Page 4 | Bridesmaid-zilla

1Morewineplease · 03/03/2021 20:36

Flowers? For a hen party that didn't happen? Blimey... have we all gone soft and stupid???

sbhydrogen · 03/03/2021 20:38

Send a £11 bottle of prosecco the day of the hen party via Deliveroo, and then try and rally the troops for prosecco and flowers the day of the wedding.

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kneecapper · 03/03/2021 20:44

YABU. Pay for it yourself. Your idea!

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VodkaSlimline · 03/03/2021 20:58

YABU. I'm sure it's no coincidence that it was the two single people who resisted this totally unnecessary plan. How rude of you to ignore their promotions. Celebrating career success is more important than celebrating the day someone should have had their hen do but didn't!

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WhoStoleMyCheese · 03/03/2021 21:01

How many of you were there?
It's a nice idea but TWO lots of flowers + champagne is OTT! Especially since she will still be getting married.
One bunch would do,...

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WhoStoleMyCheese · 03/03/2021 21:04

Also what's with all the fuss around celebrating promotions? A promotion is not as life-changing an event as a wedding - unless you're getting promoted to senior management. A marriage is supposed to last YEARS, jobs come and go.
If you really must have a celebration ... get another degree...

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Ladyofmainlyleisure · 03/03/2021 21:10

I postponed my wedding from last year. It’s not a massive deal and I wouldn’t expect commiseration gifts.

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MindyStClaire · 03/03/2021 21:20

YANBU, we would definitely send something on the date of the wedding in our group, quite possibly suggested by the one who's single.

Promotions (and there have been some big ones) are celebrated with a text or a hug, and possibly celebrated in a bigger way with work friends.

If I'd got your message I'd be delighted you were sorting it and contribute happily!

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SeasonFinale · 04/03/2021 01:10

I suspect the one who mentioned the promotion didn't actually want gifts but was making the point that these were also total non events that didn't warrant whip rounds and the point has gone over your head.

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youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/03/2021 01:12

If your issue was that you wanted her to know you were all thinking of her, if that was your real motivation for doing it then why not send some flowers and pay for them yourself but put all your names on the card? Problem solved.

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MixedUpFiles · 04/03/2021 02:50

It doesn’t matter how much they earn, it’s not ok to spend someone else’s money.

You can choose to send your own gift.
You can say you are sending something and if anyone wants to add on they can and you will make it bigger.
You can’t say that everyone needs to contribute X amount

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Sapho47 · 04/03/2021 03:57

@bridetobeornottobe

I am a BM for a close friend who has had to cancel her wedding / hen etc due to a Covid.

It was all booked etc and she is devastated. I suggested to the other bridesmaids that we send her some flowers on the weekend her hen was due to be (in Jan) and the wedding was supposed to be in 3 weeks and so suggested we do the same but with a bottle of champagne.

Almost everyone agreed it was a nice idea to show we are thinking of her, all they needed to do was transfer me £10.

Two have messaged me separately to say it's OTT and she's still getting married so there's nothing to be sad about and she didn't send them anything when one of them got promoted.

For reference - all in our 30s, these two are the only single ones in the BM group but we are all fine for money (earning 80k plus) and no kids.

AIBU to suggest this?

I just think if you're close enough to be her bridesmaid then just send over £10 and wish her well? I'm not asking them to organise anything etc.

Your earning over 80k, if your close enough to be her bridesmaid then just spend the £30 and wish her well?

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Sapho47 · 04/03/2021 04:02

@Tiredmum100

I think sending two lots of flowers is OTT. You sound like a lovely thoughtful friend but I can see what others aren't too bothered. I would have done just one collection with a card saying sorry your hen and wedding have been delayed.

Really? Sounds like she uses her friend's situation to make herself look good.

She sets this up without asking her friend, esentialy begging on her behalf when she may not want it and will be the one to recive any ill will from disgruntled friends while the op just appears so lovely and thoughtfully.

Then she's badmouthed the other friends who didn't contribute (wanna bet the ops not said anything to anyone irl)

Its all a bit queen bee behaviour the op comes out smelling of roses and the rest of the group gets to quietly resent each other

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shutterteal · 04/03/2021 05:56

It's a lovely thoughtful thing to do.
Follow your heart in this instance.
Either send the gift from the bridesmaids who are interested along with you. Or maybe just from yourself.
Whichever way you do it don't ignore it if you feel it's right.

