To think I wasn't rude to husbands colleagues?

[catnoirr]

Good Afternoon,

It's been playing on my mind all morning, yesterday I had to go to DH work to collect something. He's just a manager in retail.

As I was waiting a colleague came up to me and was like "Oh you're (dh name) wife, been wondering what you look like!" and started giggling, and then she goes "Aww he's such a good man, he doesn't even flirt with anyone and customers come in asking if he's married, giving their numbers but he just doesn't entertain it! He must really love you a lot!"

I just responded like "That's normal, don't think I'm gonna give him brownie points for acting like a married man" (I said it in a nice tone so not serious or anything)

Dh comes over to give me what I needed and colleague goes "I was just telling your wife how loyal you are compared to previous managers" and Dh just goes "oh yeah, but she doesn't appreciate it" (all jokey!)

I didn't say anything just smiled, said my goodbyes etc then left.

Dh comes home demanding why I was rude to his colleague embarrassing him. I said, I'm sorry but I don't appreciate the first time someone comes up to me gushing how you don't flirt with people lol, It's normal to not be disloyal.
He then goes on about how she's only young and was just trying to be nice (I'm 27, the girl was around 20). I said I don't need reassuring from a stranger lol but now it's just weird.

I'm literally dumbfounded at the whole situation lmao! He's now moody saying I've embarrassed him!
I am heavily pregnant and maybe hormonal but I don't think I'm being unreasonable here?

I think your husband sounds like a creep tbh.

A really immature sleeze bag.

I think at the moment with lockdown everything in people’s relationships is getting blown out of proportion.

It does sound a bit like your husband is behaving a bit like an arse, and is somewhat naive about his role at work, he should be setting the tone and better boundaries as the manager. In a non-sexual context, he really can’t afford to be so friendly with the staff, such as ciggie breaks. He’s potentially causing hard-work for himself and opening himself up to accusations of favouritism, people will start taking advantage.
But that’s his issue to worry about unless he asks for your advice.

I do think both of you appear to be a little controlling of each other’s behaviour and conversations, maybe when things have cooled down sit down and talk about how you feel at the moment, being so vulnerable and set some boundaries around how you both try to control each other.

The lighting in that shop isn't exactly flattering is it and (if my local ones are anything to go by) a lot of the regulars who chat to the staff are very lonely and have few other places to go, some seem to have MH issues. It's probably the over 80s trying it on... if anyone.

Manipulative. Not manipulate.

@Mmn654123 no, I don’t need to.

OP doesn’t need to.

Nobody needs to.

You’re being deliberately obtuse. You know perfectly well I’m not referring to my personal situation.

"he will say comments like "HR seems to send good looking girls for me to interview, the drivers keep asking do I employ them on purpose" and then sort of gaslight me if I don't appear cheery after the conversation"

Ok. Erm, bit of a drip feed there. He sounds like a total creep

OP doesn’t sound controlling at all. She sounds the opposite to me and non jealous. This appears to piss her DH off.

yes! Then he gaslights me telling me "You should be secure, not worried about essentially a kid"

I'm like "Erm, I never once have ever told you I'm worried about anyone, or if I'm insecure"

It's just proper gaslighting. He basically wants me to act as if I'm the luckiest thing ever to be married to him, when he comes home, I should throw a party how grateful I am, he hasn't cheated (or been that good I haven't been aware)

Your "D"H sounds like a total dick. If my DH was coming home with tales of how women are literally falling at his feet & flirting with him I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that he should either leave & enjoy his new found sex appeal or that if he wants to stay he needs to grow up and shut the fuck up.

^ This I think. If he wasn't like this and had actually done his job as a manager I don't think the woman would have behaved as she did.

Sorry OP, he sounds dreadfully immature based on your last post I was once engaged to a creep (as I found out) who flirted with anything female and really really wanted me to be desperate to keep him. I was a bit clueless and didn't understand that that was what he was after, so he didn't get it. I sussed him out eventually, but now I look back at all the inappropriateness and just... . His stuff, not mine. Horrible to live with though.

If he’s a manager in retail then he has to protect his reputation. Things like flirting with young girls while your wife’s pregnant tends to follow you between jobs if you want to stay local.

Your Dh either sounds really insecure or trying to make you insecure.

Telling you about women writing him poems, people suddenly wearing makeup, moaning at work that he’s being neglected. Now this weirdness with this girl. Hmm seems like he’s desperate for you to think he’s a got offers left right and centre .

[quote BrownEyedGirl80]@CandyleBonBon iceland[/quote]
Doh! I'm such a prat! Thankyou!!!

Your dh didn't hear your response to the colleague right, as you say he then came over to give what you needed. So did the colleague tell him that you were rude to her? If so, why? She would only do that to cause commotion between yourself and dh.
She clearly fancies your dh, it's no wonder she was wondering what you look like, she now knows what his type is

Also I’m fully aware you have a DH problem rather than his colleague problem.

@catnoirr the more you post the grosser he sounds.

Complain about her anonymously to head office!!! Say whenever you go in she’s pawing over the manager.

That should help!

It looks like you have bigger problems in your marriage than your husband being a flirt...

Well it sounds like even if nothing is going on between them, he wants you to think there is or is going to be...why does he want you to think that? He’s basically telling you he wants you to be insecure!

These are not the actions of a decent loving husband. Sorry OP.

God he sounds like a weird creep.

[quote catnoirr]@Mmn654123 I just feel quite insecure at the moment.

He doesn't realise how his comments come across to me, he will say comments like "HR seems to send good looking girls for me to interview, the drivers keep asking do I employ them on purpose" and then sort of gaslight me if I don't appear cheery after the conversation.

Or he will say how another colleague wears tight jeans and everyone calls her "phat ass" and then he thinks because he tells me "how beautiful i am, and he's such a loyal guy" I should be happy!

It's like over-justifying how loyal you are comes across shady as anything.

And he always tells me that I'm way to friendly to women and women can see that so I should be more firm as that's apparently the reason my female friends take advantage of me bla bla

And that TIME I AM FIRM, yet still friendly I'm being called rude.

Apparently she said to him "I was just praising you saying how you don't entertain people and she shut me down all defensive like how she doesn't trust you" she's literally made her own assumption.

I wish I could post a voice note how I said it.

Apparently another young colleague told him afterwards that I was really sweet and nice so now this girl in particular has made out I've victimised her and only her lol!
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Entirely understandable that you are feeling vulnerable and I’m giving your husband the benefit of the doubt.

But if he’s playing silly buggers himself and saying things that are upsetting you, he may need to be reminded that he’s being a dick.

DH had a colleague who said similar when we got married. She said "Oh it's a good job he's got a ring now so he doesn't have to turn them down so rudely, you're lucky he was loyal even before your wedding."

Congratulations on your pregnancy. OP hes just being an arsehole and he has the audasity to say your rude and now hes moody. He sounds immature to be honest. Tell him to take him and his moods elsewhere and come back when hes reasonable. Do not back down.

Sounds like she's putting you in the role of the "bad guy" already, she's desperate for your dh. What does DH look like that women are swooning in his wake as he saunters down the battered fish aisle? And 20year olds do talk shite, but it's sounds like something a 15year old would say. She ain't right, and I would be locking dh in one of his precious freezers if he took the side of a rude, lying colleague over his pregnant wife's.

Your husband is an immature ass