Bridesmaid-zilla

[bridetobeornottobe]

I am a BM for a close friend who has had to cancel her wedding / hen etc due to a Covid.

It was all booked etc and she is devastated. I suggested to the other bridesmaids that we send her some flowers on the weekend her hen was due to be (in Jan) and the wedding was supposed to be in 3 weeks and so suggested we do the same but with a bottle of champagne.

Almost everyone agreed it was a nice idea to show we are thinking of her, all they needed to do was transfer me £10.

Two have messaged me separately to say it's OTT and she's still getting married so there's nothing to be sad about and she didn't send them anything when one of them got promoted.

For reference - all in our 30s, these two are the only single ones in the BM group but we are all fine for money (earning 80k plus) and no kids.

AIBU to suggest this?

I just think if you're close enough to be her bridesmaid then just send over £10 and wish her well? I'm not asking them to organise anything etc.

[delilahbucket]

I was that bride who's wedding was cancelled last year. One of my bridesmaids turned up on my wedding day with a big bunch of flowers and the other arranged for a personalised card with a lovely message in it for me. I really appreciated the gestures.
If you want to send a gift OP, just do it. Don't stick anyone else's name on and if it comes up, just be honest with the bride.

[Cassilis]

It's a pity that you see having consideration for single friends and their milestones as 'bitter' behaviour Youll . Let's hope your single friends have time for you if you ever get divorced.

[Youllbeoldertoo]

@Cassilis not what I said at all, you clearly have no understanding of my posts. I was specifically talking about the people on here I never once said that promotions or single people shouldn’t be celebrated. However, you just read what you want to read. So I’m sure you’ll massively misunderstand this post also.

[RootyT00t]

@mainsfed

Nice drip feed about bride paying for accomodation.

Why?

[AnotherKrampus]

What a totally uncalled for bitchy title. Shame on you OP. You can easily afford to buy flowers and a bottle yourself if you are that bothered. Getting a promotion is far more worthy an occasion, then a missed hen do. Get a grip!

[bridetobeornottobe]

@AnotherKrampus you didn't read my posts did you?

Stated a few times I was asking if it was ME being a bridesmaid-zilla.

Promotions happen multiple times in life, weddings are (hopefully) a one time thing.

If I had posted complaining none of my friends had sent me any presents for my promotion AIBU to be upset, I would have been ripped to shreds.

[AnotherKrampus]

Ok fair enough, daft thread anyway. Just send a fecking card and bottle if you are that bothered to come across as nice.

[RootyT00t]

[quote bridetobeornottobe]@AnotherKrampus you didn't read my posts did you?

Stated a few times I was asking if it was ME being a bridesmaid-zilla.

Promotions happen multiple times in life, weddings are (hopefully) a one time thing.

If I had posted complaining none of my friends had sent me any presents for my promotion AIBU to be upset, I would have been ripped to shreds.

[/quote]
You would.

You're 100 percent in the right op.

[Youllbeoldertoo]

@bridetobeornottobe agreed, you would be slaughtered!

You’re in the right here op, it’s sad that so many wouldn’t send something to their friends. MN is great but can be really funny about certain topics.

[RootyT00t]

Like birthdays and best friends daring to spend a tenner to send their friend something nice on her cancelled wedding day!

[3court]

"Really? You can't see why someone would be upset by a cancelled wedding?

A promotion is not worthy of celebration IMO outside your own household"

@RootyT00t of course I can see why someone would be upset/ disappointed. But upset and disappointment are part of daily life. I was disappointed to have to postpone but it's not an terrible life altering thing to have happened and I most certainly wouldn't want sympathy out of respect for people with actual problems and issues and in fact I would be embarrassed.

[MaMaD1990]

I think its a nice and thoughtful gesture and you should go ahead and do it with whoever would like to. The focus should be on making your friend feel better on what would be her hen/wedding and of these other girls want to play tit for tat, that's on them. Don't make their childish behaviour make you feel bad for doing something nice.

[MarieeBarone]

I think it's a lovely idea OP. It's the sort of thing my friends and I would do for each other and we're not well off. Are they annoyed they didn't think of it?? Take the contributions from those willing and make sure their names are the only ones included on the card.

[Bluesheep8]

We had to cancel her hen so sent her gifts and did a fake virtual one, we had another call and gift for her cancelled wedding, her family sent her gifts etc. honestly I agree that it's all too much. Being a bridesmaid is already a bit of a pain and by the time she is married she will have had an engagement gift, wedding gift, cancelled hen gift, cancelled wedding gift from me on top of an engagement party, bridesmaids weekend, virtual hen do, real hen do, extra hen do for those who can't come to the main one, meal before the wedding day and the day itself. It sucks to postpone a wedding but everyone has had a shit time in this pandemic and they don't get gifts for everything they missed out on.

This! With bells on. Will people start having two wedding anniversaries now? One for the actual one and one for the cancelled one?

[WhoStoleMyCheese]

Hmmm given that the bride paid for stuff and It’s only £10 - I’ve changed my mind. Although how £60 is enough for two lots of flower and decent champagne is a mystery.
OP this was a bit of a drip feed...I was under the impression that people had to cover everything themselves as was normally the case and it was 2nlots of £10.
Even then marking only the missed wedding is enough but not the missed hen do!

[ElderMillennial]

A promotion is completely different to a postponed wedding. Sometimes BMs are not even close to (or even known to) each other, (only the bride) so that may be why the promoted one didn't get any congratulations from the other BMs

A promotion being "completely different" from a postponed wedding is not necessarily everyone's view but more importantly I read the OP to mean the two BMs didn't want to co tribute because the bride hadn't congratulated them for the promotion, not the other BMs. They must know the bride quite well to be her BMs...