To think I wasn't rude to husbands colleagues?

[catnoirr]

Good Afternoon,

It's been playing on my mind all morning, yesterday I had to go to DH work to collect something. He's just a manager in retail.

As I was waiting a colleague came up to me and was like "Oh you're (dh name) wife, been wondering what you look like!" and started giggling, and then she goes "Aww he's such a good man, he doesn't even flirt with anyone and customers come in asking if he's married, giving their numbers but he just doesn't entertain it! He must really love you a lot!"

I just responded like "That's normal, don't think I'm gonna give him brownie points for acting like a married man" (I said it in a nice tone so not serious or anything)

Dh comes over to give me what I needed and colleague goes "I was just telling your wife how loyal you are compared to previous managers" and Dh just goes "oh yeah, but she doesn't appreciate it" (all jokey!)

I didn't say anything just smiled, said my goodbyes etc then left.

Dh comes home demanding why I was rude to his colleague embarrassing him. I said, I'm sorry but I don't appreciate the first time someone comes up to me gushing how you don't flirt with people lol, It's normal to not be disloyal.
He then goes on about how she's only young and was just trying to be nice (I'm 27, the girl was around 20). I said I don't need reassuring from a stranger lol but now it's just weird.

I'm literally dumbfounded at the whole situation lmao! He's now moody saying I've embarrassed him!
I am heavily pregnant and maybe hormonal but I don't think I'm being unreasonable here?

Wtf. No you werent rude, i think you handled it really well actually. she was inappropriate and weird and your husband is being an arse.

@VegetarianDeathCult

So if he's not an Abercrombie and Fitch topless model, he's a supermarket sex god who gets poems and phone numbers on a regular basis? I want to hear more about this high street shag fest.

Your husband has a cult following, OP. Watch out for his fans pretending to browse fish fingers on the frozen food aisle and asking him lingeringly whether there are any special offers.

I don’t think anyone wanting to flirt with the local supermarket hottie manager should be clutching packets of fish fingers. Definitely not the way to go, lol.

[quote OhCaptain]@Mmn654123 no, I don’t need to.

OP doesn’t need to.

Nobody needs to.

You’re being deliberately obtuse. You know perfectly well I’m not referring to my personal situation.[/quote]
Then why phrase it as if you are? I didn’t comment on your situation or your marriage. My advice was to the op in her specific situation. She’s pregnant. Flinging him out isn’t ideal. He’s not behaving brilliantly. So a little manipulating or manoeuvring of her own is justified. Clutching your pearls at the idea of manipulating your husband is daft. You aren’t the op and you aren’t in her situation and of course it isn’t needed in every marriage. But right now it’s probably the best approach Op can take - unless she’s independently wealthy!

YANBU!

Send like an immature, cringy workplace. Tbh that conversation would make me suspicious of anything. Like why was that the first thing she said?

She was setting the foundations for you and He to have an 'at home' barney....

and Yes I agree with you ... we needed his work description to understand context..

You handled it brilliantly... not sure what your DH was expecting... I suspect he wanted you to fawn over him to express how lucky you are to be married to him... in front of her.... what a dick move

You sound Fabulous OP.. you were very cool 🌺

Yea you're not in the wrong, she was massively inappropriate lol you shouldn't have to give your husband credit for acting the way he should.

I know that this is a little off topic, but "Just a Manager" sounds really harsh lol it's a great job!

Well done to you for standing up for yourself!!

on a separate note..

Saying this to you bosses wife on the first ever meeting... is immature .. lacks social skills and an understanding of boundaries ...

being 20 years old ... really isn't an excuse 🌺

id you mean to say he is "just" a manager in retail? What a disparaging comment!!

Did - keys sticking!

Thank You, here was me trying to figure out a Supermarket chain that sounded like aurora borealis

Yes me too, have actually been googling alternative names for aurora borealis, thinking I must be very ignorant... and clearly I am!

This just gets worse, the fact that he believes her version of events over yours (you saying you don't trust him Vs you saying you do trust him, and that is what should be expected) is not good at all. And how dare he say that she is better looking than you?? You are carrying his baby, there is no one in the world better looking than you is the party line! For him to imply that you would be threatened is beyond the pale.

I think OP take some time to make sure you're calm and lay all the points out to him clearly and rationally, noting calmly what he says to avoid being gaslighted.

@catnoirr YABU. So i suggest you go and find some cardboard and cut out a star. cover it in tin foil. take an umbrella, the longer handled the better. head off into town to his shop like a good girl. Go and find the staff member you were rude to. Apologise to her, ask her to hold the umbrella and ask she calls your husband over. Once he arrives you begin the ceremony. Ask her to knight him with the umbrella while you award him the star of honour.

@catnoirr if youre feeling sassy you could also then throw glitter over him.

@percheron67

id you mean to say he is "just" a manager in retail? What a disparaging comment!!

I just read that as meaning he isn’t a billionaire entrepreneur with supermodels lobbing themselves at his feet. Not disparaging, just context.

@Mmn654123

me too 🌺

Sounds to me like your DH thinks rather highly of himself and is trying to make you feel insecure/paranoid..which could be seen as gaslighting.

Try not to let it get you down, but I would be making it clear to him that he needs to be very very careful about how he behaves at work, in terms of what comments he makes, because discrimination and sexual harrassment are an actual thing and he sounds like he's being a bit creepy.

In the meantime, don't worry about the silly little girl. She sounds like she's got the hump that your DH isn't responding to her flirting tactics...

congrats on the pregnancy x

Very weird. Like someone saying its great he is not a mass murderer like the last manager. If it is stuff you should not be doing, then complimenting someone on not doing it is just weird.

Lots of projecting going on here.

Her social skills are clearly lacking, but I'd probably let her off as she's young and clearly not the brightest. You were downright rude IMO.

What reaction did she want you to have? Gratitude? Crazy.
Glad you showed her you were not insecure

BTW my usual reaction when people used to say something likw that to me about my ExH was "ugh, I wish they'd be more forward with him, then I could get him off my hands"

I have a feeling that she may have given your husband the impression you were rude to her on purpose. Why don’t you ask your husband exactly what she said to make him think you were rude. It would suit her very well if he came in to work the next day saying that you two had argued over her, ans he had taken her side. Once you’ve found out what was said, make up with him and send him in to work with a big contented smile on his face.

I know you are pregnant so I don’t mean the obvious (or go for it if you feel like it) but make him feel good so he gives off ‘very happily married man’ vibes.

It's just proper gaslighting. He basically wants me to act as if I'm the luckiest thing ever to be married to him, when he comes home, I should throw a party how grateful I am, he hasn't cheated (or been that good I haven't been aware)
Eugh he's behaving like a dickhead here. Your updates make him sound like he thinks he's some kind of God.

I still don't think very highly of the 20 year old with a crush because she's lapping up the attention, but more fool her for getting involved stroking his ego.

OP, your calm and rational responses must be really annoying your DH right now. You've handled yourself brilliantly.

Your husband sounds an utter knob. Vain, ridiculous and immature.

He has a lot of growing up to do before he becomes half way competent at 'managing' staff, based on your posts. Her conversation with you - as her manager's wife - was utterly inappropriate, and his response has been utterly unprofessional. Her further complaints to him about you should have garnered her a verbal warning.

God, with all the people flinging themselves at these two sex bombs how do they ever manage to do any actual work?

He's a dickhead, and needs a talking to. If he ends up in HR defending a sexual harassment claim from a disgruntled subordinate it won't be pretty.