires driving. We do our food shop online.

If I do go for a ‘run out’ I tend to go alone and take my motorbike.

@dottiedodah

For all those living in London without a car ,does no one go out of London for an afternoon "run out" as my DGP used to call it at all? Unless your needs never seem to run to coming out /going on WE away /hols whatever .To say nothing of shopping .I think it seems lazy and childish esp for men somehow

Yes I do go out of London (pre lockdown), I visit friends in other towns and cities and have travelled extensively abroad alone. There is a great thing called public transport! Shopping I do weekly and can fit most in a rucksack and one or two carrier bags. In London it’s very likely there is a shop within walking distance. If I had to buy something particularly cumbersome I’d have it delivered. Yes, I’m restricted to visiting places accessible by a plane, train or bus (or taxi), but as there are enough of those to keep me amused I’m not confined to London

It would put me off too.
Conjures up am image of a person who is dependent, and doesn’t have very broad horizons.
Obviously a sweeping judgement and I’d be open to being proved wrong as I got to know him.

@dottiedodah

For all those living in London without a car ,does no one go out of London for an afternoon "run out" as my DGP used to call it at all? Unless your needs never seem to run to coming out /going on WE away /hols whatever .To say nothing of shopping .I think it seems lazy and childish esp for men somehow

I have no car and don't even live in London!

Public transport exists to go on days out and holidays you know.

DB lives in London (Zone 2) and has a car as he likes to go out of London a lot. He comes up to see us and his friends (2 hours away) and needs a car while he's here. He's also a fan of the countryside so he'll drive out for walks or to country pubs.
I don't know why it's assumed that people that live in London wouldn't want to leave it every now and again, however marvellous the public transport is.

One ex-boyfriend of mine couldn’t drive. He had always lived in London so I didn’t judge him for this as such. But I had my own car and I got sick of having to be the chauffeur every time we used the car.

@Shedbuilder I think it depends on what you enjoy. I'm a non driver but I'd never go on a rural walking or camping holiday anyway because that's my idea of hell.

We all know you can get from one town or city to another town or city using trains and buses, so long as you're not travelling on a Sunday. So are we to presume that you only ever visit people or go to places that are based in or near towns and cities?

On one of these threads some time ago (and they are fairly regular) someone was actually saying how easy it was to go camping with no car, taking all the stuff on the train.
I wouldn't go camping and I do own a car, also no to rural walking holidays.
But when we do holiday in the UK, we load the boot up with however much stuff we want and use the car when we get there to maybe get to some of the more remote pubs or beaches/places of interest. I don't think that's unusual.

@Shedbuilder

We all know you can get from one town or city to another town or city using trains and buses, so long as you're not travelling on a Sunday. So are we to presume that you only ever visit people or go to places that are based in or near towns and cities?

Where do you live that doesn’t have trains on a Sunday?

And it is that weird that people who live in well-connected towns and cities are also friends with people living in well-connected towns and cities?

SimonJT Sorry if that came over badly! Obv driving in London is expensive and with good public transport means less hassle .My own Dad didnt drive a car but did have a motorcycle and side car(1960s!)Fond memories of days out Wallace and Gromit style! I just mean with DC maybe a bit tricky was all.

@Shedbuilder

We all know you can get from one town or city to another town or city using trains and buses, so long as you're not travelling on a Sunday. So are we to presume that you only ever visit people or go to places that are based in or near towns and cities?

There are trains and buses on a Sunday where I live.

And yes, I do tend to go to towns/cities because that's what I like. I don't enjoy walking in the countryside or things like that. Which is why a car isn't necessary for my lifestyle.

SimonJT Sorry meant to tie in with my post that you have an MC as well.Just meant really that someone without a car /MC or whatever may seem rather unworldly was all.