To be put off dating a man who doesn’t drive

[TrunkintheJunk]

Recently started online dating. Been talking to someone who seems really nice. We’re arranging to go for a walk somewhere next week.
Thing is, he doesn’t drive. He’s 39 but just ‘never got around to learning’.
Am I a dick for being put off by this??

Why do drivers think non-drivers are a pain in the arse? I should think they’d be grateful for fewer cars on the road. Neither DH or I drive. I haven’t even travelled in a car for years - and that would have been a taxi.

Of the 2 very good friends I know - adult non drivers - both can get in serious flaps and very worked up in stressful situations. I genuinely think the road is a safer place- particularly with 1 of them- for not having them driving on it!

They're a pain in the arse because they guilt you into lifts, days out have to be planned around bus routes, you end up doing all the driving on holidays so can't drink, you always have to go to them as it's 'easier' to name a few.

Would put me off sorry. My friend takes ages while I wait on her bus.. just makes it stressful I think long term

@Sosigsandwich

They're a pain in the arse because they guilt you into lifts, days out have to be planned around bus routes, you end up doing all the driving on holidays so can't drink, you always have to go to them as it's 'easier' to name a few.

Why do you have these people in your life then if they're such a pain in the arse? Just get rid if the people in your life who don't drive are causing you such an issue. It's possible to not drive and not be a pain in the arse, it's also possible to be a driver and still be a pain in the arse. Having a driving license doesn't automatically stop you being one.

@CounsellorTroi

The parking space alone in my building is £25k and then the car, petrol, insurance etc. I have a terrible 'car fever' but I can't justify that.

Is that £25k pa for a parking space???

Not pa. Just purchasing a space. One off. You can then sell it when selling the flat. Around £20k seems to be the norm around here in the city centre. You'll find plenty of more expensive ones on rightmove.

@Maverickess I was asked why they're a pain the arse, I didn't say those who drive aren't pain in the arses. We have a large group of friends, 8 couples and one couple doesn't drive. It is an absolute ball ache arranging anything as no one has enough room in their cars for them. So it has to be somewhere they can get to on public transport, one couple takes 2 cars or they don't come which just seems unfair. Absolutely no reason at all why one of them couldn't drive. Anyone who doesn't drive has no idea how much easier and more practical it is.

It would put me off, unless there was a good medical reason I would assume someone who hasn't 'got round to learning' is the kind of person who hasn't got off life's starting blocks. I'd be expecting I'd end up handling all the grown up aspects of life for us, you ferry your kids around, not your husband

[quote Sosigsandwich]@Maverickess I was asked why they're a pain the arse, I didn't say those who drive aren't pain in the arses. We have a large group of friends, 8 couples and one couple doesn't drive. It is an absolute ball ache arranging anything as no one has enough room in their cars for them. So it has to be somewhere they can get to on public transport, one couple takes 2 cars or they don't come which just seems unfair. Absolutely no reason at all why one of them couldn't drive. Anyone who doesn't drive has no idea how much easier and more practical it is.[/quote]
All your friends only have 2 seater cars? Or are there children involved filling up the cars? Doesn’t sound like children but that’s the only rational explanation here!

I’ve usually found that when people say things like “being unable to drive is really immature and pathetic, it’s a basic life skill, you can’t be independent without it, I would never date a non-driver, it would be so annoying, but I don’t mean people who have medical reasons!” - they actually do mean people who have medical reasons. They see us as helpless and non-independent and in need of being driven everywhere too, they’re just prepared to make an exception because they feel sorry for us in our pathetic non-driver-ness.
My mum doesn’t drive at all and could only ever drive an adjusted car when she did, I absolutely do mean it’s ok with medical reasons. Ditto for my epileptic friend. But, I don’t mean it’s ok because they are snowflakes. A connection/acquaintance would basically stop driving when upset and get lifts and the parents ran around after her no matter the inconvenience because they didn’t want her upset - a classic example of spoiling your child rotten.