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Changedname476 · 04/03/2021 06:37

Yeah I think your going over the top OP. On joint gift from bridesmaids was thoughtful and nice either in hen do or wedding and the other bridesmaids had been up for that (flowers have been sent/ paid for?)

Really now it's more about you than the bride and groom. Why such an expensive bottle of champagne? It sounds alike you're trying to buy a £50+ bottle???
You can buy her a nice flavoured gin or other spirits off of Amazon that you can send just from yourself on their postponed wedding day. You've already done a joint bridesmaid thoughtful gift..!

It may be feel annoying to the other bridesmaids who will still eventually have a wedding with costs to attend and present etc to give, they may have multiple other friends / family whose weddings have been equally postponed and friends with big birthday celebrations postponed...; it could be getting pricey even with their "£80k" a year!! (Which isn't as much as you think if they have high rent or mortgage) .. You don't know how their take home pay is committed and it's rather presumptuous to assume they can afford endless treats.

You asked and others said, ummm no thanks. It's a nice thought for your friend, so send something from yourself, don't go overboard.

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Changedname476 · 04/03/2021 06:39

Whoops some spelling typos , please guess what I typed instead!
I meant to add that flavoured gin is £14 on Amazon including delivery. That's your share of an expensive bottle of champagne so why not do that instead on your own.

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Blondeshavemorefun · 04/03/2021 12:31

As a bride to be who has had her wedding cancelled not once but twice now , and 2 hen Do,s cancelled as well ,the flowers was a nice touch

Some friends send df and I a basket of goodies which was lovely and appreciated on our wedding day

Friends promotion. Was anything organised. . And she didn’t contribute

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Lancrelady80 · 04/03/2021 13:37

Something to mark the missed wedding is a lovely thing to do - no need to mark a missed hen do though, that is a bit OTT in my opinion.

I do think that champagne is an odd choice though - that's for celebrating something, but the whole point is that the wedding isn't happening on that day to be celebrated then.

Flowers and/or wine for the wedding day itself, because it must really be awful knowing that should have been your special day. But anything else is too much really.

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thecatsthecats · 04/03/2021 16:35

@MiddleParking

Really bad form to ask twice in a short space of time. People have their own shit going on at the moment and contributing to a joint present organised by someone else when you and the recipient can’t see each other is hardly much of a pleasurable gift-giving/bonding experience - it’s just sending a tenner into the void. I tend to think anyone who can’t immediately and unquestioningly accept a no shouldn’t be the organiser of group gifts anyway.

This is really good advice worth repeating.

I'm quite tough on these things at work. You can make things available to contribute to, and you can do it once. No reminders of "deadlines" and no chasing up individuals.

I was pretty hard line with my own bridesmaids too, and made sure they knew when people were having a tough time.

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ruledbynine · 04/03/2021 16:37

I think it’s a lovely day and they’re being a bit mean. Send it from just you. Upgrade it to a nice bottle plus chocs. Stuff them.

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MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 04/03/2021 16:40

I also think it's OTT. It's a nice gesture but unnecessary in my opinion.

Just because you want to do it, doesn't mean they should. I hate group situations like this where you get pressured into doing things you don't want.

Why don't you just do it off your own back? Earning £80k+ you should be well able to send flowers and champagne without roping others in!

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CoopsMalloops · 04/03/2021 17:01

Seems a bit sycophantic to me.

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Namechangedzzz · 04/03/2021 17:04

@bridetobeornottobe yes it would be nice for her to know that you were all thinking of her but the truth is that you are all not thinking of her. Only you are. It is wishful thinking on your part

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Hidinginstaircupboard · 04/03/2021 17:04

I agree with Middle.. snd thecatsthecats..

As it is
Really bad form to ask twice in a short space of time. (For two £10 donations for a wedding hen do that didn't happen and will happen in future which also has a cost..) People have their own shit going on at the moment ..

I suggested you send her a nice bottle of gin from you. Expensive champagne that costs every £10 each after a 3 week before flower bouquet is getting silly extravagant

They have already sent live and recognised it was cancelled. Let them text on the day and mark it how they wish and you do you 🥰

They may have multiple other celebrations adding up that is getting expensive to mark as missed and then also postponed... it's like double costing everything...

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nitsandwormsdodger · 04/03/2021 17:07

I've never sent flowers or champagne to a friend over a promotion and would not expect the same

I think it's a lovely idea and they are really tight if it's only a tenner

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