To think I wasn't rude to husbands colleagues?

[catnoirr]

Good Afternoon,

It's been playing on my mind all morning, yesterday I had to go to DH work to collect something. He's just a manager in retail.

As I was waiting a colleague came up to me and was like "Oh you're (dh name) wife, been wondering what you look like!" and started giggling, and then she goes "Aww he's such a good man, he doesn't even flirt with anyone and customers come in asking if he's married, giving their numbers but he just doesn't entertain it! He must really love you a lot!"

I just responded like "That's normal, don't think I'm gonna give him brownie points for acting like a married man" (I said it in a nice tone so not serious or anything)

Dh comes over to give me what I needed and colleague goes "I was just telling your wife how loyal you are compared to previous managers" and Dh just goes "oh yeah, but she doesn't appreciate it" (all jokey!)

I didn't say anything just smiled, said my goodbyes etc then left.

Dh comes home demanding why I was rude to his colleague embarrassing him. I said, I'm sorry but I don't appreciate the first time someone comes up to me gushing how you don't flirt with people lol, It's normal to not be disloyal.
He then goes on about how she's only young and was just trying to be nice (I'm 27, the girl was around 20). I said I don't need reassuring from a stranger lol but now it's just weird.

I'm literally dumbfounded at the whole situation lmao! He's now moody saying I've embarrassed him!
I am heavily pregnant and maybe hormonal but I don't think I'm being unreasonable here?

Divorce him. Hes being unloyal

Another one desperately trying to think of a supermarket to rhyme with Aurora Borealis!. They both sound pretty immature to me OP, he is trying to make sure you are aware he is attractive to other women/young girls and he’s being a sick about it, whether or not that’s something to worry about, only you can say. If someone said this about my Husband I’d find it weird but a bit hilarious as I know he’d never act on it, can you say the same about yours?.

YANBU! She is massaging his ego and he is loving it. At 20, she knows full well what she is doing, if she were a teenage girl, I would buy the different generations and uncomfortable babbling arguments, but she's not, she's being a cow. Your 'D'H is being a twatty man baby who obviously feels 'neglected' his words in the repeated comments, whilst you are baring and raising your children, rather than seeing to his 'needs'. I would be and having a serious conversation with him about boundaries and respect if I were you.

At 20, she knows full well what she is doing, if she were a teenage girl, I would buy the different generations and uncomfortable babbling arguments

In fairness, she's one year away from being a teenager, and I don't think you actually slip from 'stupid teenager with an ill-concealed crush' to 'hard-faced temptress' the second you have a birthday starting with 2.

She's so embarrassingly obvious with all the 'dying to know what you look like' and 'everyone fancies your husband' stuff, she sounds more like a fourteen year old. You know, as if the OP was also a speccy schoolgirl down in the back row of double Maths and deeply flattered to know that Darren, who has said via Gary that he fancied her, is actually deeply fanciable himself, and even Cool Linda thinks so.

It screams Jackie photo story!

Feels a bit like he wants you to be insecure - to make him feel wanted! Is he feeling insecure because you’re pregnant?

What horrible treatment! Has he always tried to make you feel insecure and jealous? It sounds like he’s got issues himself. He’s also obviously clocked the 20 year old is pretty and I think she’s trying to go after him, hence the weird conversation with you. He certainly shouldn’t be taking her side and having a go at you. How are you going to deal with it op?

YANBU

@SmileYouDown

She fancies him.

You could have said far, far more. How DARE she speak to you like that. And how dare HE blame YOU.

I’m angry on your behalf.

I couldn't agree, she was lucky it was not me to be honest because she really would have understood the meaning of rude..

@NeptunesGaze

What horrible treatment! Has he always tried to make you feel insecure and jealous? It sounds like he’s got issues himself. He’s also obviously clocked the 20 year old is pretty and I think she’s trying to go after him, hence the weird conversation with you. He certainly shouldn’t be taking her side and having a go at you. How are you going to deal with it op?