Depends where he grew up and lives. If always in a major city eg London where public transport is faster than driving it wouldn't bother me. If it was anywhere else I would see it as a sign of laziness

@timeisnotaline Of course children are involved 🙄

@Sparklingbrook

It would put me off too, but I know that it won't be a popular opinion on here. I drive and don't know anyone who doesn't if that makes a difference.

Same here.

@Sosigsandwich so why are you still friends with them if they're such a pain in the arse? If friends in my life were causing me so much inconvenience and anguish I'd get shot, driving licences or not!

I have got shot of people in my life who expected free childcare from me so they could have a social life, I don't think anyone who has kids is a cheeky fucker like they were.

Bit petty to let that put you off

I would not want to date someone in their thirties who can't drive.

Men who choose not to own a car for practical or environmental reasons are fine.

However, men who cannot drive seem a bit sus imo.

Because it's a group of 16 adults with 32 years of history. Doesn't mean they don't cause a fuss for the other 14 people!

Then that's your choice to put up with it, it doesn't make all non drivers a pain in the arse because your 2 friends are.

[quote Sosigsandwich]@Maverickess I was asked why they're a pain the arse, I didn't say those who drive aren't pain in the arses. We have a large group of friends, 8 couples and one couple doesn't drive. It is an absolute ball ache arranging anything as no one has enough room in their cars for them. So it has to be somewhere they can get to on public transport, one couple takes 2 cars or they don't come which just seems unfair. Absolutely no reason at all why one of them couldn't drive. Anyone who doesn't drive has no idea how much easier and more practical it is.[/quote]
But do they need a car in their life in general? Getting a license and a car for these outings seem like a big investment.

I'm not denying that it would be much easier if everyone drove and had a car in their disposal. Yes, my life would be easier if I bought a car. Yes, offering to drive someone is a pain in the ass. Waiting for friends bus sucks Etc. But usually there is a trade off. In friendships and relationships. I assume you like your friends and want to spend time with them because you like them? Then meet up somewhere where it's easier to get to. If you want to go somewhere and you don't want to drive them and they cannot sort themselves then it is fair enough for them not to come.

I'm thinking about my own childhood growing up. We did have a car but dad used it to go to work. And we used public transportation and cycled a lot. Looking at these responses I wonder how we survived without 2 cars.

I think there’s some personal preferences you have to stick to when online dating. I didn’t want to date someone who doesn’t drive but met someone I liked who didn’t and decided to give him a chance. He announced at the end of the first face to face date that I could pick him up next time like he was ordering a taxi. I never saw him again. My non driver ex husband treated me like a taxi driver too. I’ll never date someone who doesn’t drive again.

You're quite right to be put off by him OP. It would be a no from me.

I'm going to say it again, for those narrow-minded drivers on this thread.

YOU could lose your licence at any point if you develop a medical condition. Do you expect to be dumped, ridiculed and infantalised from that point on? Evidence from your comments on this thread says you'd immediately be viewed a lesser member of society, lazy, weak.

My suggestion to help in the dating world: Can the type of driver who thinks non drivers are worthless please wear a stamp on their head that says "I'm a prejudiced arse"? After all, they think I should be wearing a stamp on my forehead that says "I have an invisible disability that prevents me from driving".

Can you really not imagine how circumstances can change and your happy life of two drivers suddenly becomes one driver?

By all means, date or don't date whoever you like. But stop lumping everyone who can't drive together as a sub-class of useless people.

My ex doesn't drive and for ages it didn't bother me, but after we had children (and after he had promised to learn without me pressuring at all, and not even had lessons) it just came to seem part of his lazy selfish attitude where everything was always someone else's fault and someone else's responsibility. He didn't stop drinking a bottle of wine a night when our baby was overdue and I asked him to, because I wanted a sober person with me when I went into labour. that just seemed massively symbolic of something. It isn't true that everyone who doesn't drive is selfish and lazy, but I will never date a man who doesn't drive again. (even though I am not having any more children)

If you live in place like London and rarely leave wouldn't owning a car just be more hassle than actual use?