To think I wasn't rude to husbands colleagues?

[catnoirr]

Good Afternoon,

It's been playing on my mind all morning, yesterday I had to go to DH work to collect something. He's just a manager in retail.

As I was waiting a colleague came up to me and was like "Oh you're (dh name) wife, been wondering what you look like!" and started giggling, and then she goes "Aww he's such a good man, he doesn't even flirt with anyone and customers come in asking if he's married, giving their numbers but he just doesn't entertain it! He must really love you a lot!"

I just responded like "That's normal, don't think I'm gonna give him brownie points for acting like a married man" (I said it in a nice tone so not serious or anything)

Dh comes over to give me what I needed and colleague goes "I was just telling your wife how loyal you are compared to previous managers" and Dh just goes "oh yeah, but she doesn't appreciate it" (all jokey!)

I didn't say anything just smiled, said my goodbyes etc then left.

Dh comes home demanding why I was rude to his colleague embarrassing him. I said, I'm sorry but I don't appreciate the first time someone comes up to me gushing how you don't flirt with people lol, It's normal to not be disloyal.
He then goes on about how she's only young and was just trying to be nice (I'm 27, the girl was around 20). I said I don't need reassuring from a stranger lol but now it's just weird.

I'm literally dumbfounded at the whole situation lmao! He's now moody saying I've embarrassed him!
I am heavily pregnant and maybe hormonal but I don't think I'm being unreasonable here?

She sounds young and maybe what she meant to say was, 'We all really like your husband. We have had some creepy bosses and it's such a nice change to have a genuine boss...'

From the beginning of lockdown last year, it was pretty much just me and DD. He lost his job last April (not due to lockdown or anything related to Covid), I had to work full-time from home and support us all and look after our toddler while he galavanted about breaking all sorts of rules. He got this new position in September so he's relatively new and I have not socialised with anyone, so I've been in my own little world with dd and then finding out I was pregnant, moving house etc doing everything myself. And then he comes home with new stories of customers fingerling him, colleagues suddenly wearing makeup to work after they met him and other colleagues noticing this, to apparently colleagues bending down in front of him.

when I try to get this across how it sounds, he's like "I think you have lost touch on socialising because you haven't for over a year"

yeah, I do keep trying to remind myself of things I've said when I was younger, and how someone might have took it bad when I was just putting my foot in my mouth, sort of thing

@ilovemydogandMrObama

She sounds young and maybe what she meant to say was, 'We all really like your husband. We have had some creepy bosses and it's such a nice change to have a genuine boss...'

This!

Your last post sounds as if she's trying to drive a wedge-& it's working!

He really isn't coming off well here.

Of course if a spouse's colleague is touching on something that is inappropriate/makes you feel uncomfortable you shut them down.

Why is he so intent on defending her & making it your fault?

Try sending him a GIF saying 'Congratulations! You're NOT a cheating lying scumbag!' or something like that - if he is (or had been considering it) then his reaction would be telling, I think....

Nope you’re fine. Sounds like she needs to grow up and learn to converse appropriately with actual adults. When DH calms down I’d explain how effing weird it is that she even brought up the subject. Odd banter.

Exactly, I met another colleague a few weeks ago when picking him up, she came over and asked me how I am, how my pregnancy is going, we had a 5 minute chat, she mentioned how excited husband is about the pregnancy and what a great guy he is, always having her back and he lets her take extra cig breaks and she's thankful.

It was very natural, I didn't automatically think "ooooo why's he giving her cig breaks bla bla" It was just a normal conversation.

When I said to him "So I'm being directly rude to this woman, no1 else, why would I be?" He said "Because clearly, she's a lot better looking than her"
so you're essentially telling me, I SHOULD BE THREATENED?

I feel so angry at him now

Ugh. He is so desperate for you to be drooling over him and ready to fight other women for him, yet tells you you're being rude to them because he also wants them to want him

Basically he just sounds a bit desperate and attention seeking OP. Has he always been like this, or is it recent?

What a childish, utterly inappropriate and cocky thing to say!! "Been wondering what you look like" - huh?? Like that's the only reason a married man doesn't cheat?? I don't know why but I get the vibe that she might have the hots for your DH...would that be possible? You were definitely not rude, you handled it great! X

It does sound as if he wants women (of his choosing) to be doing "pick me" dances around him!

You should feel angry at him.

Why is he constantly commenting on these girls’ looks? It’s like he wants you to be grateful that he’s not cheating on you.

She’s basically lied about your response too. At no point did you insinuate you didn’t trust him.

Not sure what I would be doing about it but I’d be very pissed off. He’s basically siding with her.

He should put you first.

Imagine a supermarket that has been on the high street for a very long time... and it's name reminds you of the northern lights lmao.

Am I the only one stumped here!?