I had a chat with him last night, he basically said "from what she said, you sounded very defensive, like you don't trust me"

Which I find hard to believe because I said it in a jokey way, light hearted way. I hate the fact this girl has tried to psychoanalyse my words and twist it to him.

He then admitted that she's an attention seeker and she has been slagging him off as he had to have a word about her lateness.

I don't know what to do tbh, I just got to keep an eye on any changed behaviour I guess and put it down to a one off.

He denies trying to make me feel insecure so those conversations are a losing battle

I had a chat with him last night, he basically said "from what she said, you sounded very defensive, like you don't trust me"

I cannot begin to tell you how inappropriate this conversation is for a "manager" to have with a member of his staff.

He is incredibly shit at his job - as well as being a piss poor husband.

"He then admitted that she's an attention seeker and she has been slagging him off as he had to have a word about her lateness."

Well colour me cynical!

He's digging himself in deeper & deeper.

Wtf has the fact that he has had to speak to her about something work related got to do with her odd conversation with Op & his immediate defence of her?

The more you post, the bigger a creep he seems to be.

Christ, he has no idea about professional boundaries at all.
He sounds like a tit.

He denies making you feel insecure. Well he has made you feel insecure. Its your feelings about it that matter. If he dos’t except this then he can bugger off till he does

@catnoirr

Just keep telling him she was a right weirdo, that you weren’t defensive at all, that of course you trust him. Just say what a strange girl she is.

1.Young colleague probably has a crush on your husband and was shocked to come face to face with his pregnant wife.

2.She was just being friendly and chatty.

3.Husband embarrassed because nobody likes their other half coming into their work dispels all sorts of preconceptions colleagues have about the image crated of spouses

1. It’s all Meh. Enjoy your pregnancy !

‘Crated’ ? . Actually that sounds even better than created !

OP,

He's a sleeze, and also very poor professionally.

I wouldn't trust him as far as I'd throw him.

Reach out to family for support.

Return to work.

Don't put yourself in a vulnerable financial position with this man.

He's not a good one.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Protect yourself.

'I just feel quite insecure at the moment.'

I'm not fucking surprised

I can't believe there are actually men like this... wow

Yanbu. That would piss me right off. It's patronising and not her place to tell her manager's wife what an amazing man he is for doing the basic you would expect from a husband.

There's nothing quite like a desire for an ego boosting to prompt idiotic behaviour that hurts. I'm sorry you're going through this @catnoirr, he's being a dick

Am I the only one wondering if this young lady is going to call sexual harassment at some point, if not on the OP's DH then on another colleague? In his shoes I'd be wary about upsetting any females in his vicinity!

If one of my team commented on my husband like that girl did I would have some serious words with them. She sounds awful and unprofessional. He needs to manage conversations like that!

@oohmama

'I just feel quite insecure at the moment.'

I'm not fucking surprised

I can't believe there are actually men like this... wow

There are A LOT of men like this, I hate to break it to you! :p

I had a chat with him last night, he basically said "from what she said, you sounded very defensive, like you don't trust me"
He seems very keen to defend her, whilst suggesting you're unreasonable.

Like Billy suggests, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. If possible try to keep your own financial independence so that should things not work out, you aren't limited by being tied to him financially.

I'm quite friendly with my retail manager, I like when he's on duty with me because we have good chats and get a lot done. Nothing more or less.

If I ever met his wife (we do talk about our home lives quite a bit at work) I suppose I might say "it's good to put a face to the name, he talks about you a lot" or something but I'd hardly big him up as a paragon of virtue for not shagging other women, wtf? And if I did offend his wife, I would be mortified and possibly try to tell him (and her!) I didn't mean to, but not "grass her up" trying to get her told off!

Retail can be bloody weird. I've not worked in anything else to be fair, but you do run into some odd workplace dynamics. They always seem to come from the top down though. So I would wonder about what your husband is doing and saying at work, tbh.