@ContessaDiPulpo

Ugh. He is so desperate for you to be drooling over him and ready to fight other women for him, yet tells you you're being rude to them because he also wants them to want him

Basically he just sounds a bit desperate and attention seeking OP. Has he always been like this, or is it recent?

He's always had this tendency to tell me when ever he's been hit on/ girls fancied him/ etc

I think he actually doesn't like it that I don't get all "bothered etc" i don't give him a reaction to it. I just smile usually and change the topic..

Until now obviously

I think you have two separate issues here: the young woman sounds like she was just rather awkward. I have a 20yo son and whilst they look like a fully fledged adult, they aren't necessarily socially articulate. Foot in mouth can be a regular occurrence at that age. Worse case scenario, even if she is actually interested in your DH, she can't do anything about it unless he actively encourages it...which is where your true problem lies.

I would be wondering what he had said to her & his other colleagues to make her say "we were wondering what you would look like". He sounds twattish enough to behave like he's doing you a huge favour by simply being with you. He's already showing you that he feels that you are lucky to have him by regaling you with tales of his massive sex appeal in the workplace and then being narked when you fail to respond with enthusiasm. That's classic gaslighting.

Your "D"H sounds like a total dick. If my DH was coming home with tales of how women are literally falling at his feet & flirting with him I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that he should either leave & enjoy his new found sex appeal or that if he wants to stay he needs to grow up and shut the fuck up.

Sounds like it was just off the cuff banter from the young woman, and you can reply just as you please.. No rudeness here at all, Your Husband should lighten up a bit.

@CandyleBonBon iceland

Each post you makes your DH sound worse. He should have shut the silly little girl down with her criticism of you immediately, he shouldn't be getting all giggly and flattered because she's asked him about her hair colour and he shouldn't be telling you about customers coming on to him (if they even are!).
He sounds like a teenage boy, with an over inflated opinion of himself, and a teeny, tiny ego that needs constantly boosting to boot. He also sounds like quite a shit manager.

I think she knew exactly what she was doing. 20 isn’t that young...

Ok so we have a husband who can't stop telling his wife that a) customers are drooling over him b) colleagues are attractive c) he's being sent an influx of pretty women BUT HE NEVER GOES NEAR THEM. Apart from the fact that this is an incredibly twattish way to behave to your wife - emphasising how amazing he is and how lucky she is, most of it probably in his head - this is probably also the way he's projecting himself to women he fancies at work. Doubtless he's told the pretty colleague(s) the same thing, that he's basically a sex magnet but he's too wonderfully pure to act on it. Double benefit there of depicting himself as a stud (encouraging them to fancy him too, as he'd see it) and as a great person (even more worth fancying). Small wonder one of them is gullible enough to repeat it back to you.

Either way it's really inappropriate the way he talks about his colleagues to you, not just because it's upsetting to you, but because it's SO SLEAZY. Is he a bit older than you by any chance?

Do remember everything he's telling you is from his own account. Assuming the colleague today was telling you something she'd heard from him, is there any evidence that anyone is after him at all? Sounds like wishful thinking to me!

I’d watch this space very carefully. There’s a reason he’s In a mood about being embarrassed. You’re not the cause

When I said to him "So I'm being directly rude to this woman, no1 else, why would I be?" He said "Because clearly, she's a lot better looking than her"

Woah the cheek of him

[quote OhCaptain]@Mmn654123 I’m not naive. I’m also not willing to ever manipulate my DH into seeing a 20 year old as a teenager so he won’t fuck her behind my back.[/quote]
Do you need to?

It’s an easy fix. There are other ways it could be handled of course. But in the circumstances this would probably be the easiest to achieve.

But not sure why your husband or what you are willing to do is relevant, unless you are having the same problem.

This really is like that Charles Allen Gilbert picture - what do you see .. a woman looking in a mirror or a skull?

I just don’t understand how this could be perceived as anything less than pernicious.

I cannot see anything other than her trying mess with your head then undermine you to your H and him in turn gaslighting you.

But then I was in a marriage in which one of his account managers constantly needed “help” at meetings then kept leaving her jacket in the car, etc (Dog & lamppost anyone?)

He was part of a plan whereby she came to my practice, which was at home, received free treatment that she didn’t need (because it was all a lying pretext,) then proceeded to ask him questions like “why does Smile use xx when she is xx ? .. why do you have xx colours in your kitchen?” etc So she did a recce of the house & me at the same time.

Of course she did me a massive favour in the long run but at the time it was unpleasant thinking you’ve been laughed at.

She’s recently done the same but this time it’s worse because the married man had two kids.
Some people see it as a game. It has nothing to do with how old the person is. It’s whether or not they have any morals.

This is not innocent OP. I don’t want to worry you .. just be aware.

And very manipulate to go straight to him afterwards with a different version of events to make him feel sorry/protective towards her. I’m not seeing socially awkward at all here.

Plus the background of making him her hero, protecting her from all these millions of admirers. She knows exactly what she is doing. But you can’t really do anything about her behaviour.